November 25th, 2017

So much happened today, I'm exhausted. The Museum was crazy busy with the new exhibit opening to the public. Even incomplete it still drew a huge crowd wanting to see the new layout. We actually had to post a couple of security guards at the entrance to the exhibit to act as bouncers, only letting in so many people at a time. The line backed all the way around the 4th floor and down the escalators, and we were advising guests as they arrived of the wait times to view the new exhibit. It was just crazy.

The amount of traffic made it difficult for me to get to lunch on time, and I wouldn't have noticed if Jacklyn hadn't asked why I was eating along. I thought she was asking about Max, since Max usually joins me on Saturdays. Turns out she was asking about Hal instead. I guess my family wasn't the only ones who thought we were together. It's odd, I felt angry about at first, until I realized that was my practiced reaction. Then I realized that we are kinda together now, and I could feel that stupid grin creeping its way back onto my face.

Fortunately my lunch break was too short. After Jacklyn I did start feeling self conscious about eating alone.

The day flew by, one of the advantages of being busy. But by the end I was struggling to count my till down fast enough. I kept looking outside, and sure enough Hal was out there waiting for me. I got super nervous while I was rushing to finish so Hal and I could make the movie and had to recount my drawer for having forgotten where I was. So embarrassing!

We didn't miss the movie, thankfully, but we were sitting down just as the teasers finished up.

Ragnarok was so much fun! I can't believe I waited so long to see it, and now I can't wait for Black Panther and The Infinity War. This is going to be so epic! I don't normally like awkward humor, but they do very well with Thor, it fits him amazingly well and helps keep his godly self a little down to earth. Valkyrie was awesome, kudos to Tessa for that. And Loki, dear sweet Loki: "That's what it feels like!" I laughed so hard!

After getting pumped up at the movie, we were both pretty hungry. Hal said he had wanted to get us a seat at a nice restaurant, but he posed the question and I agreed that subs sounded great.

We geeked out about the movie for a while and had a great time together. But it was starting to get late, so I asked him if we needed to talk shop. Hal nodded and proceeded to tell me that he had learned of an incident at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. It was odd, different from the other incidents which was why he hadn't noticed it earlier. Not a break in like the others, rather one of the visitors was caught standing too close to an item on display. He ignored the guards when they asked him to step back, and then to leave. They had to forcibly remove him from the grounds, and that took five guards despite the guy being relatively small. Skinny, about average height, which from a basic description sounded similar to the costumed mummy that had been spotted in Las Vegas. The guards weren't able to offer a description, saying the guys face was covered in rags. He didn't talk, or yell out, or anything. And beyond resisting being thrown out, he didn't put up much of a fight. Museum security had called the police to meet them and arrest the guy, but once they got him outside he somehow melted into a crowd of people and disappeared.

I didn't want to say it 'cause it seems like a movie cliche, but Hal and I both admitted to thinking Nephmesu himself was causing the troubles. Hal said that was impossible, his exhibit was open during the time of the incident and there was no report, at any time, that Nephmesu was missing from his display. If the incidents had all been over night, when his display was closed, he'd be more willing to consider that possibility. But not for this to happen while people were actively visiting him in his display. Besides, if he'd left his display at anytime, there should have been security measures that would have detected it.

After scratching our heads over that, we turned our attentions to the tree. Having spent my weekend focusing on Thanksgiving, I hadn't seen much in the news. But yesterday and today I'd learned that things had been pretty quiet, and remained so even through today. It's like people relaxed over the holiday. But Hal had caught an article about how a group of crows seemed to have taken up residence in Confluence park. He wasn't sure if it was connected, the article didn't itself seem to connect the crows to the tree. Mostly what drew his attention to it was that every picture in the article had the tree in the background, which was how he had come across the article in the first place. So he had gone looking for more current pictures in alternative sources that showed the "fireflies." Those sites didn't have any new pictures in the last few days, and he didn't find any images that showed both the crows and the "fireflies" at the same time. I had to admit, that seemed odd. It could be coincidence. But, what if the crows were moving in after the "fireflies" had left? Or, what if whatever attracted the "fireflies" had moved up to something bigger, and was now attracting the crows?

Hal said he hadn't had a chance to talk to Tim about it yet. His work within the organization had been directed toward advancing his studies. Which Hal explained to mean that he was studying for his classes and then whatever else they could throw at him. As far as The Illuminati was concerned, that's all he needed to concern himself with.

