October 7th, 2017

There are times where I have to wonder if fate has intended for things to turn out the way they have. Or if Fate had intended something different, and then something went wrong. Take tonight for instance.

Things went pretty much as they normally do, Max came over for lunch today, and we discussed Candace and Sam for a bit. Mostly Max was curious about Sam, but either way I couldn't answer because I hadn't seen them since we left after their feast. That didn't stop her from asking though, seven times. Max was excited at the idea of going as The Three Musketeers, though I'm pretty sure she's hoping Sam will come as our driver. She even suggested having him be the Count D'Winter.

Surprisingly, she didn't spend all lunch on him. She'd found a new conspiracy to bring to my attention. There was a news article in the Post about a young man walking out of Sand Creek Park into the East Park Lane neighborhood in Aurora. He seemed lost and confused, and when approached at first he tried to run. Authorities were called, and eventually he was found back in the park hugging a tree. They were able to calm him down and approach him, offering water, food, and a blanket. He wasn't unclothed, but he wasn't wearing much. He looked native, all the way down to his dress, and didn't speak a lick of English. Authorities have contacted local Native American groups hoping someone might be able to identify him, or communicate with him. Of course, if anyone knows anything they are encouraged to call in.

Max pointed out that it's almost the exact opposite of all the missing hikers. Which by now she's got quite the list of people going missing all across the west and now down into Mexico. She suspects that wherever these people are disappearing too, there must be people who live there as well. Those people, she suspects, must be going missing from their homes and are finding their way here.

As she was telling me this, I realized that I hadn't told her much about my conversations with Hal. But considering his thoughts on the Ohvao, I was thinking she might be right. She had even gotten a hold of the news about the bar fight that was down the street from where Hal and I first dined. With what all was going on I had forgotten to tell her about that. She reminded me that the guy who was accused of starting the fight was also dressed very oddly, though not like the young man in this new article. But he was also speaking a language that no one could identify or understand. She thinks he too might be from this other place.

She had so much to go over on this new conspiracy with me that we ran out of time and I had to get back to work.

Which is the other thing, my dinner with Hal that I just got back from. Chinese did hit the spot, but after the feast at Candace's, I haven't been all that hungry lately. I brought half my meal home with me. Even Max didn't seem to eat much more than me at lunch.

Anyway, I restarted the conversation by asking what he was going to do. The question he hadn't answered last week. He said he wasn't sure, but that he wasn't in the position to turn them down. He needed the money, and the stability was fantastic. They weren't even being all that present in his life, so it's not like he had to pack something else on top of his load at school and at the museum. They had talked with him that first trip they'd taken, and he'd met with... he accidentally let his tutors name slip, Tim. They'd met a couple of times since and that's how he'd gotten the information he had, but they hadn't really met up a lot. Hal was getting the idea that either Tim wasn't overly committed to being his tutor, or that they were very busy with something. He said Tim came across as arrogant, but he suspected that with everything going on they're probably busy as well.

So for now Hal is going to stick with them. They don't seem to be impeding his progress, in fact with some of the things the old man had mentioned, Hal figured they were actually going to fast track his plans. But they also offered the chance to learn things that the academic world knew nothing about, and he was excited to have that chance. Once he learned what he could, then he'd be in a position to decide what to do about it. He asked though if he could keep in touch with me. These dinners have been nice, but if he does move to New England or into Canada as had been mentioned, we wouldn't be able to keep having dinner together. So we agreed to set up some email accounts that didn't have anything identifying either of us on them, and then he could email me and we could chat that way any time.

He stressed that these things wouldn't be happening that soon. It was just that if something did come up, it'd be better if we were prepared. For my part, the whole suggestion felt covert, and I have to admit a certain excitement that comes with that. But with that excitement comes the worry of danger. Things wouldn't be covert if they weren't dangerous.

Things got quiet for a bit while we ate, and it gave me a chance to ask about the things Max had brought to my attention. Hal hadn't heard anything about it, and we ended up using his phone to look up the news article. Hal was amazed that Max had made that connection, and more than a little embarrassed that he hadn't also kept up with the news on the bar fight. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention and said he'd have to look into it. If people had always been able to unintentionally cross the Ohvau, and not always come back; it stood to reason that they might be able to meet up and create a population on the other side.

