September 16th, 2017

My hands are still shaking as I write this, what a crazy night. Before I get there though, I do need to mention that Max visited me for lunch as usual. She was still going on about that video she shared with me last week. She almost sounds like she accepts it as genuine, and she seems disappointed by that. "It has to be fake though, these things aren't possible" as she insisted. So the question is, how was this video achieved? Max's next step is to visit the church where the video was taken and see what she can find there. That will be a bit more of a trick, but she's determined to try.

While I had her, I pulled out the articles that Hal had printed out and asked her thoughts on the matter. Admitting as I did so that I was going to be visiting with him over dinner later. Max seemed to latch on to the date part of the conversation rather than answer what I had asked. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad people are being supportive, but that's not what this is. Not that I wouldn't mind, but there is a purpose here that isn't either of us being significant to the other.

When I could get her attention again, Max did remember what Hal had said last week about the missing persons being connected to the video she was obsessing over. With her acceptance of the video, sort of, she did want more information. Skeptical as always, she wasn't prepared to accept that the connection was valid. But if so, she wanted to know. She told me to hear him out, but to keep in mind that he might have alternative motives, which she totally supported, and that I shouldn't just take him at his word. The printed articles helped with that.

After work, as planned, Hal picked me up for dinner. The staff at Annie's knows us well enough, and is probably part of the reason Hal suggested it, help me to feel safe. While we waited for our food, we chatted about work and his classes at the university. Like Max, he was taking courses during the summer. Just a few here and there, mostly leaving him open for his internship.

Hal has been focusing on comparing and contrasting human culture and mythology. Primarly between Europeans and the Native Americans. He said there's actually some surprising and fascinating similarities to be found despite the lack of connection between the two continents. He wants to look into studying in the north east, up into Canada if he can. He wants to learn about when the Vikings were thought to have found the America's and what impact they might have had on the local cultures. But that's a long way off, for now he's been thrilled to learn what there is to find in our own area. His internship at the museum has given him the chance to physically handle some things relevant to his study, and he just loves having that tangible connection.

One of the things Hal said he was interested in was mythology, creation stories and the like. He said there's a Caddo legend about Turtle saving the world from four giants. I'm not sure if Caddo was the name of the turtle, or if it was a group of native tribes, but I think the legend was Pawnee. May have to ask him about it again to clarify. In any case, one of the things he found interesting is how giants are often used to explain land formations, and how this is true across many cultures. Even early Americans had stories of giants leaving impressions on the land, e.g. Paul Bunyan who carved the Grand Canyon by dragging his axe behind him.

Anyway, in the Caddo myth, the four giants became the cardinal directions: North, South, East, and West. But this also involved another common myth, the flood. While the world was flooded, Turtle dug the earth out from beneath the feet of the giants who had formed together. They collapsed, separated, and drifted away becoming the directions.

I was starting to think he was stalling having told me about this myth, but then he explained why he had taken his hiking trip in the first place. He had found reason to believe that there was a place in Arapaho National Forest where it was said Turtle had dug the earth out from beneath the giants. When he had taken his hiking trip, the purpose was to find that place, as well as to take some pictures of the eclipse. He's also an amateur photographer, which helps him with his primary study.

Hal took a break after that, which gave us to chance to focus on our food for a bit. He seemed to be considering whether to tell me what he had invited me out for. When I was ready, I prodded him asking if he had found what he was looking for.

Hal nodded, and said he did find something. It wasn't what he was expecting, but he did find something. He had hiked up to Lake Evelyn and spent some time looking around for a place to mount his camera and in general to see what he could find. The lake was on the north side of a mountain ridge, and as he approached that ridge where the trees cleared away, he found a large stone that was sticking out of the ground. What had attracted his attention about the stone was that it didn't appear to be the same as other stones in the area.

Part of his education has been geology classes, learning how to identify different types of rocks. The stone that drew his attention was darker than the others, and looked igneous. Byers peak isn't volcanic, which suggests the igneous rock would have had to have been brought in. What Hal found was that it was sticking out of the ground as though it had been buried there. He didn't have the tools, or the permission for that matter, to go digging it up, so he had no idea how large it was.

