March 3rd, 2018

Just got back from the conspiracy dinner with the others. I had forgotten to text everyone for confirmation yesterday, but it's become the pattern now. Hal picked me up from work, and on the way to his place we grabbed some frozen enchiladas for dinner. Max wanted quesadillas, so she grabbed cheese and flour tortillas. They were fun to make, though we were melting the cheese in the microwave rather than grilling it on the stove. Still, it was fun and easy, and pretty tasty.

We spent a good deal of time talking about The Stag and his new rival. There hasn't been anything on the news since he was dragged away, and we're all worried what that might mean. In general I think we are in agreement that he wasn't the hero he probably thought he was, but we certainly don't wish him to come to harm. But we also speculated on who this opponent was and what he might have wanted with The Stag.

Max has been finding a lot of interesting things posted with #fairysign. Given her enjoyment of debunking videos, she's turned that talent toward debunking the #fairysign stuff. Lots of pictures of natural phenomena, interesting phenomena, but natural. Also lots doctored photos, some of which look really good, others that look really bad. Even with all that however, there's still plenty of images that aren't so easily debunked or explained. And while we keep a skeptical mind on those things we can't explain, we're also all excited to think there are fairies behind the images.

On the other hand, Max has also been keeping track of reported disappearances. Of course we can't confirm that any or all are people managing to cross the ohveo. If we knew where the people were, they wouldn't be missing. But, Max tries to look for those commonalities that we've already identified. Mostly lone or paired individuals, out in nature, and especially if one disappears away from a group. There have been exceptions, the big one being Albany, Wyoming. And we suspect that disappearances have been starting to happen in more urban areas as well. But as with everything, we can't confirm for sure.

All that said, given those filters, Max has now collected reports from all forty eight contiguous states and Alaska. And missing persons statistics are currently far above average.

Hal's been keeping up with the stories of people showing up who have no legal identity. Such stories are not as common, but they're becoming more common as the months wear on. There've even been some news stories about it. We don't have such stories in all the states like we do the disappearances, but they seem to be following a similar expanding area. Texas, California, Kansas, Mississippi, Ohio, Montana, all have reports of such people being found.

Sam apologized again, referencing his commission, but he did say he was trying to keep up with the statistics involving the wildlife. Those reports are much slower to show up and don't catch the media's attention as readily.

I on the other hand tried to look up more on Melia Floros only to find that her site hasn't been updated in the last week or so. The last interviews she had were with college students, and even those were at campus's we believe she visited before even getting to Hal's campus. So I didn't have anything to report there.

What I didn't report was that this morning at the gym, I saw another couple of fairies. They were flying around in the weight room, almost like they were trying to find a way out. These two were both girls, one was even properly dressed. She looked more like she belonged in a renaissance festival though. The other seemed to have wrapped one of the locker room towels around her. I just didn't feel that I needed to report a hallucination at the conspiracy dinner.

Being aware of all this stuff is interesting. I just don't like the idea that we can't prove any of it. We're running largely on speculation, even if we have good reason to think these things are true. Being unable to prove it though mostly just means we can't tell anyone else about it.

There is one other thing that I want to mention though. After the missing tool yesterday, I thought that was a one off. But I got to talking to some of the girls today, and it seems it's not the only item that's gone missing recently. It's just the most expensive. I'm not sure that this has anything to do with the fairies. Not my hallucinations, but the ones we talk about at dinner. So I wouldn't have brought it up, though I didn't think about it during our dinner. I don't know, just weird.

March 2nd, 2018

As the dwarves would sing, Hi Ho Hi Ho, it's back to work I go. Actually, it was nice getting back to work. And my lethargy must have been because of the prescription, I was feeling so much better today getting back on to my old meds. I was still tired, and it manifested mostly as being slow today, but otherwise I was good. And feeling that slowness, I took it easy even at the gym. Hal said it looked like I was doing better though, and that was good to hear. I hadn't thought it'd slowed me down that much before.

Everyone at work was eager to know how I was doing and offering well wishes. It was nice to feel so much support. I wasn't the only one having a rough day, Hal's former.... not boss, and I don't want to say master, but the guy he was working under for his apprenticeship... he must have misplaced one of his tools, and a rather expensive one at that. He had everyone looking for it, and insisted all day long he had put it away where it belongs. I felt so bad for him. I hope he did just misplace it, and I hope he finds it.