There wasn't much else to talk about though. Disappearances are down, appearances are down. We both think that has to do with the winter months. Nothing else seems to be happening, so our conversation turned back to our date. Hal said he enjoyed seeing the movie with me, and I liked that we were able to both talk about it afterward. We definitely both approached the movie from different viewpoints. It was nice for me to go over the movie from his point of view, and he seemed to be able to appreciate my own point of view. I had to point out though that with how late it was getting, I didn't think I could be seeing a movie every Saturday night, but once in a while would be fun. Hal agreed, he said The Illuminati was probably not going to be happy about the books he wasn't reading right now. All in all though, it seemed we had a successful first date. And we've agreed that we should do it again sometime.

November 24th, 2017

I'm tired, so I'm going to get this out of the way so I can go to bed early tonight. It was a busy day today. Over the last two days they got the new exhibit ready to display and they did a soft opening this afternoon for museum donors. They spent the morning going over the exhibit with a fine tooth comb making sure everything, and I mean absolutely everything, was in perfect order. Part of that was walking us through it so that we were familiar and could answer questions. We went into it all excited because we'd get to see the finished exhibit. It was work, and there was a lot of pressure on us to be able to learn and remember the anticipated answers.

Mostly we needed to be able to answer questions about our new star guest, Nephmesu. In addition to his status as a merchant, rather than a noble or a priest, we also had to know how that changed his entombment and the things he was buried with. A lot of this is speculation, 'cause we really can't know what was going through the heads of the Egyptians when they were sealing away their dead. For example, the other famous mummies weren't buried alone. They were accompanied by mummified servants and animals. The servants it's easy to guess were there to serve, but the animals? Were they pets, or were they to bring a herd with them into the afterlife? Nephmesu was relatively alone, which is even more significant considering he wasn't included as a servant. His only companion was a mummified cat. Which could mean it was a favored pet, or that cats themselves have some significance in the ritual process. And again, those aren't mutually exclusive reasons.

There were a lot of points along those lines, and it was fascinating to learn. Or it would be if we weren't so pressured to memorize it on the spot. The biggest thing though was his arrival date. It sounds like this are solidifying, and after spending next week in Portland, he'll be coming home to us the beginning of December. Today they're packing up his display in San Francisco, and over the weekend the'll move him to The Oregon Museum of Science and Industry in Portland.

At lunch Hal caught himself saying that he did finally learn about an incident in San Francisco that he thinks is connected to the other incidents we'd been following. I kinda looked around when he finally looked up and reminded him of where we were. I think he silently scolded himself once he realized he'd been too eager to talk to me about his conspiracy. He dropped that thought and said he'd bought tickets for us to see Ragnarok after work tomorrow. It'll be tight, and if I get out late we might miss the beginning. But it'll give us time afterward to get something to eat and talk shop.

When the donors showed up, we all had to be in place. John threatened to have me taken off the register in case I had an attack. I can't believe that guy. Fortunately I didn't have to do anything, someone from HR heard the comment and he was immediately called to their office. He was looking forward to meeting the "money bags" that support us.

Not that the registers really got to meet them. They were all invited in VIP while we were busy with the usual guests. Francis Barre was hard to miss, he was talking with Lance Mogensen as they walked in. Arlene Dryver might have gone unnoticed, except of the news coverage of her life being saved at DIA. There were a few others, but those were the big names that stood out among big names.

So we were all there looking pretty, and it seemed the soft opening went well. There's a lot of excitement for the completed exhibit, but I have to say it looked fantastic even for what I got to see today. They had put a lot of thought into the layout. It wasn't just to get it to work they way they wanted it to. They also kept in mind the issues that had come to light during the life of the previous exhibit. The finished product should be amazing.

Tomorrow we'll be opening the exhibit to the public, which was really where we needed to be able to answer questions. And also why I'm worried about Hal and I getting to the movie quickly enough. So as I said, sleep early tonight, spend some extra time getting around tomorrow.

November 23rd, 2017

Usually Thanksgiving dinner is a larger affair, sometimes even much larger. With Efe out on duty, and Batel in college, there was just the three of us. It makes for a rather empty table, even with all the food Mom cooked. Which of course, because she usually cooks for five and more, we definitely over did it this year. It was all really good, but we mostly ended up just snacking throughout the day. We did sit down together for dinner, which lasted long enough for Dad to say a prayer. We sampled everything at the table, and I suppose one could argue that in fact we did have dinner together. The game was on though, and like I said we'd all been snacking, so it didn't take long for each of us to get up. Dad to watch the game, Mom answered the phone, her brother called, and I joined Dad to watch the game.

