April 2nd, 2018

Not an hour after I'd finished my journal last night and Mom calls up to say she'd received a letter for me from Efe. It was already getting late so she didn't want to bring it to me then, but wanted to know when I'd be home after work today so she could drop it off. That's why I didn't make any note last night, I didn't have his letter in hand to say anything about it, but I do now!

Sounds like he's doing good, but he said things have been tesnse lately and he's not sure how to explain it. He says they've been running extra security checks and drills as though the higher ups are expecting something, but otherwise everything seems fine. He did confirm hearing about Smithwick, but it hadn't registered to him at the time so he didn't pay attention. Now that I've brought it to his attention, Efe said he'd ask around.

He expresses concern about my hallucinations and asked a lot of questions, especially about things I had specifically avoided telling him. I'm not sure how I'm going to answer some of his questions, but the others about what the doctors are saying and stuff I can be more up front about. Of course there is the delay in correspondence, so as much as anything he's just asking for an update knowing I'd have been taking care of things.

Then of course he asks about the museum and how my job is going. I'm not sure how I'm going to tell him about that without explaining why and sounding crazy. Although it sounds like I may not have to worry about it. Efe's put in for leave for the week of Dad and Batel's birthday. He'll miss Mom's birthday, but he always tries to come home that week because all their birthdays are so close. I could just not write back and he'll be arriving about the time I'd be getting a response from him anyway.

No, I should write something at least, even if it's a "looking forward to seeing you, we'll talk then."

It is nice to hear from him, and other than the stress of drilling all the time it sounds like he's having fun. He still can't tell me where he is, but he must be near civilization because he mentioned being able to visit town with his buddies more than once. As always he's frustratingly vague with the things they're doing, and I suppose that's how he'd feel if I avoided answering his questions.

I'm stewing on what I should write back, or if I should write back. So I haven't even pulled out any paper yet.

As for my day today, it was much easier. At least, getting into the swing of things. We'd moved most of the stuff out of Sam's shed Friday, so today I spent time cleaning the shed out and working out how and where to put things back in. Once I got to contemplate everything, and how little that shed was, I started wondering where it all came from. Sam says it was all in the shed, but I just don't see how. And he wants me to get it all back in there.

So while I was cleaning the shed out, which consisted of using a broom to clean up the cobwebs and brush down the walls before sweeping it out. It's not like we're going to prepare food in there, but I couldn't believe how much dust and mud made its way in. I let my mind ponder the question of how to organize everything and get it all back in. There was a shelf in the back that I cleaned off, and I realized it was just some sheet metal propped up on some wall hooks. The hooks themselves were adjustable, fitting into a series of mounts that I found all around the shed. I asked Sam while we ate lunch if he'd would be willing to cut up some of that sheet metal so I could make more shelving, and he said that was a great idea. Most of the metal is scrap anyway, stuff he uses for spare when he needs.

After lunch I found a pencil and some paper and started making notes for how big I'd want the shelves to be, and found a measuring tape among his tools so I could give him numbers. Then I set about organizing all his stuff into piles so I could get an idea of what would be going back into the shed. Most of the sheet metal and scraps I think we can slide under the shed. It's propped up off the ground anyway, so there's room. And I found a couple of metal barrels that are empty, if we can get them into the shed and cut the tops off they can store more stuff. Stand up the bars and fence posts in one, and use the other for smaller scraps and chunks that don't stack so easily.

I found so many pliers, I'm starting to wonder if Sam buys a new pair every month or so because he can't find the others. I'm going to put up nails to hang them off all over the place so he always has a pair handy. And I'd say something similar about his hammers, except all the hammers are different and they look much more well cared for... and used. So those I'll have to dedicate some space for and organize.

I remembered as I was thinking things through of seeing inside Max's Dad's garage. We didn't usually go in there, not much reason to, but he had a peg board on which he hung a lot of his tools. I think I'm going to do that against one of the walls, and we can use nails for pegs since he's got so many. Sam thought that was a good idea too, but confessed that he didn't have any peg board. So after that I started using my note paper to make a list of everything I wanted, and when it was time to go I presented it to Sam. He checked off everything he had, or could manage, and said we'll have to go shopping for the rest.

I was a little embarrassed to be spending his money for him, but Sam said it was perfectly fine. He said he's got something he needs my help with tomorrow, but Wednesday we can go shopping and pick most of that stuff up.

To be honest, I was surprised how fast the day went by. I worked, but it didn't feel like I'd done all that much. Next thing I knew Sam was knocking on the side of the shed to get my attention and it was time to clean up to go. I was apologetic about asking him to buy things, and about not getting anything put back in the shed, and then as I start apologizing for not being ready to go he just starts laughing. It didn't make me feel the greatest, but Sam reminded me that this wasn't an office job and he wasn't ticking off my tasks. He knew this was a big job, and if it was going to get organized right, it'd take time. As long as I wasn't walking around talking on my phone instead of working, he was happy. Did I mention we don't get any cell service out there?

