I want the story to be about the way things are

This is difficult to do, because the story is in large part telling about what happens after the fall of O Véu and the return of the fae. These are big things, but I wanted them to happen gradually. The way I was doing this was perhaps too gradual. I knew I wanted things to take time, but I struggled with feeling they were taking too long and having too much revealed when I would mention what all was happening. I used Halvis to help reveal some of what was happening outside Rawiya's little world, and I feel I went overboard with him.

But that slow change was what was supposed to help me lay out the way things were. And I feel looking over things that I failed in that regard. I didn't emphasis the worldly problems we already have, in particular global warming and the rise of fascism. I was focused too much on Rawiya's day to day life, and to be fair that's kind of what a journal format leads too. If anything, this is why I'm rethinking the format I want to use. I hoped that people would already be aware of the larger issues at hand, and that I could simply mention them in passing to help keep my story grounded in reality without having to dwell on them.

I was hoping though for reader interaction. I felt that using a blog format might encourage people to interact with the journal and maybe even to interact with Rawiya personally. But honestly I wasn't even really getting readers to begin with, much less the readers that might want to respond. I had hoped that having people who interacted with my story would give me a way to incorporate more friends than just that of Max.

My greater dreams was that people might incorporate the ideas presented into their own stories that would make the whole thing alive. People making up stories (or even relating actual experiences that they had) telling about encountering weird things that might be explained by the fae. I'd even incorporated an experience of my own as one such odd occurrence.

In any case, the main elements in my story of "the way things are" was Rawiya's family and long standing friend Max. But as I already mentioned, I didn't want them to be distractions so I took them for granted and kept them at a distance.

Dad is a hard working man who keeps busy and is usually at work. Mom was more the homemaker, but I didn't want her to be so limited, so she had a history of work elsewhere that I touched upon. I wanted the feeling that she was a homemaker but where able she'd help out at various public programs. I wanted her to be an artist I think and to have ties with the community.

Efe was a nickname I'd given to Rawiya's brother. I never did come up with a proper name, but kinda felt I didn't need to. He was off serving, which gave me a good excuse to not mention him very often, but I wanted to keep his ties strong, which was why I'd tried to maintain some letter writing and the occasional phone call. I wanted to use his position in the service to provide some contact with what the military was doing in response to everything that was going on. But I knew this would be difficult, mostly due to lack of contact when things did happen, and his inability to report on anything. In my introductory letter I only mentioned Fayette's Aunt and Uncle, I had purposely left that vague because I wasn't sure which Aunt or Uncle Fayette would spend most of her years with, or even whether Efe would survive.

Which leaves Batel, who's in college at the time of the writing of the journals. I wanted Batel to have a relatively normal life, and to be able to provide a personal touch to the oddities that people would be experiencing over the coming years. It'd give me a way to express things happening elsewhere while keeping the important bits happening in the immediate. To that end I had hoped that Batel would travel after graduating college. And to be honest I was leaning on her being the Aunt and mother of the cousins that Fayette is "currently" playing with.

Max is the one who I kept close, she was Rawiya's best friend as of the writing of the journals. But of course she was going to college while Rawiya was working and saving up to do the same. This gave them somewhat strained contact, Rawiya had weekdays off regularly while Max schooled during the week. So I tried to work in a break between classes that would allow Max to join Rawiya for lunch once in a while.

I wanted Max to be an opposite to Rawiya. Where Rawiya is reserved and quiet, I wanted Max to be outrageous and boisterous. I wanted Rawiya to be scared and uncertain, I wanted her to grow from that. And I wanted Max to be adventurous and self assured. So when something was happening in the mountains, Max had to be the one to go check it out.

I feel I didn't give Max as much of a spotlight as I should have, and I mentioned this before. So I was constantly trying to find some way to bring her into the story. I still do whenever I think about this.

In my head I see Max as a freckled red head with a mischievous smile. I see her tall to Rawiya, but not necessarily tall in a more general sense of things. Merida springs to mind as I write this. I see her as outgoing and perpetually in the company of a different boyfriend. To me she has a magnetic personality, people want to be around her. But she is uncompromising and unwilling to settle, and so people get hurt. Max just moves on, and doesn't look back.

These were the people that I wanted to establish Rawiya's life with, they were her foundation. Which is why I feel I do them a disservice by keeping them all so distance. It felt like I'd already moved on from them, and wasn't giving me the ability to move on.

April 2nd, 2018

Not an hour after I'd finished my journal last night and Mom calls up to say she'd received a letter for me from Efe. It was already getting late so she didn't want to bring it to me then, but wanted to know when I'd be home after work today so she could drop it off. That's why I didn't make any note last night, I didn't have his letter in hand to say anything about it, but I do now!

Sounds like he's doing good, but he said things have been tesnse lately and he's not sure how to explain it. He says they've been running extra security checks and drills as though the higher ups are expecting something, but otherwise everything seems fine. He did confirm hearing about Smithwick, but it hadn't registered to him at the time so he didn't pay attention. Now that I've brought it to his attention, Efe said he'd ask around.

He expresses concern about my hallucinations and asked a lot of questions, especially about things I had specifically avoided telling him. I'm not sure how I'm going to answer some of his questions, but the others about what the doctors are saying and stuff I can be more up front about. Of course there is the delay in correspondence, so as much as anything he's just asking for an update knowing I'd have been taking care of things.

Then of course he asks about the museum and how my job is going. I'm not sure how I'm going to tell him about that without explaining why and sounding crazy. Although it sounds like I may not have to worry about it. Efe's put in for leave for the week of Dad and Batel's birthday. He'll miss Mom's birthday, but he always tries to come home that week because all their birthdays are so close. I could just not write back and he'll be arriving about the time I'd be getting a response from him anyway.