What was really interesting, was that it had carvings on one flat side. They extended down below the ground, so he couldn't see the whole carving. It reminded him of the Norse Runestones, except the carvings looked more like Greek lettering. In addition to pictures, he took an impression using paper from a note pad he had brought with him. At this point he produced the pictures and the impression. It was a lot to take in, and the picture were convincing. Curious about the rock itself he had gathered some samples from rocks in the area, and then using his pocket knight he tried to strike off a small sample of the runestone. He said he had a buddy in the geology department who could run tests on the rocks to find out their chemical composition. With that information he might be able to learn where the rock came from.

The runestone was tough though, and wouldn't break readily. He had to go back to his car to get the tire iron. As he approached the rock, he said he felt this wave radiate out toward him as though warding him away. It wasn't wind, the trees around him weren't moving, but the sounds of nature all went silent. Birds, insects, all the things around that make noise and are usually ignored. He waited, looking around, and sure enough the sounds returned. So he continued to approach the rock and had no further resistance.

Even with the tire iron though, the rock didn't want to chip. So he found a way to prop the iron, and then using another large stone nearby as a hammer, he struck the tire iron to chip the runestone. The runestone cracked, all the way through starting from the point struck by his tire iron. The sound was deafening, like a lightning strike, but even more horrifying was that afterward there was this deep rumble and the air around him was pulled toward the stone. Almost as if something was sucking air in, then a pause, and then a blast of air that knocked him back and sent him tumbling.

He grabbed his iron, grabbed a sample of the runestone that had chipped away, and then ran back down the hill toward the lake. Except he couldn't find the lake. That was when he had gone missing. Having spent time looking around the lake, Hal felt he was sure he wouldn't get lost. The area is small enough, the trail well marked, and enclosed by mountain ridges, Hal shouldn't have gotten lost. Yet when he looked around, nothing was recognizable. The mountain ridges, the lake, none of it there. And to make matters worse, that was about the time the eclipse happened.

Remembering that he had wanted to get some pictures of the eclipse, Hal pulled out his camera and tried to get some shots. He hadn't found a good clearing where he could prepare his mount, so unfortunately the pictures were unsteady, unfocused, and hastily composed. He pulled em out, but basically admitted they were useless to prove anything. The vegetation was all the same, so it's not like he had strange trees where he shouldn't have been able to find them, or located with other plants that wouldn't grow around them. He was unable to find any good spots to capture a landmark or anything that could help establish his location. And once he thought of doing that, he checked the GPS on his phone only to find his phone wasn't finding a GPS signal. He did take a screenshot of that just to show, but it still doesn't help his case.

He didn't wander far, not wanting to get away from where he had started in case someone would go looking for him. And where he did go, he made sure to be able to recognize the area so he could get back. It made exploring the area very slow, but it did keep him safe. After the first night, he set about making shelter using tree branches tied together with his shoelaces. He also set about trying to get water. It rained the next day, which was a mixed blessing 'cause it soaked him through and ruined his camera. The pictures were digital, so they were fine, but the camera was ruined so he couldn't take more. But he was able to collect some water in his canteen.

By the third day he was getting desperate and hungry. He said he turned to some berries that he had found hoping they weren't poisonous. They didn't kill him, but they did make him sick. He puked up the berries, and then tried to make his way back to camp in a dizzy haze. By the time it was getting dark he realized he had lost his way and was well and truly lost. The next morning he was woke by the sound of the rescue dogs, they found him a hundred feet from his car.

Hal said he had since reached out to his rescuers to thank them. According to Hal, they aren't sure how he wound up where they found him. There were no tracks, and the dogs never followed any scent leading in that direction.

I can't imagine what he was going through. I start to panic when I can't find my parents at the mall, but then I've not been alone since I was diagnosed with my tumor. The idea of heading out into the middle of the wilderness alone is beyond my experience. By this point in his story it was getting late, and I needed to go home. So unfortunately I was unable to find out how this related to the other hikers, or Max's video, but I did agree to come out with him another night so he could explain that.