After work Hal picked me up and we went back to his place where I tried to help him with his homework. We also talked about why he hadn't been able to make lunch yesterday. Tim had asked Hal to meet him at a nearby restaurant for lunch. There Tim introduced him to a lady named Brigida, saying she was also a member of The Order. Then Tim left and allowed Brigida to talk with Hal. It sounds like Brigida has a higher rank in The Order than Tim, not that there's any sort of structure. But she definitely has more pull because it sounds like she just up and told Tim she'd be doing this. We're both wondering what that means concerning the old man, though Hal hasn't seen him since he was left to Tim's training.

Anyway, Tim's training is why Brigida stepped in. It sounds like she's not happy with the direction Tim has been taking and she's going to change that. One of the first things she clarified was that they weren't The Illuminati, that she knows Tim likes to keep referring to their organization that way, but they're not. It sounds like he's got some romantic notions, and the old man is happy to indulge him, but it annoys Brigida. Since Tim has started training Hal in surveillance techniques and more cloak and dagger operations, rather than focusing on his education, this is what Brigida is going to correct. Hal's focus will return to education, and while he won't be reporting to Tim, he still answers to Tim should Tim call. Brigida will also start teaching Hal about The Order's resources and goals.

It sounds like The Order has contacts and resources, which are valuable, but it's not a very large organization. So their ability to play cloak and dagger games are limited. Brigida thinks this is why Tim was trying to train Hal in said manor, so that he could have someone working in that capacity. But it's not what they do, at least not a large part of what they do. The main thing, Brigida stressed, is that they pay attention to what's going on in their circles, not to learn how to infiltrate any circle they wished.

But they need to be able to move things around, should they find an artifact or item that needs to be kept safe. To that end, Brigida introduced Hal to a smuggler that she often works with and taught Hal how to contact the guy if needed. Mostly a matter of how to talk about what he's hiring the guy to do without letting on that he's hiring the guy.

Their time was short though, just Hal's lunch. And so once Hal was introduced to Hank, I think that was his name, Brigida said she'd be in touch and thanked Hal for his time. She and Hank left, and Hal had to get back to class.

Hal's not feeling as excited about this organization now. It seems like their structure is much more loose than he thought it might be. If one member can completely make up what they think the organization is and be allowed to continue, maybe they don't have as tight a grip on what's going on. The advantage though is that Hal will continue to receive a paycheck, and he'll have more free reign to pursue the path in life he had set out to. He just has to pay attention. So not as excited, but less stressed about it too. I have to admit, that makes me happier.

I got to thinking while we were there about how I'd been so tired this last week, and how it made me miss some opportunities to spend time with him. Not the least of which, I'm still sitting on the Valentines present I'd bought for him.

Just looking at our typical weeks, I don't know that I'll have time to really take advantage of that. Our schedules are opposite enough that we don't ever have a full day together. And we've gone out on dates just the two of us, but they're always following my shift at work and I'm still wearing my work clothes. They're nice and all for a date, but I don't generally have the time to dress up. And no, I'm not wearing that to work in preparation.

If hadn't been so tired, we probably could have had an evening together where I could have prepared before hand. And I could do something like that on Wednesdays, but he'd be getting out of class and wouldn't have a fair chance to prepare himself.

I apologized for that, thinking it'd lead into a discussion about when we could get together some time. He said it was okay, that my health is more important and that he's glad I'm feeling better now. Besides, he pointed out, we did have one nice evening together last Wednesday. That was before my operation though. I'd been running around getting chores done, and I wasn't thinking about preparing for an evening with Hal any more than making sure I wasn't dressed like a hobo.

So I didn't get to measure his thoughts on such an evening. I don't know, he's easy going enough, I could just surprise him one Wednesday evening. But I've been thinking of wearing just a nice dress with a skirt that doesn't quite reach my knees, and I'd want warmer weather for that. Spring is right around the corner, I don't suppose a little patience would be a bad thing.

Alright, I need to get to bed.

March 1st, 2018

I'm a little worried about Hal. He sent me a text before lunch saying that someone from his organization was requesting to meet with him. Since he's got lab tonight, the only chance available was his lunch. He grabbed us both for the gym as usual, and hadn't mentioned it then. So they must've contacted him after he'd already gone to class.