No, I should write something at least, even if it's a "looking forward to seeing you, we'll talk then."

It is nice to hear from him, and other than the stress of drilling all the time it sounds like he's having fun. He still can't tell me where he is, but he must be near civilization because he mentioned being able to visit town with his buddies more than once. As always he's frustratingly vague with the things they're doing, and I suppose that's how he'd feel if I avoided answering his questions.

I'm stewing on what I should write back, or if I should write back. So I haven't even pulled out any paper yet.

As for my day today, it was much easier. At least, getting into the swing of things. We'd moved most of the stuff out of Sam's shed Friday, so today I spent time cleaning the shed out and working out how and where to put things back in. Once I got to contemplate everything, and how little that shed was, I started wondering where it all came from. Sam says it was all in the shed, but I just don't see how. And he wants me to get it all back in there.

So while I was cleaning the shed out, which consisted of using a broom to clean up the cobwebs and brush down the walls before sweeping it out. It's not like we're going to prepare food in there, but I couldn't believe how much dust and mud made its way in. I let my mind ponder the question of how to organize everything and get it all back in. There was a shelf in the back that I cleaned off, and I realized it was just some sheet metal propped up on some wall hooks. The hooks themselves were adjustable, fitting into a series of mounts that I found all around the shed. I asked Sam while we ate lunch if he'd would be willing to cut up some of that sheet metal so I could make more shelving, and he said that was a great idea. Most of the metal is scrap anyway, stuff he uses for spare when he needs.

After lunch I found a pencil and some paper and started making notes for how big I'd want the shelves to be, and found a measuring tape among his tools so I could give him numbers. Then I set about organizing all his stuff into piles so I could get an idea of what would be going back into the shed. Most of the sheet metal and scraps I think we can slide under the shed. It's propped up off the ground anyway, so there's room. And I found a couple of metal barrels that are empty, if we can get them into the shed and cut the tops off they can store more stuff. Stand up the bars and fence posts in one, and use the other for smaller scraps and chunks that don't stack so easily.

I found so many pliers, I'm starting to wonder if Sam buys a new pair every month or so because he can't find the others. I'm going to put up nails to hang them off all over the place so he always has a pair handy. And I'd say something similar about his hammers, except all the hammers are different and they look much more well cared for... and used. So those I'll have to dedicate some space for and organize.

I remembered as I was thinking things through of seeing inside Max's Dad's garage. We didn't usually go in there, not much reason to, but he had a peg board on which he hung a lot of his tools. I think I'm going to do that against one of the walls, and we can use nails for pegs since he's got so many. Sam thought that was a good idea too, but confessed that he didn't have any peg board. So after that I started using my note paper to make a list of everything I wanted, and when it was time to go I presented it to Sam. He checked off everything he had, or could manage, and said we'll have to go shopping for the rest.

I was a little embarrassed to be spending his money for him, but Sam said it was perfectly fine. He said he's got something he needs my help with tomorrow, but Wednesday we can go shopping and pick most of that stuff up.

To be honest, I was surprised how fast the day went by. I worked, but it didn't feel like I'd done all that much. Next thing I knew Sam was knocking on the side of the shed to get my attention and it was time to clean up to go. I was apologetic about asking him to buy things, and about not getting anything put back in the shed, and then as I start apologizing for not being ready to go he just starts laughing. It didn't make me feel the greatest, but Sam reminded me that this wasn't an office job and he wasn't ticking off my tasks. He knew this was a big job, and if it was going to get organized right, it'd take time. As long as I wasn't walking around talking on my phone instead of working, he was happy. Did I mention we don't get any cell service out there?

As early as we started, it felt like I had all afternoon to myself once I got home. Candace was in bed when I got there and I had a few hours before she got around. In fact I was able to surprise her with breakfast when she got up for a change. I didn't cook anywhere near as well as she does, but she ate my pancakes and didn't even mention how dark they were. She seemed a little grumpy though, and I offered an apology for waking her up. She just shook her head and said it was fine, that it was nice waking up to the smell of my pancakes.

It feels odd having to go to bed while the sun's still up. I know it'll pass behind the mountains soon, and that makes it a bit easier, but I'm just so used to not even thinking about bed until it was dark. Probably why I'm still sitting here writing even though I should be in bed.

March 25th, 2018

I can't believe how fast this move has taken place. Efe wasn't really moving anything, but he was still preparing for shipping out for a week in advance, and Batel spent the whole week packing before we moved all her stuff in one go. My decision to move was less than a week ago, and we packed all day yesterday, and we moved most of the stuff today. My two heavy items, my bed and dresser, means that I'm sleeping here, and I've got the clothes to do so. We grabbed a bunch of boxes, my books, comics, movies, and other things that were easy to grab and pack. Also heavy boxes. But I still have a lot of stuff left at home, and I forgot to grab my toiletries and towels. Fortunately I've stayed over here before and Candace is happy to let me use her stuff till I get mine.

It's just been a long day of moving, but between Dad and Sam, I hardly had to do any heavy lifting. I felt bad for Dad, but Sam made it look easy. Hal's been texting me through the day, he would have loved to come help and kept asking to do so. But I know he's on the outs right now with my parents, and he's got school starting up again tomorrow. So I told him not today, but he can come by and help me unpack things after it's all here.

Dad's going to come get me tomorrow and we'll see about getting the rest of my stuff packed up to move. But he's got to work, so it'll get packed, I don't know if it'll get moved. I may have to find a way to smooth things over with the parental units and Hal to get his help.

Anyway, it's late now that I've finished making the bed. I need to get to sleep if I'm going to be up in time for Dad to get me.

