The good news is that I had gone 10 days without an attack, the bad news is that I had gotten complacent. I shouldn't be so hard on myself, I know I can't ever predict them and don't have much warning for when they come on. I just hadn't given it any thought, which seems to be a recurring theme after I hadn't given Hal any thought over the last week either. So I'm kicking myself, mentally, knowing full well it won't do any good.
Speaking of Thanksgiving, yet another issue I don't seem to have given a lot of consideration. Mom and Dad were asking me about my plans this morning. I just assumed we'd be having dinner together like we always do, which was why I hadn't given it any thought. My work schedule didn't change this year... usually it does to cover other people who request it off, but I lucked out this year. So I told them I hadn't made any plans beyond having dinner with them. Batel had taken time off from her job to be able to come up for my birthday, and in return she's working so others can have the day off. And Efe wasn't able to get any leave, they had talked to him yesterday while I was at work. He made it sound like things have been pretty high strung lately, though he didn't explain how or why. But he left his best, and was sorry he'd missed me. He was hoping to wish me a Happy Birthday personally.
So it'll be a small dinner this year. And I think the parents are feeling it, they automatically suggested I should invite Max, or Hal, to join us, or Candace and Sam if they didn't already have plans. Which reminded me that Thursdays are usually spent at Candace's.
I called Candace before leaving for work to talk to her about it. She wasn't sure what Sam had planned and wanted to talk to him first. So I sent him a text just to make sure we were all on the same page. He hasn't responded to me yet.
As for Max, she came to have lunch with me today. Now that she knows about Hal's conspiracy she wants to be able to talk to me about my dinner conversations with him. She practically screamed aloud when she realized that Hal and I were trying out being a couple. So many thoughts are going through my head about her reaction. Max's always been the one with the boyfriends, to be honest I think this is the longest she's been single since I've known her. I was always teased by the other kids when we were young because of my dizzy spells. They never got over it or grew out of it, and even through High School I was the butt of everyone's jokes. So I've never been popular, and with that came a complete absence of interest from the boys.
I think that's why I'm feeling so cautious about Hal. It's great that Max can be excited for me, it helps me to feel excited myself. But I'm just so lost, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to expect. These are things kids are supposed to have learned by now, and I never did. I think I'm just feeling self conscious about it.
So I changed the subject as quickly as Max would allow and asked her what she was doing for Thanksgiving. It's her uncles turn to host, so they'll be heading out to Utah on Tuesday.
That leaves Hal, and since he gets the weekends off, I didn't see him today to be able to ask. I could have texted him like I did Sam, but... I don't know I'm nervous about it or something.
So I'm going to go to bed and wallow in some self pity tonight. I shouldn't say that, it makes it sound like I'm unhappy with dating Hal. I am happy, and excited, and very much looking forward to our date whatever we do. I'm just scared, and self conscious as explained. He's been really nice, and it turns out he's a geek like me. I guess I'm mostly just worried that I'll screw it up because I don't know what to do.
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