As early as we started, it felt like I had all afternoon to myself once I got home. Candace was in bed when I got there and I had a few hours before she got around. In fact I was able to surprise her with breakfast when she got up for a change. I didn't cook anywhere near as well as she does, but she ate my pancakes and didn't even mention how dark they were. She seemed a little grumpy though, and I offered an apology for waking her up. She just shook her head and said it was fine, that it was nice waking up to the smell of my pancakes.

It feels odd having to go to bed while the sun's still up. I know it'll pass behind the mountains soon, and that makes it a bit easier, but I'm just so used to not even thinking about bed until it was dark. Probably why I'm still sitting here writing even though I should be in bed.

March 27th, 2018

As smooth as this move has been, it's still been stressful on me. There was no better reminder of that till today as I was hallucinating a fairy outside my parents place watching us carry boxes to the car. Mom had given Dad a ride to work this morning so we could borrow the car and move the last little bit.

I keep saying the last bit, but in all honestly a lot of my stuff has been boxed up and Mom is saving them for me to have again later. Toys from my childhood, stuffed animals and the like, photo albums that she'd created of me for me, things that I'll get back when I have children of my own. Assuming I ever have kids. Mostly memories, and nice ones that I'm happy she's holding on to, but things that I don't have room for anymore.

That's part of the stress that I've been feeling, leaving home isn't just leaving the only thing I've ever known. It's leaving behind all those memories. It's got me feeling a bit down in the dumps, and I think that's why I was seeing a fairy watching us.

Before we boxed them up for good, we spent some time going over them. It was just Candace, Mom, and I today, since everyone else had work. But it was nice being able to share those memories with Candace. Though looking back on it, I feel a bit guilty now realizing she doesn't have the same. Not even a tangible memory to wonder over.

We'll have to create those memories for her.

Anyway, everything that is coming with me is now here. And I've spent some time situating, but I still have a lot to go through and it's a little overwhelming. Even with everything that was left behind with Mom, I'm still wondering how I had room for all this stuff and where I'm going to put it now.

Sam was over for dinner, he wanted to check in on us and make sure everything was okay with my move. He said he'd have time tomorrow if I still needed, but I think he was glad I didn't. He didn't ask about when I'd be ready to join him at the shop, I think he felt it might be rushing me. So I made sure to ask if it was okay if I took another few days to situate and move in. Of course he was okay with that.

So much to do and my head is swimming, so I'm going to go to bed a little early tonight and get an early start tomorrow.

March 21st, 2018

I hadn't talked to Candace or Sam to let them know what was going on. So I shouldn't have been surprised this morning when Candace called up asking about joining Hal and I at the gym. I hadn't even been to the gym since Saturday morning. So I got around real quick and suffered my parents disapproval long enough to get something in me and catch the bus.

They weren't all that bad, my parents. They were happy to see me up in the morning like usual, and had seen my applications from yesterday. I guess getting back to some relatively normal behavior on my part helps them to take Mom's advice and move on too.

At the gym I got Candace caught up on what happened. She thinks I should be proud of my actions and that the museum should be ashamed to lose me. I'm not sure she understands how important security is for the museum. Either way, it's a refreshing response to me and makes me feel a bit better.

Since I had already done most of my chores, and had the day to myself anyway, we decided to go take care of some of her things like we usually would. Then head back to her place. I hadn't planned on doing those things so I needed to head back home, which gave me the chance to grab the now completed applications to maintain a certain image in my parents eyes. A few of those applications I decided to turn in anyway, I do need some job after all.

So we ran some chores for Candace, just a couple of things she needed, but she was anxious to get home to work on her garden. I hadn't realized she'd bought so much stuff. I know I was there to watch her buy it, but at the time it was mostly numbers. Seeing the pile of wood, and potting soil, and everything else put those numbers into perspective.

Candace was relying on Sam to build the raised garden for her, and he had already started marking up the boards. But Candace didn't have the tools to cut the wood, so there they sat until Sam had figured out the dilemma. And until it got built, Candace didn't have the ability to work with her pots like she wanted. But we could start with the little pots, and that's what we did, got them ready for the seeds.

At one point I heard a noise that startled me. When I turned around I noticed Candace's cat sitting down after having jumped up onto the fence. He was watching something and when I looked my mind hallucinated a fairy flying away. Candace had been startled by it too, though not as bad as I. She laughed it off telling the cat "Good job, keep those pests out of here."