This was not the end of my night though. As we were leaving the dinner, there was some commotion down the street, just a couple of blocks away. Flashing lights, a siren, and lots of people. We stepped out onto the sidewalk to take a look and found that the street had been blocked to traffic. There was a fire engine, which made it seem like something had caught fire, but I didn't see any burning buildings.

Out of curiosity, Hal and I joined the crowd of people to find out what we could. Others explained that a fight had broke out at The Goose, and in the fracas something caught fire in the kitchen. The fire was contained quickly, but the police made sure the fire department was called. From our position we couldn't see much so Hal and I didn't stick around, but the excitement was certainly contagious.

Between the excitement at The Goose, and Hal's story I can still feel my blood flowing, it's going to make it hard to get to sleep tonight which sucks because I have work again tomorrow. Going to try and calm down so I can go to bed.

September 15th, 2017

I can honestly say I wasn't expecting that. Today at work Hal finally showed up at lunch to talk again like he'd been doing. He was looking nervous so I asked what was wrong. He got a little flustered at that, and then spent the next minute stumbling over his words. Long story short, he's asked me out. Mom and Dad won't let this simplistic story go.

The long story is that he wanted to talk. He wants to explain why he said what he had about people going missing and strange events happening. He asked if we could meet sometime over the weekend, and when I reminded him that I work through the weekend, he then suggested dinner after work.

Since this was during my lunch break, we didn't have a lot of time. He quickly pleaded the case that he needed someone to talk to, and since he had already almost spilled the beans to me, he might as well explain in full. He said he could give me a ride, that making plans now I could make sure people would know where I was just in case, and they could pick me up afterward if I didn't want him to take me home.

I deliberated, shortly, and finally let my curiosity get the better of me. So no, it is not a date. But tomorrow evening after work, Hal will be taking me to Annie's down around the corner.

He is cute though, the curly blond cotton swab.

That said, he also had printed out some articles from various papers around the area. He said I could look them up to confirm that the articles were genuine. Which I just finished doing. I even found a few more articles of my own. Missing persons, hikers, farmers, people who were out doing things mostly alone or in small groups. In one article only one of two people went missing. The not missing person doesn't know how they got separated, he just turned around and his buddy was gone. Tracking dogs brought to the spot he had last seen his friend only found the trail leading back the way they had come.

And as I look at the dates and locations, they do spread out slowly from the Denver area, or more specifically from Arapaho National Forest. It's only been maybe a week since Hal had first said anything, and there's only been seven instances reported. Some of those are from before, including articles about the missing hikers I was already aware of. But the most recent was yesterday out of Meadow Lake in New Mexico, a fisherman didn't come home.

People go missing all the time, and I don't know the statistics on that. I want to say this is normal, not that I want it to be normal. It's horrible for people to go missing at all, but it does happen. The question though is, does it happen like this? Is there really something going on? And if so, what?

That feeling that has been omnipresent since I woke up in the hospital is screaming at me. I have a feeling that I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight.

September 14th, 2017

Spending the day out shopping with Candace and Sam was a lot of fun. It was nice to be able to just get out and wander around and be people for a change. Visiting Candace at her place is nice, but being there in that house that isn't her house only seems to serve as a reminder of her condition. While we were out, it gave her a chance to be herself, to discover herself.

We stopped by so many food spots just to try what they offered. Sam's a great cook as I've learned, but I don't know how much he cooks when I'm not around or what Candace eats or if she even cooks for herself. What I did learn is that she didn't have any memory of favorite foods, or even just a general idea of the types of foods out there. For that matter she didn't have much knowledge of drinks either. She really seemed to love pretzels, they were just the bees knees to her. We did so much snacking though that we never sat down for lunch or dinner. Though, I think if we do go out, Candace needs to visit a proper Chinese place.

I also learned that she's got expensive taste. Sam didn't seem at all surprised by that, nor did he flinch when paying for clothes that Candace had picked out. Or at least, if he did it was carefully hidden. Candace was so happy to be out and about, she was looking for the next store before Sam was even finished checking out. I thought we'd done good not buying much, but by the time we'd gotten back to Sam's vehicle the back was much more full than I thought it'd be.