Candace had been worried about if Jane showed up while Hal was here, even though she had asked Jane to come in the afternoon. So that worked out. In fact, once we knew Hal wasn't going to make it for lunch, Candace suggesting calling Jane up and maybe meeting her somewhere for lunch before coming back to the house. It was a great idea, and Jane happily agreed once we got a hold of her.

Lunch was nice, we met at a sandwich shop that was near a couple of bus stops accessible by our two routes. It took a little planning to find such a suitable place, and the food was rewarding. We sat and chatted, though I think I committed a faux pas. Remembering the group that Jane had invited Candace to join, I asked her about it. Jane coolly told me that it wasn't a group for me, that she wouldn't be discussing it with me. She wasn't mean, I don't think she's got a mean bone in her body, but she was firm. I apologized, I just didn't think it was that big a deal. Though I asked Candace about it later in the day, Candace asked if I discussed my tumor with everyone. Granted, I'm more open about it than she is with her amnesia, but I got the point.

Otherwise the day went well, after lunch we made our way back to Candace's. The stuff her in-laws had left behind were almost worthless. Candace of course had claimed most of the kitchen utensils, plates, pots, pans, things of that nature that were of practical need. But the extra stuff she had included as what they could take if they wanted. They didn't, but Jane had need, so she happily grabbed them up.

There really wasn't much else, but no one wanted it, so Jane suggested taking it with her anyway and donating it through the church. With everything boxed up for her though, she'd end up needing a ride back with Sam. So I started texting him just to find out if he'd be able to grab her tonight, or if he'd be willing to deliver the stuff another day. Sam said he was happy to give her a ride home tonight. If he wouldn't have been, she'd have had to leave to catch the last bus. This way she knew she could stay. So we started planning dinner for when Sam would get there.

Actually, we saw Candace's cat today. Which surprised the heck out of me, I had almost forgotten he even existed. Even Candace was surprised to see him, he's so rarely out in the open whenever there's company. Even more surprising, he rubbed up against my leg as he passed by, and then Jane's leg as well. Then he sat down by his food bowl until Candace fed him, which she did with a rub of his head. He ate, and then left. I almost jumped when he rubbed my leg, I wasn't sure what to expect and had vivid memories of him clawing at me when I'd disturbed his resting place. Hopefully this means he's accepted me though, maybe I'll see him more often. He is a beautiful cat.

Anyway, Sam came by later than he usually does. He apologized saying he'd been working hard that day and had to stop and shower before coming over. He had more pictures of what he's been working on though, and was proudly showing them off. I still can't make heads or tails of it, and he's keeping us in the dark to his own amusement.

Jane said she's gotten a job, she's taken on cleaning houses for some of the church members. They pay her under the table, which makes me suspicious, but she's got an income now and hopefully she can start getting her feet under her.

Candace was curious how I was doing, considering how tired I'd been. I was happy to report that I was feeling much better today and was ready to go back to work tomorrow.

We chatted and had a good night, but as always it had to come to an end. Since we had all of the stuff Jane was collecting, Sam stopped by her place first so I could give a hand bringing boxes in. I hadn't seen it before, and it's nice. Cozy like my parents home, but for just her its a lot of space. Makes me wonder how she landed it in the first place.

It also meant I got home later than I usually do. Hal finally texted saying things were good, and he'd talk to me about it tomorrow. I go back to work tomorrow. It's nice that this last week is finally over, and as nice as it was to not have to do anything, being tired all the time left me feeling useless. I'll be happy to have responsibilities again.

February 28th, 2018

I feel like a weight has been lifted. Dr. Laurie agreed with me that my lethargy is probably a side effect of the medication. And while he did want to give it some more time, hoping I might get used to the new meds and eventually overcome the lethargy, he accepted that I didn't have the time to try that. My leave was only for a week, and while a medical excuse could extend that, I'm still not earning a paycheck. I may not have the bills that other people have, but I do still have bills. So I'm going back onto the other meds. He wrote a new prescription for me, that I turned into the pharmacy on the way home. I should be able to pick up the meds tomorrow. In the meantime, I still have the remaining pills from my old prescription.

Dr. Laurie wasn't happy that I hadn't taken my dose this morning, but it works out. He'd want me to go a day in between so as not mix the meds in my system. And I can already feel the difference. I've been tired today, but not like I have been all last week.