March 24th, 2018

We haven't always lived here, so I've moved before. But it's been a long time since I've moved and I don't really remember doing it before. When Efe left to join the service, he pretty much left everything behind. In fact his room still has all of his stuff right where he left it. Mom dusts it out every so often, and he's come home to visit a couple of times. But he didn't exactly move. Batel on the other hand did move, and since we were sharing a room that pretty much opened things up for me. I did get to help with that though, and packing her things up and hauling them to Arizona is easy to remember since it was only almost a year ago.

Packing her things up was mostly just a lot of work, but there was a certain amount of emotion involved because my sister was moving away. But moving myself, it's almost opposite. It's still work, but there's a lot more emotion involved. As Mom and I are going through things, it's more like we're going through my memories to see what's there. It was the same with Batel, but they were her memories as much as anything. This time they're my memories.

That was my day today, just cleaning things up and packaging them away. Fortunately I'd done laundry recently, so my clothes were easy to pack away. Saving enough out for the next few days to remain descent. We've still got a lot to pack though, and it's a little mind blowing realizing how much crap I've got. I hadn't though I'd had that much stuff, but now I've got the boxes to prove otherwise.

Sam'll be by tomorrow to start moving the big things with his trailer. Since I'm only moving across town, we're not in as much of a rush to move all the things right now like we were with Batel. But the more we can get on that trailer the easier it'll be later. Besides, once my bed is moved, I'll have to be able to start sleeping at Candace's. So I'll need my clothes and toiletries to come with. The rest can come at a more relaxed pace.

Long day today, I expect it'll be another long day tomorrow.

February 27th, 2018

My return visit is tomorrow. And I really need to talk to Dr. Laurie about my medication and how tired I've been feeling. Even today, woke up feeling better. Hal stopped by and we went to the gym. But after he brought me home, I laid down on the couch and passed out immediately.

Since Mom will be escorting me around tomorrow, and we're not sure just how involved that might be. So she's been out all day taking care of things she needs to take care of. It did leave me to just sleep on the couch, and every once in a while I'd get up to take care of things, or change the channel on the TV, only to lay back down and fall asleep.

It was about a quarter to four that I woke up to a dizzy spell. This one was strange though, almost like when waking up in a falling dream. But different enough that I know it was an attack, though I'm not sure I can explain how. There's this lingering feeling I have during and after an attack that I felt right as I woke up. As far as an attack goes, besides waking me up, it's probably the easiest attack I've ever had. And if the medication did that for me, that'd be great! But I can't function being so tired all the time.

Having woke though, I found Dad sitting in his chair. He must've come home and make himself comfortable without waking me. But since I'd jolted away, he turned off the TV and joined me on the couch to comfort me. After a bit he asked how things were. I told him how tired I'd been and how I suspect it's the medication. He apologized and said he meant how were things going between Hal and I? I hesitantly answered, "good."

He engaged me on that, genuinely curious and just letting me know he wanted me to be happy. He finally admitted to me an awareness about how he'd alienated Batel. He still feels strongly about the things he believes, that sex is something that should be saved for marriage and family building. But after what happened between him and Batel, he feels like he pushed her away, that she moved to Arizona to get away from him. Since then he's learned that our happiness is more important to him than his "old beliefs."

In his spare time, he admitted that he'd been doing a lot of studying. Learning about human sexuality, feminist issues, all sorts of things. He understands now how important sex is to a lasting relationship, and that means finding someone I'd be compatible with. There are dangers, like STD's, and he believes those things reinforce his belief that sex should be maintained only between married couples. But he also admits that in knowing the dangers, we can use protection and being safe. As long as that's the case, he's understanding with finding sexual compatibility before marriage.

It was awkward, and embarrassing, not the least of which because I'm well beyond the age where "the talk" should have taken place. But it was also frank, and more importantly him growing into an acceptance that he didn't have with Batel. He stressed, more than his own feelings on the subject, that he wanted me to be safe, and then happy. Mostly he wanted me to know that he would always be here for me. That I didn't need his permission, but that I had his permission to be my own person.

And then he gave me one more hug, and the got up and headed into the kitchen to start making dinner since Mom would be home soon.

I love my father so much, and that means the world to me for him to have said all that. I'm not going to go flaunting my relationship in front of him. But I also know that I no longer have to be afraid of him finding out. Though considering what Mom found in the dryer the other day, and she still hasn't said one word to me about. I suspect she and he have had a long heart to heart.

I'm getting to this much earlier than I normally would. Mom just got home, and the smells coming out of the kitchen are making my stomach growl like Pavlov's dogs. It's been a while since the last time Dad cooked, and he always makes such good food. So I'm going to go eat, and maybe try and stay up as long as I can. But more likely I'll pass out on my empty plate.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have good news.

February 24th, 2018

Oh my goodness, today was such a good day. A long overdue relaxing day. It's too bad days like this can't happen more often and really makes me wish I could have a more regular schedule with the weekends off.

Hal picked me up early in the day, and then we headed over to Candace's to meet up with her and Max. And then since Hal's jeep was more practical for the four of us we took his car. We hit up the gym first just so we can say we earned the day. I haven't been able to run with Max in a while, that was nice. And it allowed us to go more at our own pace rather than me feeling like I need to keep up with Hal. Whereas Hal and Candace were really able to stretch their longer legs.

Afterward we went to the Botanic Gardens. And with all the snow we've had recently, the place was beautiful. It's not the lively green of the spring and summer months, but they make the gardens inviting during the winter and have fun with the snow. It was a real treat to be able to go. It also gave Hal a chance to try and check in on Melia Floros, something that we had talked about doing a month ago or so. Turns out, she doesn't work there any more. Probably just as well.

Today they were doing a "Bumblebee Jamboree", a concert aimed and families and kids. We got there late for that, but managed to see a bit of the end. It looked like it was a lot of fun. And all the kids dressed up in bee costumes, or with insect wings on their backs. It was the cutest thing.