That's one thing of note, Sam actually had a proper SUV to chauffeur us around. Though I suspect he borrowed it from his parents. It was certainly easier to load and unload Candace, with her broken ankle and crutches. She had a check up on Monday for her ankle, sounds like the doctor is really pleased with how fast she's healing. There was talk that she might have her cast off earlier than expected. They'll have another check up later this month to see how things are going. If things keep going as they have been, her cast might be removed early.

Anyway, so after the 16th street mall we went and visited Cherry Creek for a more standard mall crawl. I mentioned Candace's expensive taste, and I have to admit it's not like she was looking at price tags and grabbing the most expensive items she could find. In fact, she didn't seem to be looking at price tags at all. Rather, she would pick and choose items based upon her own sense of style and while she didn't always grab the most expensive items on the rack, she often did. She knew how to put an outfit together, and even insisted on putting together a few ensembles for me. They are nice, comfortable, and practical. I don't have to wait for a special occasion to wear them, I can put em on whenever.

We didn't just grab clothes though, we also picked up some practical items and furniture for her place. Stuff that'd make it a little more warm and inviting.

I make it sound like we really went overboard. It's just that she didn't have any of her own clothes, and her place just didn't have much in the way of furnishings. This was more about need than money burning a hole in our pockets. But we did load up Sam's SUV, and some of the furnishings were to be delivered the next day.

And I did get some things for myself. Made sure to stop by a book store or two. I'd been meaning to get Patrick Rothfuss's new book, The Slow Regard of Silent Things. His first two books were amazing, and I expect this one will be as well. I've heard good things, just haven't had a chance to pick it up till now.

Sam shadowed us most of the day, just letting us girls be girls. Though I had to laugh when he stopped short of following us into Victoria's Secret. We couldn't use his card, so instead he told me to let him know the total so he could pay me back. Pretty sure he took the chance to get some of his own shopping done, but his embarrassment was plain.

I did remember to ask Sam about what had come to mind that first night I'd visited. I had been talking about Candace probably having a place of her own. Sam had thought it was a good idea and started looking into missing persons reports, abandoned properties, and whatever else he could think to look through. He did remind me that a lot of properties have to be abandoned for a while before any notice is taken, but missing persons should be reported quickly enough.

We're coming up on a month since the plane crash, and Sam hasn't found any missing persons report that describe or otherwise name Candace. He did say he was looking through older reports as well as keeping up on current ones, just in case, but nothing has caught his eye yet. I asked about the entertainment industry, remembering she was a dancer. He said it was entirely possible that she used a stage name, which means even if there was something to find, he might not notice it as easily. But he was looking, just that it hadn't been any more helpful.

Actually, the topic of Candace living alone had come up. Sam said that while he's been checking in on her and making sure she has food, he's not able to be there readily or regularly. He was asking me how appropriate it would be for her to move in with him, or for him to claim a room for himself at her place. With her cast coming off in the next few weeks, she'll be more mobile, but she still doesn't have a vehicle. He also mentioned that she doesn't know how to drive at all. He tried to get her behind a wheel, and they almost took out a fire hydrant. She's flat out declared never again, so he's not sure how she'll be able to get around if she needed.

He didn't ask, but it did get me to thinking about moving in with her. Granted, I should really talk to her, we can't just make that decision for her. But I have been thinking more and more lately about getting a place of my own. I had already been looking up bus routes, mostly just so I can visit her without having to bother Sam, but it did give me an idea of how I can get around Denver from her place. Public transportation has been a blessing for me since I can't drive. And while my parents are happy to shuttle me around as needed, it's nice to have some self sufficient means. I've gotten rather familiar with my route to and from work, and knowing the drivers means I know they've got my back when I need. There's a lot of familiar faces when I commute, which is nice. So I'm sure with a new route I can build that same familiarity. And if I've got Candace with me, I can teach her how to get around on her own as well. Give her a sense of self sufficiency rather than relying on Sam all the time. Give Sam a little break on caring for her.

We talked while Candace was in one of the dressing rooms, she was paying more attention to shopping than she was to us anyway. We weren't trying to talk about her behind her back, but I do think that's what ended up happening. So next time I visit, we'll have to bring it up. I got home a little late, so I'll have to talk to the parental units tomorrow or something.