That said, the day wasn't lonely. We did get phone calls from everyone, which isn't to say we let everyone call us. Just that a conversation would get cut off on one side or the other and then they'd call back, or we'd call back later. Dad was playing phone tag with Dana for the longest time because every time one would call, the other would be on the phone with someone else. I think the majority of our conversation with him was through the other people we'd be talking to. It was rather amusing.

Batel made sure to call, she was feeling very lonely. This was her first Thanksgiving away from family, but she was with Jason's family since he was from Phoenix. And Efe did get the chance to call, so I was finally able to talk with him. He couldn't say much about where he was or what he was doing, so the conversation was pretty limited. But he did wish me a belated Happy Birthday and apologized that he couldn't make it.

It was getting later in the day, and the phone was finally getting a rest when Candace called. Dad had answered and when he said who it was I became worried knowing how her in-laws treated her. Turns out she had a relatively good time, she was just calling to see if she could come over anyway. Mom and Dad were thrilled to have some company and happily accepted both her and Sam.

They brought a pecan pie that Candace had made to share. It was fantastic. And they were happy to sample the dishes we had made. Candace really liked the Qatayefs that I had made, though she wasn't overly fond of the deviled eggs. I thought they were pretty good, but to each their own.

So while Dad chatted up Sam, I asked Candace how Thanksgiving with her in-laws was. She said they had made an effort to be nice and welcoming, and that it seemed genuine. She joked that it was the best Thanksgiving dinner she could remember, but she was sincerely happy. I guess though that Sam's family, who doesn't normally drink much, does tend to make sure to have wine for special dinners. Candace said that her Father-in-law seemed to be leaning on the wine to keep him calm. It was bad enough that even Sam noticed, and before things could get out of hand Sam suggested they take off for the night. So nothing happened per say, but it was good they left soon anyway. And it gave them the chance to come see us.

They didn't stay long as it was getting late fast, but it meant we ended up having a more proper Thanksgiving than we had thought we might. Dad and Sam must have bonded over the game, 'case Dad was inviting Sam over for the Superbowl when it happens. Candace had helped Mom and I clean up, and we made sure to send her home with some leftovers. And I've had the rest of the evening to chat with Max and Hal over text. Sounds like they both had good times with their families. I go back to work tomorrow though, so time to hit the sack.

November 22nd, 2017

It's a lot of work getting ready for Thanksgiving. I had all my normal chores to do today, which was helped by Mom giving me a ride around town. She had already done most of her grocery shopping, but there's always those few items that she's forgot. So I went with, not only to make the stops I needed, but because I needed to get grocery items for what I'm going to make. We also got a card for Efe, and I wrote a note to him thanking him for his Birthday wishes.

I always loved Qatayefs, so I wanted to do those and serve them with honey as dessert. I'm a little nervous about frying them in oil though, I've never done that before, but otherwise they should be pretty easy.

My parents tend to want meals that speak to our heritage, which is fine because it's what they know. But I often feel like I'm missing out on some of the more "traditional" Thanksgiving dishes that everyone talks about. If it weren't for Max bringing me leftovers for our school lunches, I probably wouldn't have any idea what stuffing was, or green bean casserole. So I did some research online hoping to find some way of being able to incorporate an American traditional dish into my parents heritage. I found a recipe for deviled eggs that use olive juice, green olives, and pimientos. They look like fun.

In addition to laundry and my other cleaning chores, I helped Mom clean the house, and especially the kitchen. She keeps the place pretty clean, with our help of course, but once in a while we have to get into the nooks and crannies. It reminded me an awful lot of cleaning at work this last week. But, the place looks and feels so much better now, and tomorrow we'll get to enjoy it.

Then Mom and I did what preparations we could today, to help for tomorrow. Like boiling the eggs. We also cooked some homemade treats that could survive the trip, and put together a basket to be mailed with the card we got. It was fun working in the kitchen with her, we don't do that often enough anymore. But since we'd put in so much work for tomorrow, we ended up ordering pizza. I had to laugh at that, it was not so long ago that Mom would be insulted at the idea of ordering out.

I did get a break though when Candace called. Once I realized it was her I got concerned, she still doesn't like calling out on her phone. We had a nice long chat though. She was worried about having dinner with her in-laws, understandably. I assured her though that Thanksgiving was about being thankful for what we have, that it was a holiday that called to our better selves. If her in-laws couldn't live up to that, then she was welcome to come join my family here. I think that set her at ease, and Sam texted me later to say thanks.