Thing was, I was seeing more than just kids with wings. And I don't know if their costumes triggered it or what. But at first it was just a couple I saw sitting on the back of a bench. They were just sitting there, swinging their legs and watching all the people. They seemed to really enjoy the kids and were pointing the kids out to each other. It actually seemed rather normal. One was entirely green, even his spiked hair. He had like little baby's breath flowers arranged in like a crown around his head, and a bow rested over his shoulder and across his chest. Otherwise it didn't look like he was wearing anything. The other was darker skinned, like me, and she was wearing a skirt of petals that made me think of the Hawaiian grass skirts. Long flowing blue hair was all she had to cover her chest.

My first reaction was to do what I'd been doing all along. I asked Max, since she was right there, if she could see them. She thought I was pointing to a couple of kids nearby, I had to clarify that I was looking at fairies and that they were sitting on the bench. Max couldn't see them.

We moved on, and checked out as many of the gardens as we could. There's just so much to see. After that initial hallucination though, I stopped pointing the others out. And there were many, I was seeing fairies in each garden, at least one. The tropical garden had the most, off the top of my head I can remember three separate pairs and another group of three.

After all that I was feeling a little ragged. It's distressing enough to know I'm seeing things, but to see so many in such a short time. I don't know if it's a result of the stent, or the new medication, or a combination of the two. It was just a lot. And the others were noticing that I was struggling. When they started asking, Max admitted that I had hallucinated earlier, so they just assumed I was struggling and needed rest. Which isn't entirely wrong, it's just that I was struggling with what I was seeing.

But it was getting around lunch time, and we were getting hungry. So we headed out to Max's favorite restaurant, Casa Bonita. Candace couldn't remember ever having been before, so it was a real treat having her look wide eye'd at everything there is to see. Max had been texting Sam, and he joined us there to take a break from his commission. And then when it was time we all went and saw a midday showing of Black Panther.

That movie was so good! So well done in every way, definitely one of the MCU's best. Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger was such a relatable villain, not just one who's motivations we can understand, but someone we could so easily be. Boseman's T'Challa on the other hand was all about stepping into his role and defining it for himself. The struggle between tradition and whats right, his view of his father versus finding out what his father's done. It's a common storyline, the growth of the hero, but almost redefined or reforged in this movie. Personally I loved Letitia Wright's Q, I mean Shuri. She reminded me of Batel so much, but in her I could see my own admiration for my brother.

I could go on and on, everything about that movie is testament to the records it's breaking.

But I need to also mention what happened afterward. Sam had to get back to his stuff, and I was getting tired. So we stopped by the store on the way back to Candace's and grabbed groceries for to make dinner. By the time we were getting back to her place a news story interrupted Hal's station. There was a big fight happening right now between The Stag and the other cloaked individual he'd faced just the other day. Hal and Max rushed right into the house and turned on the TV to see the live coverage, leaving me to help Candace with the groceries.

All that aside. As usual, we don't know what started the fight, how or really where. Reports are that they were already fighting by the time it was reported to the news stations. Helicopters and vans were sent to Cherry Creek state park, and they were able to broadcast live the last of the fight. Again, both cloaked figures were paired off, the deer mask versus the fur mantle and spear. This time though, the opponent was making The Stag look like an amateur. Not that I'm an expert, just that for all his strength, The Stag couldn't land a hit. His opponent seemed to deflect and counter all of The Stags attempts to strike him, as much as he could he avoided facing The Stag directly, he did. They were both fast, but the opponent was faster.

We're aware of how strong The Stag is, maybe not specifics, but being able to push an overturned car is evidence of his strength. His opponent didn't seem to be as strong, but no weakling, especially not while using that spear. When he'd hit The Stag, The Stag was sent reeling. It was apparent his blows were forceful. Even still, The Stag took the beating. And he would not stop, by the time I'd joined Hal and Max, both of them were saying the fight was over, and they were still going at it.

I think what impressed me was how well the opponent was using his spear. He struck The Stag with his feet, his hands, and the butt and haft of the spear, but never with the point. It kinda made me wonder why he was fighting with a spear to begin with, but he used it masterfully.

The Stag on the other hand, he was relying on his strength way too much. Like I said, it was clear to us that The Stag wasn't landing blows. But he just kept trying to overpower his opponent with his strength. Candace stopped by real quick to ask for help in the kitchen, and taking a quick look at the TV I heard her mutter, "no self control." I told her I'd join her, but as I was turning to leave the sound of sirens was starting to be heard on the TV. I knew whatever would happen, the fight would be over shortly. So I stopped to finish it out.

The Stag, despite all his impressive strength and stamina, was being worn down. Whoever his opponent was, had fought him almost to a stand still. But The Stag must have a stubborn streak, he charged one last time. And his opponent finally used his spear like a spear. Just planted the butt in the ground and let The Stag run right into it. Using the momentum of The Stags charge, and the leverage of the planted spear, he lifted the spear throwing The Stag over his head. And as The Stag passed by, he jerked the spear pulling its head free, bright fresh red blood covering it.

The news stations cut the feed almost immediately, apologizing for the graphic content. At that point Candace turned the TV off and again asked for help.

We didn't discuss what we'd seen. It wasn't until Sam joined us that we started talking again, mostly just talking about how much fun we'd had and the movie. If Sam was aware of the news, he didn't say.

While Hal was bringing me home, he turned his radio back on to the news hoping to find out what'd happened afterward. It seems the police showed up to the park finding evidence of their fight, but couldn't find either The Stag or his opponent. We don't know where they went, if they left together, if the opponent took The Stag, if The Stag was able to leave on his own, or if he's even still alive.

The Stag is no role model, he's brutal and has a tendency to make things worse. And I don't know what he was trying to do, or trying to achieve. But I find myself worried for him, worried what's happened to him and if he'll be okay. I just, I wish I knew.