It was a busy day, and we had a lot of fun. Made it a bit of a buzz kill when I had my own dizzy spell. I hadn't had one around Sam or Candace yet, so they didn't know what to do or what to look for. I hadn't thought to talk to them about it, so that's on me I guess. Candace looked like she was ready to freak out, but Sam was good. He stayed calm, helped me to a seat and asked if I needed anything. At first I just shook my head, which gave him the chance to calm Candace down. And then while she watched me Sam went to get a glass of water. It wasn't necessary, but it was welcome. It happened after coming out of the music store, 3:56 was the time I wrote down.

These episodes seem to be much more common since my blackout. This makes three in just the last week. Usually they happen every other week, but I think it's been years since the last time I had so many so close together. If this keeps up I need to call Dr. Laurie. I've paid attention to my diet, stress from work or school before I graduated, sports, my menstrual cycle, the various medications we've tried. We haven't found any pattern or trigger. I do still keep most of those things down, just out of habit now, and is how I got into writing this journal. I just don't think any of it does any good. Just have to keep recording it all I guess, maybe a pattern will eventually emerge.

September 13th, 2017

Chores today so I can play tomorrow. I did chat with Sam about tomorrow, and as gingerly as I could asked about how Candace will be paying for things. He actually told me not to worry about her, he'd take care of it. He said he could even throw a few things for me on his card. I did push the humble side and told him he didn't have to do that, but he insisted and who am I to turn down some free stuff?

I promise I won't take advantage of him. But if I find something that I have to have and can't afford on my own, I might take him up on his offer. - Something reasonable...

It does seem odd though that he's not giving a second thought to spending money on Candace. It's really sweet of him, but he's self employed selling goods and services that have a limited customer base. Granted, that customer base tends to tap the more wealthy among us, so maybe he can get away with charging fees greater than would be generally considered fair. I don't know, it just feels off, and I'm not sure I can explain it right now.

I am reminded though of that first time I was over at her place, Sam said he had had an idea of what to look into concerning her amnesia. I forgot to ask him about it last week, will have to remember that tomorrow and see if anything turned up.

I did get a chance to rewatch that last episode of Legion. I was really starting to feel like I might have a grip on things, and then they mess with it all over again. I was thinking about why I found it so engrossing and I think I've been able to partly understand what grabs me. A lot of what is shown, what the story is about, has to do with how people perceive what is going on. By that I mean as much the other people within the story as much as the people watching the show, and I think they do an excellent job of playing with that.

Let me see if I can explain what I mean. David's sister, Amy, believes her brother is mentally ill, and she's well aware of the many things that goes into that diagnosis. Lucky, for example. Ms. Bird on the other hand believes that David is not insane, but that what people think is his insanity is actually his abilities, his powers manifesting. The easiest example is his telepathy, his ability to hear other's thoughts. Where he thinks he's hearing voices, and the people around him are judging the same, it's actually him hearing peoples thoughts. This goes a long way towards establishing the perception of David's insanity, and is by no means the only method.

But David isn't the only one with abilities. The people around him, at Ms. Bird's spa for lack of a better word, resort... I don't know. It's not the X-Mansion, but similar. Anyway, these people all have talents and abilities that can make an observer question their sanity. By which I mean the sanity of the person they are perceiving, as well as their own. For example, Cary and Kerry.

What the presenters, the directors, the producers, the people who are telling us this story... What they are doing is holding back, from the audience, an explanation of what is going on. In the X-Men movies, and in any superhero movie really, there's an explanation of what the hero can do. Without that explanation, the audience would have every right to question what is happening, just as the other's in the movie or show should be doing. People being afraid of Spider-man, or the first fearful reaction of Superman in Man of Steel, meeting him with military force. These reactions would be normal and expected. But most movies and shows relieve the audience of that ignorance by offering an explanation, generally early on. Then the story can move on with the hero being a hero.