Other than that, I have to admit feeling a little disconnected. We didn't turn the TV on at all, and beyond looking for recipes I didn't get on the net. So I have no clue whats going on with the tree, or the rioters. To be honest, it's a bit of a relief. I'm just worried that if something happens, having my head down might be a bad idea. Here's to the officers and fireman who'll have to spend the holiday guarding the tree. Hopefully nothing happens.

November 21st, 2017

I just realized that with the attempted arson yesterday, I failed to mention what we were doing at work. Since the remodel on the ancient Egypt exhibit is completed, we are now moving things back into the section. All the hardware and stuff was already put up, now we're moving in all the mobile stuff that helps us direct the crowds as they grow and shrink. The belted stanchions, movable displays, things like that. Also a lot of the delicate items that go into the display cases, things that we wouldn't want the contractors to handle for security reasons. Those were handled by museum management, scientists, and security personnel.

With Thanksgiving only days away, things haven't been very busy. It's actually been really good timing. Along with some of the others, I helped move in the less important items. It's a lot of fun watching the whole place come together. Just a few days ago it was a finished space, painted and displayed, but all the cases were empty. Made for a very open and pretty looking space. With everyone moving about and bringing things in, the place looks so much more like what the finished product will be. We even got to watch a lot of the important items get put up for display. It's very exciting. And today was more of the same, so we've got a lot done.

I'm not sure how much more they'll have left to put up. I expect that when I get back on Friday we'll be doing the soft opening to allow museum donors and the like take the first walks through the new exhibit. It won't be complete without Nephmesu, and he'll not be arriving for probably two weeks. Mostly the soft opening will allow us to test all the features and put them through the paces to make sure it all works smoothly. Then if needed we can correct any issues before Nephmesu gets here and the whole exhibit goes live.

This is one of my favorite parts about working at the museum. And we learn so much, the historians and scientists are all there explaining things in that passionate way they do. Best of all, Hal and I were working side by side. He saw me standing around waiting for direction and grabbed me to give him a hand in helping put up one of the displays. He would hold things, I would grab tools, and Dr. Asco would tell us all about the item as he put it in place. And then today we were doing it all over again. It was just a lot of fun.

One interesting bit that I learned is that Nephmesu wasn't a pharaoh like the other mummies. Nor was he one of the interred priests or servants. It's believed he was an influential merchant, and evidence suggests he was instrumental in helping to build one of the pyramids. For his efforts, he was rewarded with the rights to an interment of his own, honored to continue his job at the side of the gods for the rest of eternity. Or so the inscriptions on his tomb tell us. The tomb itself didn't survive the ages as well, and we're lucky the collapse didn't destroy Nephmesu along with the rest of his burial chamber. In fact, it's because of the collapse that he hadn't been found by looters. In a way, it protected him.

Work has been very rewarding these last two days.

As for the riot yesterday, it seems the police have rounded up a number of people that they believe to have been behind the arson attempt. Fortunately there hasn't been any more violence, though it's believed one instigator came from out of state, while two others have fled to other states. As for the tree itself, the vehicles have been removed, and the barriers repositioned. It's base is dark all the way around, but it stands defiantly. The news media seems to be in denial about the lights that everyone had been seeing. But Max has been texting me to say she's found a lot of interesting videos that were taken during the riot yesterday. She's looking forward to sharing them and really wants to know what Hal has to say about it.

Which, while we were at lunch, Hal did seem to want to talk about the arson attempt. But as usual he wanted to wait until our Saturday dinner. We talked about seeing Ragnarok since it would be the first to go. If we're quick we can hit a show time right out of work and then do dinner afterward. But if we do dinner first and then the movie, we'll be out late. So I'm going to have to remember to try and get out quickly on Saturday, maybe talk to the manager about leaving early if possible. Problem is, it'll be the weekend after Thanksgiving. People don't just go shopping, they go out, and that includes to here. So I don't know how this is going to work.

I did tell Hal we didn't have to see a movie, or we could do it another time. He's pretty insistent though, I think he really wants our date to be something more than what we usually do. Something to mark that it is a date. I get that.