February 23rd, 2018

Just got home from spending today doing a whole lot of nothing. Being observed is what I was doing. But unlike a mouse, I don't get a little wheel to run around in. It was bed rest for me all day. Which would normally drive me up a wall, but I was just feeling lethargic all day. I don't know if it's the recovery from the operation, or the new drugs in my system or what. I do know I'm starting to come down off that feeling and I want to stretch my legs a bit. But it's late now, and to be honest just getting from the car to my bed was a bit of a trial. Despite my body feeling sore, I'm mentally feeling wide awake, and I'm a little worried that I'm not going to get a lot of sleep tonight.

The operation went well, or so I'm told. Scans afterward confirmed that the stent was in place, but images have been taken to be shared with Dr. Laurie's college. When I go back next week for the check up they'll take more scans to see if the stent is having any effect. So I may not hear word back for another month if this was successful or not. Though they do know what to look for now, so hopefully it won't take that long.

Sam did show up after the operation with Max. They wanted to know how I was doing and for me to know they were there if I needed. Sam even brought me one of those toy trolls with the hair just to cheer me up. It worked, it's cute, and it's holding a sign that says "Get Well."

They took Candace home, and Dad had to leave 'cause he still had work in the morning. Mom stayed with me all night. Batel called too and we got to talk. It was nice hearing from her. She finally openly admitted that she and Jason were dating, probably only 'cause Dad wasn't there. Probably also because Jason was with her, so Mom and I got to meet him over the phone. He sounds nice.

I slept hard last night, ten hours or so. This morning was a lot of meeting with Dr. Laurie to see how I was feeling, to confirm how things went, and what our next steps will be. He said he'd work out of the hospital today, so if we needed anything to just holler. And he checked in periodically through the day, which was nice.

Hal made sure to sneak in a burger for me for lunch. He said that was the one thing he really craved while he was admitted in August, and the one thing they absolutely wouldn't let him have. Neither of us are big burger eaters, but I have to admit, it hit the spot.

When Hal came again after class, he brought Candace with him. She was apologetic that she couldn't get here earlier, but Sam had work and she wasn't sure about the bus route. I assured her it was okay. They helped Mom and I prepare to be discharged, and while we waited we made plans for tomorrow. I mentioned wanting to visit the botanic gardens, which Candace has never gone. So we're going to plan on that. Max will meet us there, and then we'll hit up an early showing of Black Panther. I keep hearing it's really good, so I'm looking forward to that. And then Sam will join us for dinner afterward, provided his commission lets him.

After we got home, Mom and Candace worked on making dinner while Hal, Dad, and I watched TV. Hal did make sure to offer to help, but Mom and Candace kicked him out. It was a nice evening, Sam even stopped by to pick Candace up and stayed long enough to grab a bite. And then after they left Hal helped me to my room before leaving. I am feeling a lot stronger now than I was even this morning. But like I said, I feel sore all over. They entered my leg and fed the stent all the way into my brain from there. Not overly invasive, but probably why I'm feeling so sore.

Anyway, it's early for my usual bedtime, and I'm not tired. So I'm going to read for a while and see if that can't calm me down enough to sleep.

February 2nd, 2018

Today was a bit of a blur. I think the recent news of the lunar eclipse encouraged people to hit up the museum a bit. It's kinda interesting how that happens. It made for a stressful day since we weren't expecting so many visitors, but the day passed by quickly. I almost forgot my lunch break till I saw Hal, and then I had to get someone to let me out so I could go. It meant that our lunch was shorter than we would have liked, but it gave us time to confirm plans with everyone for conspiracy dinner tomorrow. Sam said he'd be late, but to make it up to us he'd bring dinner.

I did get Efe's letter sent, though I didn't get any pictures to go with it. I decided I'll have to start a small collection for the next letter. To that end, I did mention doing so to both Hal and my parents. I'll ask Candace and Max later. Max did have a thing for my brother once upon a time. I remember him confessing to me that he knew, but he felt it was weird. She was around Batel and me so often that he thought of her more as another sister. Speaking of Batel, I did message her asking if she'd gotten a letter from Efe. She said she hadn't yet. So I also let her know that I'd start sending pictures.

After work, Hal was there to pick me up in the parking lot. He was excited to inform me that he'd heard Melia Floros was starting to interview college students about the tree. With all the pressure Tim's been putting on him, Hal's hoping he might be able to catch her on campus at some point. Wouldn't that be funny? All this clandestine training, and Hal could bump into her as himself.

I helped him with his work for a bit, put together some dinner for us, and then we watched the next episode of Supernatural while we ate. Hal's roommate walked in on us sitting together on the couch. I don't know what's wrong with him. We weren't making out or anything. We both pleasantly said hi and offered the leftovers if he was hungry. He went into his room, tossed his things, and walked back out in a huff.

Hal did ask about last night. He said Sam had mentioned finding me back outside. I wasn't sure what to tell him, or how much to tell him. Partly I want confirmation from Dr. Laurie about whether I'm seeing things. So I just told him I went to look for myself. I guess Sam hadn't told Hal that whoever I was seeing was still there. He asked more about what she looked like, suggesting that if I was hallucinating it might be like my dreams. That I was using the image of someone I had seen to create the image. Hal mentioned that if I could find whoever I was seeing, it might confirm that I was hallucinating.

I'm a little surprised that he's actually taking the hallucination seriously. Rather than trying to find explanations of fairies or something. Either way he's been supportive, and I appreciate that. Though I do wish he'd just hold me some times, rather than try to find an explanation.

Anyway, home now. Work again tomorrow, and then our conspiracy dinner. Kinda curious what Sam's going to bring. He did ask if anyone had any allergies, which that I know of no one does.