We lost ourselves in the work until Sam showed up surprised to find that I was there. He had brought a table saw that he could set up to cut the boards with and asked for some help getting it to the back. Candace teased him about needing help, which seemed friendly enough. But Sam scowled at her and so she went inside to clean up and start working on dinner.

Mostly Sam needed help getting it out of the truck, which he had his chain set up for moving the anvil. So we made use of that to get the table saw out, just to make it easy on us. And then it had wheels so even I could have taken it to the back. But someone needed to hold the gate. Once we got it in back we covered it up in case it rained, and Sam said he'd be able to cut the boards down the next day he had off. While we were there though he asked about our conspiracy dinner. He apologized that he'd missed the texts, but he was so busy he wouldn't have been able to make it anyway.

He knew Max had plans on Saturday evening with her family, and Hal and I got caught up in what was going on at the museum, so we hadn't even sent out texts. Which lead into another explanation of what had happened and where I now stand. Sam just listened, and didn't offer any judgement.

While we were eating dinner I vented some more, and admitted the ultimatum that my parents had left me with. Candace said if I needed I could move in with her, and Sam mentioned again needing a hand around the shop and said he could offer me a job if I wanted to help him with that. He couldn't offer me full time, but it'd give me at least some cash if I needed while I looked for something else. And Candace wouldn't hear about me paying rent, so I wouldn't need more than to cover my bills.

Actually, when Candace stepped away to go to the bathroom, Sam said that he really hoped I would take them up on their offers. At least Candace's. He said she's been getting worse lately and that he can't be here all the time. If I could move in with her, he'd be able to trust that someone was looking out for her when he couldn't be there. I asked what he meant by her getting worse. He said it was hard to explain, but I'd understand after spending some time here.

He said he didn't want me being any sort of live in maid, just that Candace needed help with things and if I were here he could trust she'd be fine. And he offered me to consider it my real job, he could pay me so that I wouldn't need to worry about finding another job and with me not paying rent I'd be better off altogether.

I thanked them both for their offers and told them I'd think about it. And while Sam was giving me a ride home, he didn't pressure me, he just thanked me as always.

I'm not sure I like him making these arrangements behind Candace's back, not without any good explanation of why. I also know that I've been feeling like I need to watch out for her from him for a long time. I've got so many questions about these two, including how he has the money to make this kind of offer. I'm a little worried about what I might be getting myself into, but this would be an opportunity for me to answer some of those questions. And I don't exactly have anything else going at the moment. I'll sleep on it tonight, and talk with them again tomorrow.

March 10th, 2018

Our conversation tonight was dominated by today's news. The town of Smithwick, South Dakota has disappeared. And I don't mean the town's population, oddly the population didn't disappear. But the town itself, the physical location, is gone. And noone seems to be able to explain how this could have happened.

Our maps haven't changed, even the GPS type maps that track where your going, they still show the town being where it should be. But people have been testing that all day. They'll use GPS navigators to guide them to Smithwick, or directions that would take them through the town of Smithwick. For about three miles around the town the GPS will jump location. Two people holding GPS systems can be standing right next to each other, and the GPS locators will say they're standing three miles apart. They've circled a particular location in South Dakota where this is happening, corresponding with about a three mile diameter around the town.

But as I said, the population didn't disappear with the town and the people can't explain how that is. They just know that they took a step at some point and found themselves at this central point. As often as not that step being getting out of bed. One lady was embarrassed to find herself having just stepped out of her shower. And this didn't all happen at the same time, it seemed to happen as each person took a step whenever it was they did. It sounds like this started about three am as that was when the first person reported finding themselves at this central point in the middle of working their morning shift.

There's a lot of speculation from all sorts of people. Everything from UFO's bending space/time, to one or another deity's magical or miraculous intervention. The only people who seem to be willing to admit they don't know are the scientists, and this is only encouraging everyone else to announce they know what the scientists don't.

At least no one has gone missing this time, but how does an entire physical location disappear? A three mile radius of land, and buildings, an entire small town? Yet the people don't? Even animals, family pets are showing up in the same way the people did. It's fascinating, and chilling, and makes everyone question their sanity.

So we spent most of our conspiracy dinner talking about that. I was hoping it'd distract Hal from telling everyone about what's happening at the museum, I didn't want him telling them he wanted to sneak in after hours. But I couldn't stop him when he did.

Max was all on board with the idea of sneaking into the museum after hours to try and spy Nephmesu. Sam seemed to be the only one talking sense and warning us that it was a very bad idea. And I know he's the one to be cautious about everything, but in this case caution is what we need.

Hal's wishful thinking sounds more like he's wishing we'd be supportive of his plan, rather than wishing his plan was something we could do. And Max isn't helping with her "I know, but what if?"