November 20th, 2017

While my trip home tonight had a huge hiccup, Mom and Dad are only now getting home. They were out celebrating their anniversary, which is another thing I've forgotten. I'll have more thoughts on that later. Anyway, knowing they were going to be out and that I'd be on my own for dinner, I took a detour on my route home to stop by the mall. I wanted to get something to eat, and also to hit up the card shop to pick something up for Mom and Dad.

While I was doing this, a mob of people stormed LODO, overwhelmed the police presence at the tree and tried to build a bonfire to burn the tree down. After the riots a couple of weeks ago, the police had initially been making a strong standing. But their presence had thinned thinking everything had calmed down. Whoever these people were, they took advantage of the dwindling police presence. And there seems to be a strong connection between them and the counter-protesters. Like before, they were carrying a frightening amount of axes and there are reports of Molotov cocktails though nothing has shown up on video yet. The only difference being these rioters seem to be wearing Guy Fawkes masks with a cross painted on the foreheads.

The rioters took it upon themselves to try to burn the tree down. Probably because there was no attempt on the cities part to cut it down. Video does show them using their axes on the tree while trying to erect their bonfire materials, all to no effect. One was caught on camera as he swung his axe. It actually broke against the tree. The wooden handle did, not the head of the axe. But it seems a lot of the guys who took a swing were inspecting the blade of their axes afterward.

The cities response was to immediately shut down all public transportation, which was how I got stranded. At the time I wasn't aware of what was going on, I was just sitting at the bus stop looking alternately at my clock and the arrival/departure times. My parents however were eating at The Capital Grille, which is just down the street, so they got trapped in with all the chaos.

The rioters did get their bonfire built. Using a couple of pickup trucks, they quickly brought in as many wooden pallets as they could fit in the trucks. Stacked em up around the base of the tree, sprayed lighter fluid all over it, and lit a match. One of the rioters was burned pretty badly, though it's unclear how. They're currently at a hospital receiving care, but officials haven't released who the person is or which hospital they're at.

While one of the trucks had managed to get past the concrete barricade the police had set up, the other wasn't also able to get in. The rioters had to pass the pallets over that barricade, which slowed them down and prevented them from being able to build the bonfire properly. One of the speculations for how the one rioter got burned was that they tried to put a pallet into the fire after it had been lit. In any case, the poorly constructed bonfire didn't have the effect they were hoping for. While it did get hot, it didn't get hot enough to do more than scorch the tree. And because it was so slow in getting built, it didn't take long for fire response to put out the blaze.

That said, the second truck that couldn't manage to get into the barricade also failed to start back up when the rioters tried to flee. And because it wasn't moving, it trapped the other truck inside the barrier. The first truck, inside the barricade, caught fire shortly before officials arrived so it's damaged. And both vehicles have been impounded.

While all this was going on, my parents called me to let me know what was going on. This allowed me to call Max for a ride and is how I eventually got home. But being caught up in LODO, my parents had to wait for the police to allow them to go home. Officials were monitoring the streets and controlling who was able to do what, not wanting any further rioting.

So that was my adventure after work. We are all home safe and sound, as is Max. The riots from before are only weeks gone, but with this happening it's like that fear has returned full force. Max stayed with me till Mom and Dad got home, and we just sat in front of the TV dumbfounded. I did get texts from both Hal and Sam making sure I was okay. They were as well, and Sam was with Candace to say she was good.

I'm still blown away that people can feel this strongly about a tree. But at the same time, because of the riots previously, I can already feel myself numbing in response. Is this going to be the new normal?

I had had some thoughts on why I've been so forgetful lately. I was contemplating that while riding the bus to pick up a card for Mom and Dad. I'd always been so good about remembering these things before. I can't imagine forgetting their anniversary, and my birthday, was just because of what all was going on. It makes me wonder if this might be a side effect of my little death.

I'm seeing things, I'm forgetting things, but there's been some otherwise reasonable excuses too. As far as the things I'm seeing, it seems I'm legitimately seeing them, there is something there to see. But I can't help but worry. And things have been busy, the whole world is changing around me, and it's frightening. I'm aware of it, and more than that I'm looking for signs of it's changes. So I've been otherwise engaged and have a right to forget things.

I just don't want to get paranoid about everything, but what if I am having issues? Maybe I should call Dr. Laurie and set up another appointment. He'd probably remind me about seeing a shrink, come to think of it. I had been considering it, maybe I need to go look up those contacts again.

No, let's not yet. Let's start making an effort to look ahead into the month and seeing what's coming. If I can't remember things even after making that effort, then I have reason to schedule an appointment.