January 16th, 2018

I forgot Hal had lab on Tuesdays. Waited in the parking lot for almost twenty minutes before I remembered, and by then I'd missed my bus. So I had to wait for the next bus and that just screwed up my entire schedule getting home.

I'd seen him at lunch too, and I don't know. We didn't talk about what we were going to do tonight, I didn't ask or anything. But he did tell me what they were going to do in his lab tonight, and it just didn't click. I feel so stupid.

Either way, had a nice home cooked meal. And since I wasn't doing anything else I texted Batel and asked if she was good to talk. She called and we talked about Efe's letter. She'd received one as well, which was surprising for us 'cause we didn't think he had her address. Mom overheard though and informed us that she'd given him her address just in case.

Anyway, I told Batel about the letters we'd found at Eli's place and how Sam had reacted to them, and Batel agreed with me about writing Efe on a regular basis. I'd put my letter out this morning to be taken, which was odd. I've put out letters before, but generally they were bills that I was paying. Of course now I do all my bills online. But I've never mailed a letter before. There was something novel about it that struck the same cord as having received Efe's letter.

So Batel is going to write a letter too, and Mom praised us as she overheard our conversation.

We talked some more, Batel's classes, how Hal and I are doing, how she and Jason are doing. The conversation turned to Max and our conspiracy nights, and Batel said she had some good news. The hikers that had gone missing in Saguaro National Park, they showed up last week! Batel hasn't had a lot of time to keep up on the news, but she had noticed that. One was in bad shape, she remembered, broke his leg or something and was rushed to the hospital. They were both partially dehydrated and starved, but they were found. That gives me hope that the others might be found soon. I may have to look up on that news a bit if I can.

I've been texting back and forth with Candace, she does want to join Hal and I for the gym tomorrow and is willing to join me for my round of chores. I do need to come back here to do laundry though, and she hasn't responded back whether she'd like to have dinner with us or what. I am curious if she's going to try and take the bus home alone. But if not I'm sure we can get her a ride or something.

I'm a little wired for some reason, but I don't want to stay up too late or I'll be tired all day tomorrow. I'm going to see if I can't find anything in the news, hopefully that puts me to sleep.

December 31st, 2017

I wish I didn't have work tomorrow. I'd really have liked to stay up with the others for the beginning of the New Year. I don't normally, but then I'm not normally at a party with friends.

Batel's package had arrived yesterday, which since I'd gotten home late I didn't learn about till this morning. Mom and I were able to bundle up everything we wanted to send along with Batel's sweater, so hopefully Efe'll get that soon. Mom was confused about Batel's sweater, saying it was awful. I tried telling her "That's the whole point," but she just didn't get it. She was about ready to send her stuff separately and I had to convince her not to.

While we were working on that, Sam and Candace called up to invite Hal and I over if we didn't already have any plans for tonight, which we hadn't. For all our talk yesterday we didn't talk about what to do for New Years and before that was the tubing party. At the time I told em I'd have to confirm with Hal, which I was able to later. And while they had me on the phone they said Max would be invited as well. I didn't want to say anything about Robert, because of course he was still a sore subject with Sam, so I told them I'd pass along their invite.

Max was thrilled, I think she was feeling a bit lonely for the celebration without Robert. And Hal admitted he didn't usually do anything for New Years either so he hadn't even thought about it. What a mindless pair we make.

So yea, we got together after work, I let the parents knew I'd probably be home late, and we headed over to Candace's. It was just the five of us, nice and cozy and not too crowded.

Actually, it was kind of funny, we ended up pairing off, guys on the couch and girls in the kitchen. At first I hadn't thought much about it, because the three of us were talking about Robert. Max admitted he didn't like the idea of the tubing trip in the first place. But he wasn't about to let Max go alone with two other guys. Never mind that Hal's with me and Sam's Sam. If she was going to hook up with him, they'd have already been hooked up. So he came, and brought his bad attitude with him. She and I were delicate about what had happened that night because of Candace, only to find out she's very perceptive. She thought it was great though, and even encouraged Max to use tonight to try Sam again.

That was about when I realized that we had paired off, 'cause when we looked he and Hal were chatting happily in front of the TV. We suggested playing games, completely unprepared for it. There were a few decks of cards, but neither Max nor I knew of any games beyond Solitaire. Eventually we did find that Eli had an old copy of Clue. Sam admitted that it had been a favorite of Eli's when they were growing up, and he hadn't played it since. So we gathered the boys up and sat around the table, making sure to put Sam and Max next to each other.

Hal was fun, he spent the game acting like he was Prof. Plum, and every time we'd accuse the professor, he'd act like we were accusing him. It had us laughing so hard. Candace was the only one to have to learn how to play, though Max and I had only played it a few times ourselves. But once she picked it up, man she was cut throat. And when Sam figured it out she was furious as soon as he offered his solution saying she was just about to say that. She hadn't even let the rest of us try and disprove him, she just threw her cards up knowing it was the solution.

It was Mrs. White, with the candlestick, in the conservatory.

We did start playing another game, but then I realized how late it was and had to go. Max drove herself, so we left her hoping she might have a better chance to talk with Sam. But Hal was my ride so he needed to get me home.

I could stay up for a bit longer just to say I was awake at midnight, but I'm tired and my bedtime has long since passed. I'm going to be useless at work tomorrow as is.

December 24th, 2017

What a busy day! I knew it was getting close, but Christmas and Christmas Eve always seem to take me by surprise. With school out, and people coming to Denver to visit families, we get a lot of extra traffic. It is interesting though that so many people are coming here to Denver considering the troubles at DIA and on I-70. I suppose that does make it easier on the people who live here, but I can't imagine it'd be any easier travel either way. Still, a lot of interesting people to meet today.