If there were any other topics to discuss, they were forgotten after those two particular issues. By the time I thought to look at a clock to figure out the time, I should have already been home and getting ready for bed. With as late as it is, I'm wondering if I even want to go to the gym in the morning. I could make it up and hit the gym on the way home. Hal'll be off training with Brigida anyway.

I could make it, but I'm kinda thinking I want to get some rest tonight. This morning I woke up to a couple of doves cooing outside my window this morning. When I opened my window, I could have sworn that one of the doves was actually a little hispanic boy who'd wrapped himself up in a leaf. But I startled them by opening the window and they were flying away before I could look a second time.

I'll mark it down as a hallucination, but that could have just been my eye's playing tricks on me.

I should mention that work was very stressful today. They doubled up security and it felt like they were watching us like hawks. Every time I was reaching into my drawer I was making doubly sure I didn't accidentally grab the wrong bill or anything. And I know, things going missing is a really big deal, but they're watching us during the day. Whatever's been taken was taken over night.

And I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

February 24th, 2018

Oh my goodness, today was such a good day. A long overdue relaxing day. It's too bad days like this can't happen more often and really makes me wish I could have a more regular schedule with the weekends off.

Hal picked me up early in the day, and then we headed over to Candace's to meet up with her and Max. And then since Hal's jeep was more practical for the four of us we took his car. We hit up the gym first just so we can say we earned the day. I haven't been able to run with Max in a while, that was nice. And it allowed us to go more at our own pace rather than me feeling like I need to keep up with Hal. Whereas Hal and Candace were really able to stretch their longer legs.

Afterward we went to the Botanic Gardens. And with all the snow we've had recently, the place was beautiful. It's not the lively green of the spring and summer months, but they make the gardens inviting during the winter and have fun with the snow. It was a real treat to be able to go. It also gave Hal a chance to try and check in on Melia Floros, something that we had talked about doing a month ago or so. Turns out, she doesn't work there any more. Probably just as well.

Today they were doing a "Bumblebee Jamboree", a concert aimed and families and kids. We got there late for that, but managed to see a bit of the end. It looked like it was a lot of fun. And all the kids dressed up in bee costumes, or with insect wings on their backs. It was the cutest thing.

Thing was, I was seeing more than just kids with wings. And I don't know if their costumes triggered it or what. But at first it was just a couple I saw sitting on the back of a bench. They were just sitting there, swinging their legs and watching all the people. They seemed to really enjoy the kids and were pointing the kids out to each other. It actually seemed rather normal. One was entirely green, even his spiked hair. He had like little baby's breath flowers arranged in like a crown around his head, and a bow rested over his shoulder and across his chest. Otherwise it didn't look like he was wearing anything. The other was darker skinned, like me, and she was wearing a skirt of petals that made me think of the Hawaiian grass skirts. Long flowing blue hair was all she had to cover her chest.

My first reaction was to do what I'd been doing all along. I asked Max, since she was right there, if she could see them. She thought I was pointing to a couple of kids nearby, I had to clarify that I was looking at fairies and that they were sitting on the bench. Max couldn't see them.

We moved on, and checked out as many of the gardens as we could. There's just so much to see. After that initial hallucination though, I stopped pointing the others out. And there were many, I was seeing fairies in each garden, at least one. The tropical garden had the most, off the top of my head I can remember three separate pairs and another group of three.

After all that I was feeling a little ragged. It's distressing enough to know I'm seeing things, but to see so many in such a short time. I don't know if it's a result of the stent, or the new medication, or a combination of the two. It was just a lot. And the others were noticing that I was struggling. When they started asking, Max admitted that I had hallucinated earlier, so they just assumed I was struggling and needed rest. Which isn't entirely wrong, it's just that I was struggling with what I was seeing.

But it was getting around lunch time, and we were getting hungry. So we headed out to Max's favorite restaurant, Casa Bonita. Candace couldn't remember ever having been before, so it was a real treat having her look wide eye'd at everything there is to see. Max had been texting Sam, and he joined us there to take a break from his commission. And then when it was time we all went and saw a midday showing of Black Panther.

That movie was so good! So well done in every way, definitely one of the MCU's best. Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger was such a relatable villain, not just one who's motivations we can understand, but someone we could so easily be. Boseman's T'Challa on the other hand was all about stepping into his role and defining it for himself. The struggle between tradition and whats right, his view of his father versus finding out what his father's done. It's a common storyline, the growth of the hero, but almost redefined or reforged in this movie. Personally I loved Letitia Wright's Q, I mean Shuri. She reminded me of Batel so much, but in her I could see my own admiration for my brother.

I could go on and on, everything about that movie is testament to the records it's breaking.

