Since Mom will be escorting me around tomorrow, and we're not sure just how involved that might be. So she's been out all day taking care of things she needs to take care of. It did leave me to just sleep on the couch, and every once in a while I'd get up to take care of things, or change the channel on the TV, only to lay back down and fall asleep.
It was about a quarter to four that I woke up to a dizzy spell. This one was strange though, almost like when waking up in a falling dream. But different enough that I know it was an attack, though I'm not sure I can explain how. There's this lingering feeling I have during and after an attack that I felt right as I woke up. As far as an attack goes, besides waking me up, it's probably the easiest attack I've ever had. And if the medication did that for me, that'd be great! But I can't function being so tired all the time.
Having woke though, I found Dad sitting in his chair. He must've come home and make himself comfortable without waking me. But since I'd jolted away, he turned off the TV and joined me on the couch to comfort me. After a bit he asked how things were. I told him how tired I'd been and how I suspect it's the medication. He apologized and said he meant how were things going between Hal and I? I hesitantly answered, "good."
He engaged me on that, genuinely curious and just letting me know he wanted me to be happy. He finally admitted to me an awareness about how he'd alienated Batel. He still feels strongly about the things he believes, that sex is something that should be saved for marriage and family building. But after what happened between him and Batel, he feels like he pushed her away, that she moved to Arizona to get away from him. Since then he's learned that our happiness is more important to him than his "old beliefs."
In his spare time, he admitted that he'd been doing a lot of studying. Learning about human sexuality, feminist issues, all sorts of things. He understands now how important sex is to a lasting relationship, and that means finding someone I'd be compatible with. There are dangers, like STD's, and he believes those things reinforce his belief that sex should be maintained only between married couples. But he also admits that in knowing the dangers, we can use protection and being safe. As long as that's the case, he's understanding with finding sexual compatibility before marriage.
It was awkward, and embarrassing, not the least of which because I'm well beyond the age where "the talk" should have taken place. But it was also frank, and more importantly him growing into an acceptance that he didn't have with Batel. He stressed, more than his own feelings on the subject, that he wanted me to be safe, and then happy. Mostly he wanted me to know that he would always be here for me. That I didn't need his permission, but that I had his permission to be my own person.
And then he gave me one more hug, and the got up and headed into the kitchen to start making dinner since Mom would be home soon.
I love my father so much, and that means the world to me for him to have said all that. I'm not going to go flaunting my relationship in front of him. But I also know that I no longer have to be afraid of him finding out. Though considering what Mom found in the dryer the other day, and she still hasn't said one word to me about. I suspect she and he have had a long heart to heart.
I'm getting to this much earlier than I normally would. Mom just got home, and the smells coming out of the kitchen are making my stomach growl like Pavlov's dogs. It's been a while since the last time Dad cooked, and he always makes such good food. So I'm going to go eat, and maybe try and stay up as long as I can. But more likely I'll pass out on my empty plate.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll have good news.
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