Hal did catch me at lunch, taking time away from spending it with family. We discussed what he'd be doing for the holidays and it got into a lot of the same conversation I'd been having with Candace about how my family doesn't celebrate like most others. Hal was understanding and accepting, but he was hoping I'd be able to join him. Alas, work. Not that I don't want to, I think it'd be nice to meet his folks. Maybe some time less... expecting?

That said, it was nice to get home tonight just to Mom and Dad. Mom was talking with Batel when I got in, and they were already planning on sending a care package to Efe. Batel finally found the perfect sweater to go with my tie. Not a cardigan like we'd hoped, but she said it was called a "Humping Reindeer" sweater. I can only imagine. So she's going to package that up and mail it to us, that way we can box it up with my tie and Mom wanted to send along some treats. Should be nice.

On that note, Mom and I set about making cookies. It was a good night all together. Tomorrow will probably be dead at the Museum, but I still have to show up. No worries, we'll get some cleaning done I'm sure.

December 13th, 2017

I'm watching the news with Dad as I write this, there's a story about the sounds heard in Denver today that I want to see. They were heard mostly in the western edge of the city, as if the sounds were coming from the mountains. From what I had heard, it reminded me of the sounds that Max said people were hearing in the mountains. So I texted her asking about it. She wasn't able to get back to me until after class, but she said she'd heard people talking about it. She was going to get a ride from her new boyfriend up into the foothills to see if they could hear it. I haven't heard back from her since, but she did say she'd talk to us on Saturday about what she could find.

As far as this story seems to suggest, what people were hearing sounded like the wailing of the wind. There wasn't any weather projections for high winds or anything, so people were concerned. More than a few were worried about a tornado, which also seems to lead to some confusion as to the source location of the sounds. A tornado wouldn't be coming out of the mountains, of course I don't think we'd have to worry about a tornado this time of year anyway. Mostly what was alarming was how loud the sound was. Drivers coming over the pass reported shattered mirrors and cracked windshields. There's a church up I-70 heading west out of Denver that reported similar destruction of their glass windows, as well as other buildings in the area. Residents up there report the sound was so loud it caused them pain, a few people even had to go to the hospital. It seems most people were fortunate for the season, they had earmuffs at hand they could put on to mute the sounds.

Investigators are at a loss as to the cause. I think the current consensus is that there was a micro weather pattern producing high winds at altitude, but no one seems certain of that. The reporter seems to have been doing her job though, she's actually starting to go over the same stories that Max had brought up the previous week. So officials know this is not a new thing, that it's been going on for almost a month now. It's probably the biggest hole in their micro weather pattern theory. Oh, we are being reminded that some storm patterns can last for significantly long periods of time. And the other guy reminds his companion that satellites aren't detecting the high winds he is suggesting would be there.

I think the only thing we can be sure of right now is that no one knows what's going on.

Being on this side of Denver, I can't report having heard anything. My day was, well not the usual day. It wasn't just my dentist appointment, Candace actually called me up and asked if she could join me. She was hoping to go to the gym with me in the morning, but was willing to spend the day with me if I'd have her. I thought that was great and asked if Sam was okay with it. She said he was and had even gotten her a card of her own so she could buy lunch while we were out.

Normally I'd take my sweet time getting around, but after she called I needed to rush to catch the bus so I could get to her place. She even offered to meet me at the stop to her place, which made things much easier. She'd only rode the bus for the first time with me last week, and with as long as it'd taken her to get comfortable with her home phone, I'm pleasantly surprised at how quickly she's adjusting. In any case, since she could meet me at her stop, she was able to board the bus and we could keep heading toward the light rail and take that route.

I did text Sam just to confirm. As much as I would like to find out she's being all independent, I'd feel awful if something were to happen and he didn't know. Sam thanked me for checking in, and confirmed that he was aware. He said if we wanted he could try to meet us for lunch, but that he had a project he was working on and wasn't sure when he'd have the free time. In the end Candace was all mine today.

So we hit up the gym first, though we had to cut it short so I could make my dentist appointment. We did take the time to get Candace a locker of her own, and with a second bag she'd be able to switch out gym clothes so they can get washed like I do mine.

Candace hadn't realized that I'd have a dentist appointment today, and she found herself bored while there. She was very concerned about the sounds she was hearing though and I had to put her at ease that we weren't being tortured. (We being myself and the other patients.)

After that we made our way to the pharmacy so I could pick up my latest renewal. By this point we were getting hungry, and I had wanted to stop by the mall to find Efe a tie. So we made our way there and hit up the food court first. Candace was excited that we'd be going shopping again. I guess the only time she'd been out was with Sam and I, so I had to explain that I was only looking for a tie for my brother. Still, she made sure to stuff her gym bag full of things she found and wanted.

She found it novel that I was buying a tie for my brother though, and even more so that I was looking for the most hideous tie I could find. She asked if she should do the same for Sam. This lead into a conversation about how families from different cultures have different ideas about gift giving and celebrations. For my family, birthdays are celebrated, but we don't buy gifts for each other like most others. We do get gifts for each other, but as much as anything simply because we want to, not to mark any particular occasion. We also don't tend to celebrate Christmas in the same way. We come from an Islamic background, and as such don't celebrate the same holidays that most people in the states have. Living in a culture so separate from our own, we've acclimated to what surrounds us. We've come to celebrate holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween, just in our own way. That said, because my siblings and I grew up in public schools where kids celebrate their birthdays with presents and the like; my sister and I picked up buying gifts for my brother, and he us, in a way that isn't shared by the rest of our family. With his birthday being so close to Christmas, we kinda wing it and just get a gift for him around this time of year, and not for either day specifically. But we have always tried to find him the most hideous article of clothing we can find.