But I need to also mention what happened afterward. Sam had to get back to his stuff, and I was getting tired. So we stopped by the store on the way back to Candace's and grabbed groceries for to make dinner. By the time we were getting back to her place a news story interrupted Hal's station. There was a big fight happening right now between The Stag and the other cloaked individual he'd faced just the other day. Hal and Max rushed right into the house and turned on the TV to see the live coverage, leaving me to help Candace with the groceries.

All that aside. As usual, we don't know what started the fight, how or really where. Reports are that they were already fighting by the time it was reported to the news stations. Helicopters and vans were sent to Cherry Creek state park, and they were able to broadcast live the last of the fight. Again, both cloaked figures were paired off, the deer mask versus the fur mantle and spear. This time though, the opponent was making The Stag look like an amateur. Not that I'm an expert, just that for all his strength, The Stag couldn't land a hit. His opponent seemed to deflect and counter all of The Stags attempts to strike him, as much as he could he avoided facing The Stag directly, he did. They were both fast, but the opponent was faster.

We're aware of how strong The Stag is, maybe not specifics, but being able to push an overturned car is evidence of his strength. His opponent didn't seem to be as strong, but no weakling, especially not while using that spear. When he'd hit The Stag, The Stag was sent reeling. It was apparent his blows were forceful. Even still, The Stag took the beating. And he would not stop, by the time I'd joined Hal and Max, both of them were saying the fight was over, and they were still going at it.

I think what impressed me was how well the opponent was using his spear. He struck The Stag with his feet, his hands, and the butt and haft of the spear, but never with the point. It kinda made me wonder why he was fighting with a spear to begin with, but he used it masterfully.

The Stag on the other hand, he was relying on his strength way too much. Like I said, it was clear to us that The Stag wasn't landing blows. But he just kept trying to overpower his opponent with his strength. Candace stopped by real quick to ask for help in the kitchen, and taking a quick look at the TV I heard her mutter, "no self control." I told her I'd join her, but as I was turning to leave the sound of sirens was starting to be heard on the TV. I knew whatever would happen, the fight would be over shortly. So I stopped to finish it out.

The Stag, despite all his impressive strength and stamina, was being worn down. Whoever his opponent was, had fought him almost to a stand still. But The Stag must have a stubborn streak, he charged one last time. And his opponent finally used his spear like a spear. Just planted the butt in the ground and let The Stag run right into it. Using the momentum of The Stags charge, and the leverage of the planted spear, he lifted the spear throwing The Stag over his head. And as The Stag passed by, he jerked the spear pulling its head free, bright fresh red blood covering it.

The news stations cut the feed almost immediately, apologizing for the graphic content. At that point Candace turned the TV off and again asked for help.

We didn't discuss what we'd seen. It wasn't until Sam joined us that we started talking again, mostly just talking about how much fun we'd had and the movie. If Sam was aware of the news, he didn't say.

While Hal was bringing me home, he turned his radio back on to the news hoping to find out what'd happened afterward. It seems the police showed up to the park finding evidence of their fight, but couldn't find either The Stag or his opponent. We don't know where they went, if they left together, if the opponent took The Stag, if The Stag was able to leave on his own, or if he's even still alive.

The Stag is no role model, he's brutal and has a tendency to make things worse. And I don't know what he was trying to do, or trying to achieve. But I find myself worried for him, worried what's happened to him and if he'll be okay. I just, I wish I knew.

February 20th, 2018

Today was one of those days where, if I were of the mind, I would have taken my dizzy spell to have been a warning sign. I had finished up Efe's letter last night before going to bed, so on my way to work I was able to drop it off to be delivered. Hal had some chore he needed to run and wasn't able to pick me up. But he still made it to the gym and was able to get me to work.

Work was smooth, and Helene stopped by to apologize for the mix up yesterday. She said she'd taken care of everything and my leave was approved. I didn't get any explanation as to what had been mixed up, or how, I was just happy that she was making sure I was taken care of.

We were busy enough for time to fly by and before I knew it Hal had brought me lunch. He remembered how much I liked Tocabe and brought some of their Fry Bread nuggets.

It was just before my last break that I had my attack. It wasn't a bad one today, I just had to steady myself against the counter for a moment in the middle of helping a guest. After I finished up with the guest I asked if I could take my break a little early and went outside for some fresh air.

Outside there were some kids who were pointing and laughing while their parents talked. Curious, I walked over just to take a look at what they were pointing at. There was a cat, who was being picked on by a couple of fairies. Of course the kids couldn't see the fairies, they were just laughing at the cat. Of course, cats being cats, my brain was probably just interpreting what it was doing. I didn't get to watch for long before one of the fairies tugged the cat's tail and then flew off as the cat chased after. The second fairy followed close behind.

So since I was already walking, I just made my way around the trees like I often do in warmer weather before heading in.