With Legion, the explanation is held back. Not just from the other's in the story, not just from the main character, but from the audience as well. And so we are all left in ignorance of what is going on, which serves perfectly for a fearful setting. And this last episode helped set exactly that tone, taking full advantage of the ignorance. There is a need for that question to be answered: What is going on? And so, I'm hooked.

Which is strange, because there are other ways of achieving the same result. Creating that ignorance and leaving me, the viewer, asking that same question. Normally I find myself fed up with whatever show I'd be watching. Usually pretty quickly, I hate having things go on unexplained. Most especially if the show ends on that very same note. If the show doesn't answer that question by the time it ends, I'm usually pretty annoyed with the show and don't ever want to see it again. That's probably why I couldn't finish The Wheel of Time, an entire book that does not address the main characters in any way. So here I am, hooked on another show asking that same question. I find myself wondering how disappointing its going to be, because I'm fairly certain they're going to end the show without ever really explaining anything. But I keep watching, and I'm still entertained.

If I had more time, I'd binge my recordings and catch up in a day or two. Assuming I don't have to watch the episodes more than once. Having to repeat the episodes is why I'm taking it so slowly.

September 12th, 2017

Last Tuesday didn't feel like a normal Tuesday because I had only worked a few days out of my normal week. Tonight I feel like I worked a full week, which makes the upcoming weekend welcome.

We had a group of kids come through today. I wish they would plan these things in advance. Not that we can't handle them, but with advanced notice we can prepare for them. There's an important difference that people don't seem to understand. These kids were great though, and of an age to really enjoy the dinosaurs.

I think it's safe to say Hal is avoiding me now. He walked through the cafeteria while I was at lunch, looking down at his phone or something as he passed through. He looked up at one point and, seeing me, rushed off down the hall. If I didn't have this feeling that I've had since I woke in the hospital, I'd have probably wrote off what he said. As is, I can't, and now I have this need to interrogate to him and make him spill his guts. I should have gotten his number when I had the chance. Oh well, if he doesn't want to talk, I can't make him.

Looking forward to this weekend, tomorrow I need to get chores done, and hopefully I can get an episode of Legion in while my laundry is in the wash. Then Thursday I'm going to be taking Candace shopping. I've kinda left the money issue up to Sam, and now I find myself wondering if he's going to follow through or not. I have a few bucks I can spend, but not much especially having lost what two weeks of work? If Sam says he's not paying for anything, I might be up a creek without a paddle and I'm still not sure if Candace has access to any money or anything. I'll text Sam tomorrow and see what I can find out. I'd hate for us to get to the mall only to turn around 'case we can't afford to walk in.

Why did I even do that? I feel like such a heel now thinking about it. Oh well, another problem for another day.

September 11th, 2017

Not much to say today. I had a dizzy spell again at work, 11:34 is what I wrote down. Ryan let me take a break and shrug it off. It was a pretty bad one today, I almost fell over. Didn't black out though, so that's good. I don't think I've ever had so many in such a short time before. If this keeps up I might have to schedule an early appointment with Dr. Laurie.

Hal seems to still be avoiding me, he didn't show up during lunch.

Nothing else really.

September 10th, 2017

Not much to say, it was another day of work. There was a family that came through, their kids were so cute! I first noticed them while they were looking at the T-Rex in the lobby on their way in. But what got me was later when I saw them in the shop, the one daughter was tugging on her moms sweater and saying "Ding, Ding, Ding," like she was ringing a bell. It was the cutest thing ever and I couldn't help but laugh.

Hal didn't join me for lunch today, which was just as well I guess. I did want to ask him about what he'd said yesterday, which is probably why he didn't show up. That or he actually had work to do.

Oh, and last nights dizzy spell. Not sure what was going on, but it came on while I was sleeping. Strangely, I started feeling it in the dream I was having, which must have amplified how I was feeling 'cause in the dream I got nauseous to the point of having to puke. When I leaned over in the dream to puke, it caused me to sit up in bed and wake up. Thankfully I didn't actually puke, and the nauseous feeling went away quickly. But I did feel the dizziness for a little longer. So I wrote it down, and was eventually able to go back to sleep.

I don't think I've ever had that happen before. Will have to remember it for the doctor next time.