A few people missing here and there though doesn't seem like enough to create a lasting community. Just consider the history from a genetic standpoint, assuming people had been crossing since the Ohvau was raised. A few people here and there wouldn't provide enough genetic variation for a stable population. I do listen to the biologists when they talk, most of the scientists in fact. Hal agreed when I mentioned that, and we both wondered if maybe when the Ohvau was erected, populations of people had been trapped on the other side? It would offer a much better explanation.

We spent some time speculating on possibilities, which was a fun. He and I actually got along really well once we were able to just be ourselves. So far it'd just been him being the new recruit into some secret society, and I being the sympathetic ear for him to chew on. That reminds me of The Departed, Leonardo's character and the shrink he goes to see, played by Vera Farmiga. And again I am reminded of both the excitement and danger of our covert plans.

Anyway, the reason I felt that maybe Fate had had other plans, was that Max had found those news articles and made the connections. It shouldn't have been me sitting there talking to Hal, it should have been her. She'd have loved this! And now I'm stuck with it, and I can't discuss it with her.

So anyway, that was my night. It's been a month and a half since my black out, and that feeling I've had is still there. By now though I've become accustomed to it. On these nights though when Hal and I can talk, I'm reminded of that feeling and it's just as strong as it ever was. I tell myself I'm humoring him, that I'm providing an anchor to reality for him or something, but really I join him because he makes me feel that that sense is justified. It makes me feel like there's something more going on than just my little death.

And that is why I like Legion so much, right there. What if that feeling isn't the world changing? What if that feeling is me losing my own grasp on reality? Conspiracy theories, another world separated by a magical veil, real magic? And then there were the giants and the illusions that we'd discussed last week. What am I getting myself into here? How much of it is real? Am I already hallucinating? I like Legion because I identify with David.

With all her problems, Candace seems completely normal in comparison. Maybe I need to spend more time with her. I'll set up the email address so that I can continue to act as an anchor for Hal, and we can go to dinner every once in a while. It's actually kind of enjoyable. But I need something real to keep me grounded too. Candace can be that for me, working with her on her garden and cooking a feast, that was real.

Monday and Tuesdays are generally pretty slow at work. I still get off at the same time, but with it not being as busy I won't be as tired. I'll have to plan to drop in on Candace one of those days.

October 6th, 2017

Nothing like a busy day to welcome one back to work. It made the day go by really fast though. It is also the first day down of my seven day week. It'll be worth it, but that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the work week.

Hal did join me for lunch today to confirm our dinner plans tomorrow night. I've been craving Chinese, and Hal said that sounded good. I guess I'll find out where the conversation goes tomorrow.

I've been wondering about Max and Candace all day today. I want to talk with Candace and find out her thoughts on Max and Halloween and everything. I just won't see her again until next Friday when Max and I are going to show her The Three Musketeers. Maybe I'll have time to chat with her before Max gets there. I'm just worried that might not give me the time to dismantle plans should I need to.

Maybe I should stop in to Candace's sometime during the week?

October 5th, 2017

Oh man, I am so stuffed. Sam and Candace really know how to throw together a small feast. There were snacking plates of dried fruits and nuts, crackers and cheeses. They were considerate of my inability to drink actual wine, so they had sparkling fruit juices and other drinks. Sam made that scallop and white sauce with cheese dish again which was so good. Candace made salad that had bitter leaf lettuce, sweet citrus fruits, and a creamy dressing that married it all together so fantastically.

When Sam had picked me up, I offered to grab something if he was willing to stop at the store. He said no, the celebration is to spend all day cooking, and then feasting at the end. So they had me helping in the kitchen, lots of chopping things and cleaning dishes as we went. I didn't mind at all, it was a lot of fun and we talked and had a great time. In the back yard, Sam also had a grill going that he kept at low temperature and smoked a chicken and some pork ribs along with corn on the cob. The chicken and ribs had been rubbed down with their own spices the night before, and then we had a couple of dipping sauces that Sam whipped together. While he was out doing that, I was helping Candace to made a couple of loaves of bread. When the bread went in, Candace also put in four large potatoes to cook with them. Then on the stove we had rice pilaf, and artichokes. And while all that was cooking, we were stuffing mushrooms which went in right after the bread came out.

Max had joined us in time to help make cupcakes and frosting for dessert. The cupcakes went in about an hour after we'd started eating, that way they came out and cooled down just enough to eat warm, the frosting melting over them like a glaze. Just a fantastic meal.