The big thing though was after I'd gotten home. During my bus ride there was another incident with The Stag. Now it seems that our "superhero" has a villain. Another guy in a cloak, though this one doesn't have a deer head mask. His cloak though seems to have a fur mantle, and he was carrying an ornately carved spear. I'm saying he again, considering the two sparred, but they kept their hood low enough that their face was never revealed. It may have still been masked, but at least from the angle of video the news station had picked up, we can't know. The footage itself was more cell phone video taken by a witness. Reports are that the two cloaked figures were already fighting as they entered the park. By the time the cell phone was recording, the two were facing off. The Stag charged his opponent, and body checked him. His opponent was sent flying more than a few feet, but he rolled and was up even as The Stag was charging again. He spun his spear around over his head real quick meeting The Stag's rush, the butt of his spear cleanly catching The Stag at the side of his face. The Stag reeled from the blow and stumbled to his knees. His opponent didn't wait, he turned and ran off. But the time The Stag was back on his feet, his opponent was almost out of the park, but already sirens could be heard approaching even by the cell phone. So The Stag ran the other way.

As usual, noone's sure what all this was about. Everyone seems to be assuming that the opponent is the "bad guy" while The Stag is the "good guy." All I know is that I still have reservations about The Stag being a good guy.

Max has been blowing up my phone about all this. She's convinced we've got The Stag's first rogue for his gallery. Personally I'm just glad this didn't take place anywhere near here. But Max did ask an important question, "Didn't The Stag get shot four or five days ago?" Or were the police mistaken about hitting him?

If he was shot, he's doing very well. He didn't look at all like he'd recently been shot.

My weekend is finally upon me. I've got all my chores to get to tomorrow, and since I'll be going to the hospital on Thursday Candace is planning on joining me all day tomorrow. I'm starting to get nervous realizing it's so close. Hal also wants to make sure to spend time with me after he gets out for the day. So I'm going to try and get my laundry done before I leave, then after running chores we'll head to his place to meet for dinner.

February 14th, 2018

So the scans didn't show any growth from August, and when they sent the scans out to a specialist to review they made sure to send both sets of scans to compare. Dr. Laurie also made sure to send out the scans to a new pair of eyes, someone different from who had looked at them before.

Well, that new pair of eyes noticed something. While my tumor hasn't grown in size, it is affecting a blood vessel that runs right through my visual cortex. And that blood vessel is bulging. Dr. Laurie hadn't noticed that 'cause he was looking at the tumor itself, as did the first expert he'd sent the scans to. The bulge on this blood vessel happens at a spot a small distance from the tumor itself, small in relation to the fact it's all in my brain. On the scans, it's not close enough to be immediately noticeable if all one's looking at is the tumor.

So despite everything I've gone over with Dr. Laurie, admitting all the conspiracy stuff and good reason to think there is something there for me to see. There's good reason to believe that I am actually hallucinating. Which is either that the bulge in the blood vessel is also pressing on my visual cortex, or the fact that the cortex is not getting as much blood.

The bad news, on top of all this, is that I could have a stroke. My brain suffocating, or the blood vessel rupturing.

The good news is that we've caught it, and unlike my tumor we can do something about it.

Dr. Laurie did say that there was no immediate danger of a stroke, otherwise he would have ordered me in as soon as he'd heard back from his expert. But the sooner we can take care of this the better. Now, we could call for an emergency operation and have this done tomorrow, or even today for that matter. We decided though it would be better to give me time to prepare. So my operation is scheduled for next Thursday. That'll give me a week of work and give the museum time to adjust schedules. Then I'll have Wednesday to do what I need to do.

The operation will take place on Thursday. They'll be placing a stent in the artery near where the tumor is to help open the pathway back up. I'll be kept over night for observation, and have more tests on Friday before they release me. And then they want me taking it easy for a week. This is usually for heart stents, but common practice for brain stents. Then I'll have to come back in the following Wednesday for more tests before they deem me worthy of going back to work. Part of all this though is that I'll be on some new meds. Dr. Laurie wants to give me a week to see how the meds affect me before I go back to work. I am so not looking forward to that after last time.

In a way, it's kind of a relief to know that I am hallucinating. And Dr. Laurie did say that because the stent would be pushing back on the tumor, the hallucinations might not go away. So there's a certain amount of distress about that. But considering what I've been seeing, now that I know, they've been kinda cute. Not disruptive, or debilitating. If they get worse, obviously I need to report it to Dr. Laurie. But otherwise I can deal. It does mean I can't trust everything I see as readily. But I've already been working on asking if other people are seeing what I'm seeing. And those close to me will know what's going on.

We're also concerned how this might affect my dizzy spells. I already keep a record of them, we'll just be going over their frequency for a while. Dr. Laurie did note that at about one attack per week, I am still up from my rates before my blackout in August. And he thinks that this bulge probably caused the blackout in the first place. So one possibility is that my attacks might go back to their original rate. But we won't know for a while.