My suggestion for her was to ask Sam about how he and his brother and the rest of his family celebrated. From all appearances, his parents were very Christian, and I suspected that like most people they celebrate Christmas and Birthdays with gift giving. But she'd need to know when his birthday is, or with Christmas coming up, we could look for a gift for him now. She said she'd talk to him first and find out. And she'd give some thought to her present, she didn't like the idea of getting him ugly clothing.

We spent some time looking around, and talking and laughing. I did find the perfect tie for Efe, it's Rudolf's face complete with a red nose made with a ball of yarn that can be squeezed to play the song. Completely hideous. And then we needed to be making our way home so I could get her to her stop first and then I could get home from there. Candace is amazed at how well I know the public transportation system, and I just had to remind her that it's taken years of practice.

I did make sure to text Batel a picture of the tie I got for Efe, and she said she'll see about finding a matching cardigan. I'm so excited by this.

Candace did want to hit up the gym again tomorrow, I think she really enjoys getting the exercise. So I need to be getting to bed so I can meet her early tomorrow.

December 11th, 2017

For as busy as it had been this last weekend. Today seemed almost dead in comparison. It wasn't, our attendance was still up today compared to normal. As much business as we've done these last two days, we were all ready for another very busy day, and we didn't need to be. I was noticing though that a lot of today's visitors were from out of town. Everyone in town must've had to go back to work, leaving just those who were visiting. A lot of interesting characters I must say, two really stood out to me.

The first one caught my eye 'cause he immediately made me think of Mr. Westhouse. And while he was an older man wearing tweed, it didn't take me long to realize he wasn't Mr. Westhouse. For one thing, Mr. Westhouse was tall and slender with a straight back. This guy was short, and not overweight by any means, but not skinny. Also, Mr. Westhouse had a very professional appearance to him, this guy looked more like a tenured professor who didn't have to worry about things as much. I remember Mr. Westhouse being attentive too. As long as he was talking to his companion his attention was full. And when I entered the room his full attention was on me. This guy didn't seem to be aware of anyone around him.

Well, he wasn't aware of anyone but his companion. He almost seemed like a little kid always asking his parents to come see what he's found. Except, he would have been a grandparent to his companion. Which obviously wasn't the case, because where the older man was pasty white his companion looked Hispanic. It wasn't just that the guy was accompanying the old man, on his own I think he would have stood out as well. In the show Supernatural, Sam and Dean often present themselves as FBI agents, and when they do so they dress up in suit and tie. That's what this guy was wearing. Except, even in the show Sam and Dean make their suites look loose. Not like the suits are a size too big, as much as unprofessional. Like they were thrown on in a hurry and they didn't pay attention to how they looked. This guy looked sharp, his suit was very well fitting, and he plainly cared about his appearance.

But I find myself thinking back to the two's interaction. It wasn't just that the older guy was like the child always asking for attention, the younger guy was trying to get tickets and keep an eye on him at the same time. I can't help but laugh at the roll reversal. And yet, the younger was attentive to the older. Usually parents are exasperated and almost annoyed that their kids are so demanding when they're trying to get tickets or whatever. The younger seemed practiced at that, and I wouldn't be surprised to find he did have kids of his own. So he'd give the older attention long enough to make him happy, and then he'd turn back to Robert to finish buying tickets.

I didn't get to watch them as eagerly as I might normally, I did have guests of my own to tend to. But for what little I saw, they really made an impression.

As I was saying though, as busy as the day was it was a breeze compared to the last two. So my attention was kept, and time flew, and it was relaxing. Which is such an odd thing to be true.

Hal made sure to join me for lunch. He said with final projects due this week and then finals next week, he wouldn't have any time. He was apologetic, and I was understanding. And so he was adamant that he be able to see me at lunch cause he won't otherwise.

I was telling him about the two guys I'd seen checking in, and he laughed and said he'd noticed the older dragging the younger through the museum. Hal said he'd noticed them in the Gems and Minerals area while he was talking to Dr. Jaye. He noticed them later studying Nephmesu closely enough that guards had quietly made their way into the exhibit. Nothing happened, thankfully, but that was a little alarming to hear. I wonder now what they were after, or who they were.

Hal's looking forward to Star Wars and has already bought tickets. We'll go to a later show on Saturday, that way we can meet Max and her new boyfriend for dinner first. What'll be difficult is that it means we'll have a late night, and I still have to work in the morning. But I think for one night I can suck it up.

One more day and then my week is over. Of course, then I have to go shopping. I did get a hold of Batel, she loves the idea of an ugly tie and said she's going to try and find an ugly sweater to go with it. She mentioned that a cardigan might help show the tie off more and was hopeful she might find something. Either way it'll probably be more expensive than a tie, so I've offered to help pay for whatever she finds. If I can't find anything in the stores on Tuesday I'll have to search online.

December 10th, 2017

Three days in a row that it's been this busy. People really must be excited about the new exhibit. If this keeps up through next week though, I may have to suggest holding off on seeing the exhibit with Candace.

Otherwise there's not much to say. Good time to look over the calendar then. Oh yea, Dentist appointment on Tuesday. They'll probably be calling to confirm on Monday. I'll have to squeeze that in while I'm doing chores. Christmas and the Tubing party after that. Then New Years, which means January and Efe's birthday are right around the corner.

If I'm going to send him anything, I need to get something for him. Might have to do some shopping on my days off again. Wish I'd have thought about that last week, could have grabbed something while I was shopping with Candace. Need to think of something to get him. An ugly sweater is a classic, or a hat. I did the hat last year though. I'll think of something. Maybe a tie, I've never gotten him a tie before. Going to have to chat up Batel and see what she's getting him. Maybe we can get him a pair of ugly ties for Christmas. I'll send her an email real quick.

Monday tomorrow, and going in to the week. Hopefully things slow down at work and I can catch Hal at lunch again.