So, what's coming up? How far ahead should I look? I think I'll start with a month for now. That'll give me plenty of time I think.

Thanksgiving in a couple of days. Which I'm already starting to plan for. Speaking of which, Sam did get back to me this morning before all the crazy. His parents are insisting that he and Candace join them for Thanksgiving. Sam is aware of how poorly they think of Candace, so I'm not sure why he's agreeing to this. But it sounds like he's going to be placing some ground rules, so hopefully things go well.

Also, Hal joined me again for lunch today. That gave me a chance to ask him what his plans were. He'll be joining his family, though he also sounded like he might prefer coming to our place. He did say he'd miss his cousins if he did that though. But he did suggest that we should do something for Christmas. I think we both have family plans for then also, but if we plan for a day just for us we can go play in the snow or something.

Christmas is more than a month away, strictly speaking, but I've got that down now.

Oh, I have my dentist appointment coming up on the 13th. See, there are good reasons to look ahead on the calendar.

Nothing else in the works.

Alright, I'm going to go to bed and hide under my covers. One more day and then it's my weekend.

November 19th, 2017

For the most part my day was pretty typical. Busy at work as Sundays often are, though I think part of that is families starting to come to town to visit for Thanksgiving. Most of the guests I helped were out of towners, which was nice to see. The only issue was when I had a dizzy spell right in front of one of the guests. The wife jumped to the conclusion that I was drunk at work and demanded to talk to my manager right away. She wouldn't take any attempt at an explanation from me, which probably wasn't helped that I was trying to not fall over at the same time.

The good news is that I had gone 10 days without an attack, the bad news is that I had gotten complacent. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, I know I can't ever predict them and don't have much warning for when they come on. I just hadn't given it any thought, which seems to be a recurring theme after I hadn't given Hal any thought over the last week either. So I'm kicking myself, mentally, knowing full well it won't do any good.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, yet another issue I don't seem to have given a lot of consideration. Mom and Dad were asking me about my plans this morning. I just assumed we'd be having dinner together like we always do, which was why I hadn't given it any thought. My work schedule didn't change this year... usually it does to cover other people who request it off, but I lucked out this year. So I told them I hadn't made any plans beyond having dinner with them. Batel had taken time off from her job to be able to come up for my birthday, and in return she's working so others can have the day off. And Efe wasn't able to get any leave, they had talked to him yesterday while I was at work. He made it sound like things have been pretty high strung lately, though he didn't explain how or why. But he left his best, and was sorry he'd missed me. He was hoping to wish me a Happy Birthday personally.

So it'll be a small dinner this year. And I think the parents are feeling it, they automatically suggested I should invite Max, or Hal, to join us, or Candace and Sam if they didn't already have plans. Which reminded me that Thursdays are usually spent at Candace's.

I called Candace before leaving for work to talk to her about it. She wasn't sure what Sam had planned and wanted to talk to him first. So I sent him a text just to make sure we were all on the same page. He hasn't responded to me yet.

As for Max, she came to have lunch with me today. Now that she knows about Hal's conspiracy she wants to be able to talk to me about my dinner conversations with him. She practically screamed aloud when she realized that Hal and I were trying out being a couple. So many thoughts are going through my head about her reaction. Max's always been the one with the boyfriends, to be honest I think this is the longest she's been single since I've known her. I was always teased by the other kids when we were young because of my dizzy spells. They never got over it or grew out of it, and even through High School I was the butt of everyone's jokes. So I've never been popular, and with that came a complete absence of interest from the boys.

I think that's why I'm feeling so cautious about Hal. It's great that Max can be excited for me, it helps me to feel excited myself. But I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to expect. These are things kids are supposed to have learned by now, and I never did. I think I'm just feeling self conscious about it.

So I changed the subject as quickly as Max would allow and asked her what she was doing for Thanksgiving. It's her uncles turn to host, so they'll be heading out to Utah on Tuesday.

That leaves Hal, and since he gets the weekends off, I didn't see him today to be able to ask. I could have texted him like I did Sam, but... I don't know I'm nervous about it or something.

So I'm going to go to bed and wallow in some self pity tonight. I shouldn't say that, it makes it sound like I'm unhappy with dating Hal. I am happy, and excited, and very much looking forward to our date whatever we do. I'm just scared, and self conscious as explained. He's been really nice, and it turns out he's a geek like me. I guess I'm mostly just worried that I'll screw it up because I don't know what to do.