Dr. Laurie did assure me that this was a minimally invasive surgery. And he's asked a colleague of his at the hospital to step in. Dr. Kendrick has been very successful with these operations, and he's confident that it'll go smoothly. I'll meet her on Thursday when I come in.

So that's the big news. I was waking up so late this morning that I almost missed my appointment. Mom was starting to get concerned, so she called Candace to find out where I was. I was still in bed. Candace woke me, and I got dressed in a hurry while Mom drove over to pick me up. And then we made our way to the Dr.'s office walking in just in time. Afterward I apologized for running so late, but Mom was great. She said Candace had called while I was in talking to the Dr. and apologized. Mom said she was just happy to hear I'd had a good night. And while we were talking Max texted to also apologize. She'd left for class thinking I'd have plenty of time to get up. What got Mom concerned was that Hal had stopped by to pick me up for the gym as usual.

But by that point I'd missed Hal for lunch as well. Mom had planned the day off for me anyway, so she helped me get around and take care of what I needed. And after I got home I called up the museum to let them know what was going on. Thankfully Dr. Laurie already provided me with a Dr.'s note. I'll turn that in to them on Friday when I go back to work. Helene was nice about it though, she just has to make sure everything's in order.

With all that going on though, I forgot what day it was. Hal came calling after class, which I expected. What I didn't expect was for him to be dressed up all nice and sharp. He'd gotten reservations at Fruition for tonight, and we had about twenty minutes to get there. I don't think I've every gotten dressed that fast.

Fantastic food, fantastic night. Though it wasn't until we'd gotten back to Hal's place that I realized I'd left my present for him in the dryer at home. We still had a wonderful evening, and Mom had already informed Hal not to worry about getting me home. It seems she and he had done some scheming on me. Hal promises he didn't plan for it to go that far, just that he wanted to surprise me with dinner. It was Mom that insisted that I didn't have to be home at any reasonable hour. And then while I was rushing to get dressed, she handed him my over-night bag. It doesn't have any clean clothes, since that's what I was washing. But it's got my amenities, and my journal.

Now that I'm caught up though, time to make this fantastic night unbelievable. I think I've kept Hal waiting long enough.

Jan. 31, '18

It happened again.

Candace woke us up at three-thirty as we agreed, while Sam woke Max. It was hard getting up that early, and it wasn't made any easier by how cold it was. We all bundled up in our warm coats, and Hal and I wrapped ourselves up in a comforter for good measure. Candace led Max and us outside where she and Sam had already stacked logs for a fire. Candace did make sure we all had some of her wonderful hot chocolate to sip on.

So here we were standing around in the freezing cold, almost hugging our hot mugs while the steam flowed up around us all. Unfortunately the cloud coverage was so bad we didn't have a clear view of the moon. Things were bright though, much brighter than could be explained by the street lights and porch lights that were on. Where the moon was was brightly back lit clouds, it was pretty despite our desire to see the moon itself.

As we waited, watching, Sam joined us. He came out wearing, I shit you not, a full actual wool cloak. It was very cool, and when we got to talking later I asked about it. He said he'd gotten it through his Ren Fest connections, someone that sells wool cloaks and coats. He said he could hook me up if I wanted one. I even got to try it on, and it's warm. I may have to take him up on that.

Since we couldn't make out the moon for ourselves, Hal brought out his phone so we could watch a live feed. As he was doing that, Sam pulled out flint and steel and struck the flint to create sparks. He did this over a pile of what looked like wool, but I guess it was wood shavings. It didn't take him long and soon enough he had a tiny smoking flame. He cupped it gingerly, almost like holding a precious child and blew on it to encourage it. It burst into flame and quickly he placed the shavings into a nook he'd left in the brazer. With a little more encouragement, the flame caught and grew and in short order we had a full on fire.

With the fire roaring, we bundled close. Sam stepped close to Candace and brought Max in to wrap his cloak around them. Watching on Hal's phone was alright, but of course our attentions wavered. We got to talking and Max suggested at one point we should roast marshmallows, which was a great idea.

It was about a quarter to five that the total eclipse started, and by then Sam had already tended to the fire. He had let it burn down and added wood in such a way to offer a place to put the log we had spiced up earlier. He brought out the log in preparation, and as the full shadow started to pass over the moon he placed it on the fire. It didn't immediately catch, the green plants and flowers smoking for a moment before catching themselves. But the smell that was given off was nice. Between the sandalwood and the anise, it was very pleasant.

Now that the log was on the fire, Candace passed out candles for each of us to hold. Sam lit his from the brazer, then in turn lit all of ours. Then we went about her yard and house and lit all of the candles that she and I had put up. It was kind of neat. While we couldn't see the shadow pass over the moon, the area did get noticeably darker and the bright spot in the sky had disappeared.