I should note that just before Sam picked me up, I had a dizzy spell. Back to the third day after the last one, and oddly enough both happened about the same time of day. Checking the last one I had, it was 11:26, this one was 11:41. Not that it's exactly regular, but I think that's the closest to regular I've ever had. It's weird though, if I'm not having them around noontime, I'm having them just as I'm getting to sleep, or before I'd wake up. Not sure what to make of it, or if I even should.

I avoided the subject of Max until I got to Candace's, and then while Sam was outside I confirmed with her that it was okay for Max to join us. Candace thought it was a great idea, she was always willing to make more friends. She said Sam had advised against having Max over until he could get to know her better, but he left the decision up to her. Both of us think his behavior has been really odd. Like, overprotective or something. Which is just strange considering he'd come to me so readily. He didn't know me that well and he was already inviting me over. Of course, he was inviting me over to calm Candace down. I didn't mention that part to her.

It makes me wonder if he'd ever have invited me in if I hadn't had such an effect on Candace. I asked how he was when I wasn't around, and she said he was fine. He was attentive enough when she'd ask him for things, but she didn't always know what to ask for and he didn't seem to think of those things on his own. He did stop bringing his parents by, though Candace wondered why he'd ever brought them by in the first place. She suspected it was mostly them pressuring him to do so. They used their time here to look down at her and proselytize. If they couldn't make her their perfect daughter in law, they'd drive her away so they could claim the house for themselves. She hadn't ever visited their place, but from Sam's description this house would be a step up for them. It'd be a step up for my parents and I too. I asked if she knew why they had stopped coming, if they were determined to push her out? Candace said the last time they'd come, she met them at the door with her cat. He didn't take too kindly to them at all.

As soon as she brought the cat up, she said "That reminds me." She then walked over to the table and pulled out his favorite chair which he was curled up on. I half expected him to grab for her like he had me, but no, he just looked up after the table was cleared. Then Candace told him they were expecting my friend Max, and he was to remain on his best behavior. If he couldn't do that he needed to stay in the bedroom or go outside till the morning.

He didn't react any more than any other cat, just curled back up into a ball, and Candace pushed the chair back under the table. I didn't see him the rest of the night. It was the weirdest thing. I could almost feel him watching me all night though. When Max went to pull his chair out I about had a heart attack, but he wasn't to be found.

So while we ate Candace showed Max the same regal treatment she had shown the people at the memorial service. Max ate it up, but I was starting to wonder if Candace was putting Max at arms length since I had seen her do it before. Sam was nice enough when he was included, but he kept his mouth shut the whole night otherwise. It actually made me think of how I was acting at the memorial, just quiet and observant. Even his presence was gone. After dinner, Sam cleaned up while we continued to talk, then he served the cupcakes and refreshed everyone's drink. Once our dessert was finished he set about cleaning everything up and insisted that we enjoy our company.

I guess Max was feeling pretty good about everything. She brought up Halloween before dessert was even served. Candace had a lot of questions and said it sounded like a lot of fun. She didn't recognize the story, nor did she remember ever seeing any of the movies, so she wasn't sure what exactly we were planning on doing. Of course, once Max and I heard that we were both insisting on a movie night so she could see the movie at least. That was agreed upon, and since Max and I have plans for next week, we'll watch the movie on Friday night. But Max and I will have to leave early so we can get to the tournament the next day.

Which had lead us into a whole other conversation about the Roller Derby. I had tried to explain it when last I'd talked to Candace about it. But since I was going to be recording the tourney for her I didn't spend a lot of effort on my explanation. Max though, Max like to explain Roller Derby, and she did so in her very animated fashion.

Unfortunately with me having work tomorrow, and Max having school, we both had to go. Max was good enough not to drink, and she took me home. I did make sure to apologize to Sam for not helping with the cleaning, but he said it was fine, he was happy to do it. It did mean though that I didn't get a chance to ask what Candace, and I guess Sam too, thought about Max. They seemed to hit it off well enough, but like I said, Candace was giving Max the regal treatment. So I know Max enjoyed herself, and she said so many times on the way home. But Candace never did commit to joining us for our costume. So I don't know.

And as quiet as Sam was, Max was totally taken with him. She thought he was the hottest thing this side of the sun, and if nothing else she wanted to spend more time with Candace if it meant she got to spend more time around him. I don't know, I've just always associated him with Candace. The first time I'd seen him, he was picking her up off the floor. And with as overprotective as he is of her, I don't think Max'd ever have a chance.

Anyway, I'm home now, tired, stuffed, and content. I have work in the morning though, so I should really get to bed.