Between Max, Hal, and I, we were geeking out. Sam seemed to enjoy our conversation, but often asked about our references. Candace just listened. Once we realized she just didn't catch any of our references we started listing off movies that we were going to have to show her. She did get excited at that.

It was during this conversation that something caught my attention. I looked over toward the tree, and standing beside it was a beautiful woman. Despite the cold, she was only wearing a shift that was so sheer she may as well not have worn anything. She had olive skin, a little lighter than my own, and thick, dark, long flowing hair. She was tall, at least compared to Max and I. She's probably about as tall as Candace, and her hair just as dark. She wasn't as thin as Candace, her proportions would be better compared to Max than to me. Like I said, drop dead gorgeous. And she was watching us with an amused expression.

Of course, the first thing I do is look to Hal and Sam to see if they notice her, but everyone else was just talking. I looked back, she was still there. So I swallowed my pride and asked if anyone else could see her.

No one could. But since I had now drawn attention to her, and everyone was looking toward her if not at her. She responded, concerned even, and was now watching me intently. I didn't describe her, not fully, because that was embarrassing enough. But also because if they saw her, I'd want them to be able to confirm it. Sam asked what she was doing, I said "Just watching us." Though really, by this point she was watching me.

She didn't leave though, and the others became concerned as I was that I was seeing things. They all knew about the fairies, but only Hal was there for that. They were all having about the same reaction that Hal had before. But Hal was now showing concern much more along what I was feeling. But he remembered his theory about fairies showing themselves to me. So he left the comfort of our blanket and walked out to the tree where I had pointed. The lady seemed alarmed that anyone would approach her, but once she understood I was directing him she became amused again.

She brought her finger to her lips, a sign to me to keep quiet, and then she stepped away and avoided his search. I don't know why I stayed quiet, part of me is screaming that I should have said something. But as easily as she was avoiding him I don't think it would have done any good to have him more frantically run about the yard. So I kept quiet while Hal searched around the tree.

With nothing found, the others started to ask if I wanted to go in. I considered it, but when I looked back to the lady, she had a pleading look on her face as though begging me to stay. So I said "No, I'm fine." She indicated that I should pretend that she had gone. So I did.

I think part of why I agreed to this was that she was responding to us, to me, and interacting with me. I thought if she were just a hallucination, she'd be acting on her own regardless of what happened around her. Now I'm not so sure, and I'll have to ask Dr. Laurie next time I see him.

We watched Hal's live feed for a while, and she stayed the whole time. She seemed to enjoy the smell of the fire, but she avoided stepping close to it or to us. She did move about the yard and inspected Candace's garden. I think I even saw that she approved.

Since there was little else to see though, Hal and Max both indicated going back to sleep before they had to get up for class. So we all went in. They went to bed, I told Hal I'd join him later. Candace yawned and said she was going to bed. Sam asked me if I was going to be alright. I said I'd talk to Dr. Laurie when he calls me up about my results. He asked me if I needed anything, and when I said I'd be fine he locked up and went into Max's room.

When I looked outside, she was still there. She was watching me still, and she gestured for me to join her.

So I did.

When I was close enough, she asked why I could see her. Her voice was lovely, deep in a feminine way, and had a thick accent that almost seemed familiar. I told her I was asking myself that same question. She remained quiet as she watched me. It was penetrating, intimate, uncomfortable. So I tried manors, I introduced myself and asked who she was. She smiled and said it was nice to meet me, but she answered only that she was family. Before I could ask, she said I was a good friend. It caught me off guard, and I wanted to thank her and ask what she meant. But again she didn't let me. "She's in terrible danger, take care of her." Finally I was able to ask what she meant. She looked up toward where the moon should be. "I'm sorry," she said "but I'm out of time." And then she faded away.

I didn't move for a long moment. It seemed like I didn't even breath. Too scared of what had happened, if it had happened. Too scared that it hadn't happened. In my head, over and over was Candace's explanation, that tonight Selene could visit.

Sam came out and called to me, breaking me out of my stupor. He asked if everything was alright. I told him I didn't know. He came up and wrapped me up in a hug. He didn't have his cloak, or his shirt. I didn't notice at first how little he was wearing, I only noticed how warm he was, how strong he was. He held me firmly, comfortingly for another long moment before I finally moved. He asked me then if she'd ever went away. I shook my head, "Just now" I explained.

He brought me in and led me to our room, asking a last time if I needed anything. I said no, thank you. And then he watched me enter my room. I closed the door and listened for him to leave, which he didn't immediately. But now that he's gone I'm writing this down before I curl back up with Hal. I can't forget any of this. "She's in terrible danger, take care of her." Who's in danger? What danger?