October 4th, 2017

Chore day today. I got laundry done, had to stop by the pharmacy to refill my prescription, and paid bills. It was nice getting out today. With the changing climate it's taking longer and longer to cool off. The trees have been changing color, but things haven't been getting cooler. Today it started to feel that way. It's getting me excited for Halloween!

When I got home I caught up with Legion. They are finally gathering together the whole of what's going on in a cohesive story, and I'm very happy with that. I was holding out on accepting everything up till now, and they have been driving towards this so it's not a surprise by any means. It just goes to show how well they've handled presenting what all is going on, such that I could not commit until now. And having provided that answer definitely gives me the satisfaction I would be frustrated without. Kudos to the producers and writers for being able to hold that off and keep my attention for so long. Granted it's been, what? Less than ten episodes, so it's not like they held off that long. But they did it well before my frustration would begin, and that's something.

Actually, I had been thinking while I watched about what attracts me to the show so much. I think it's playing with perception and sanity has a lot to do with why I like it. I realized that it really resonated with my fears of hallucinating and what it might mean for my future. I know I should talk to someone, that I should work to actively confirm what I'm seeing. But I'm afraid that even doing that might get me labeled insane even if they confirm what I'm seeing. The enticing part of the show is that seeing things might be my superpower, like I'm a mutant. It's not that I'm hallucinating, but that I can see things other's can't.

It's a nice thought at least.

October 3rd, 2017

I'm glad I remembered that information packet they had handed out concerning Nephmesu coming to the museum. I brought it with me and studied it on the ride to work, and had it to reference while I was posted at the entrance to the Egypt display. I was actually asked a lot of questions that the packet has information for, it was well thought out. I did get some questions I couldn't answer, and along with that were some visitors who weren't happy that I couldn't spin the universe around them. But for the most part it was a lot of fun being there to answer questions and interact with our visitors. A display had been put up showing the proposed remodel, and had bullet points that of course no one read. Still, it was handy for me to reference. I just hid my information packet behind the display and referenced it when the supervisor wasn't around to catch me.

All in all, the day went far better than I thought it would.

October 2nd, 2017

Today was weird. It was busy for a Monday, but it was like everyone was coming to eat at the cafe rather than visit the rest of the museum. We weren't made aware of any event going on, and noone mentioned anything, so I don't think anything was amiss. It was just out of the ordinary. Maybe the guests had all made their own plans and didn't involve us. We had the room, so it worked out. But I think without the advanced warning the cafe staff wasn't prepared. I know I had a hard time finding things to eat by the time I took my own lunch.

On another note, the frustrating unpredictability that is my dizzy spells. I cursed myself yesterday 'cause sure enough I had one today. I had just gotten back from break too, if I'da had it on break it'd have been fine. No, I was stepping between registers to check on something and lost my balance in the process. Fell flat on my face. Fortunately I didn't bust anything this time, well, except my pride. I played it off as though I had simply tripped, but Amy must have seen it all 'cause she knew. At least I wasn't carrying anything, it'd have gone everywhere.

Oh well, not much else to say about today, though tomorrow I've been voluntold to play security guard at the entrance to the Egypt display. Get to turn everyone away, yay! Tomorrow's going to suck.

October 1st, 2017

I just realized I haven't had a dizzy spell since last Sunday night. I wonder if things are going to get back to their usual schedule. Not that it was predictable, I just averaged about one every other week. Another week to go before I get back to that average. Of course with my luck at predicting these things I'll have one tomorrow.

I texted Sam today asking if he'd talk to Candace about having Max over for dinner when I visit on Thursday. Boy did he freak out. He wanted to know everything, not just who Max was and why I wanted her to join us. He wanted to know everything about her. I tried telling him if he wanted to get to know her that well he could ask her while we were having dinner. Sam did not take that well at all. I told him that this was the friend I had told Candace about, and that since we were visiting her place I felt it was Candace's right to decide whether or not Max could join us. I've mentioned her name at dinner many times, he's been there every time. Where does he get off saying who can or can not visit Candace? Not that he did, but it was as if he was looking for an excuse to say no.

I finally told him that if he didn't ask Candace, I would hop on a bus and go ask her myself. He relented and said he'd ask. Then he got back to me a couple of hours later saying Candace would be pleased to have her and that he'd make plans for dinner. He mentioned the full moon and said he'd be preparing a feast anyway.

What in the hell is wrong with that guy?