The word on the scans I took after the operation are promising, and it does look like the bulge was already responding. But they had me take new scans today so they could see what more time will have done for me. And again, I probably won't hear back on these scans for another week or so. Dr. Laurie also let me know they were wanting to study the scans longer just to see what else they might find. He'll call me with the findings and schedule any appointments that need to be made then.

The appointment didn't last as long as it might have, though the new scans did take a good deal of the day. So afterward, Mom took me out for lunch and gave us a chance to talk. She's been drawing again in her free time, which I guess is a product of me being out so much more lately. And yesterday while she was out, one of her stops was by the local library where she's going to work with other non-white Americans to create a mural on one of their walls. She's very excited about it, and I'm thrilled for her. She used to produce some of the most beautiful drawings, but taking care of me since I was diagnosed didn't leave her with a lot of time. I only vaguely remember her drawing, though we have her art hanging all around the house.

We got home to find Dad and Hal talking in front of the TV. Discussing the Olympics of all things. Dad apologized that he didn't have dinner ready for us, and he and Mom went in to the kitchen leaving Hal and I to ourselves. I told Hal about Mom's new project, only to then have to explain that the pictures we had around the house were all her drawings. He thought they were just black and white photos.

I made sure to call Candace up, Mom had mentioned she'd called after me yesterday, and let her know things were good. We'll get together tomorrow depending on how I'm feeling and hopefully I can get back to a regular schedule.

Hal joined us for dinner, and I think this is the first time he's been able to try Dad's cooking. Though it was a combined effort between my parents, so even better. All in all just a good night, even Dad was acting more comfortable around Hal than he had before.

It almost feels like I slept the last week away, and that kinda sucks. But after today, I'm feeling like I can get my life back on track. Hal will pick Candace and I up to go to the gym, which I missed this morning because of the appointment. I'll need to run chores, pick up my new old prescription, and I want to stop by the museum to check in with them. Then it'll be back to Candace's. She mentioned that her in-laws finally got the last of the stuff that they wanted. So she had invited Jane over to see if she might want anything that was left. And of course, I could grab anything if I wanted.

I just hope I am feeling better tomorrow. I hate to find out the lethargy has been for something other than the medication.

February 27th, 2018

My return visit is tomorrow. And I really need to talk to Dr. Laurie about my medication and how tired I've been feeling. Even today, woke up feeling better. Hal stopped by and we went to the gym. But after he brought me home, I laid down on the couch and passed out immediately.

Since Mom will be escorting me around tomorrow, and we're not sure just how involved that might be. So she's been out all day taking care of things she needs to take care of. It did leave me to just sleep on the couch, and every once in a while I'd get up to take care of things, or change the channel on the TV, only to lay back down and fall asleep.

It was about a quarter to four that I woke up to a dizzy spell. This one was strange though, almost like when waking up in a falling dream. But different enough that I know it was an attack, though I'm not sure I can explain how. There's this lingering feeling I have during and after an attack that I felt right as I woke up. As far as an attack goes, besides waking me up, it's probably the easiest attack I've ever had. And if the medication did that for me, that'd be great! But I can't function being so tired all the time.

Having woke though, I found Dad sitting in his chair. He must've come home and make himself comfortable without waking me. But since I'd jolted away, he turned off the TV and joined me on the couch to comfort me. After a bit he asked how things were. I told him how tired I'd been and how I suspect it's the medication. He apologized and said he meant how were things going between Hal and I? I hesitantly answered, "good."

He engaged me on that, genuinely curious and just letting me know he wanted me to be happy. He finally admitted to me an awareness about how he'd alienated Batel. He still feels strongly about the things he believes, that sex is something that should be saved for marriage and family building. But after what happened between him and Batel, he feels like he pushed her away, that she moved to Arizona to get away from him. Since then he's learned that our happiness is more important to him than his "old beliefs."

In his spare time, he admitted that he'd been doing a lot of studying. Learning about human sexuality, feminist issues, all sorts of things. He understands now how important sex is to a lasting relationship, and that means finding someone I'd be compatible with. There are dangers, like STD's, and he believes those things reinforce his belief that sex should be maintained only between married couples. But he also admits that in knowing the dangers, we can use protection and being safe. As long as that's the case, he's understanding with finding sexual compatibility before marriage.

It was awkward, and embarrassing, not the least of which because I'm well beyond the age where "the talk" should have taken place. But it was also frank, and more importantly him growing into an acceptance that he didn't have with Batel. He stressed, more than his own feelings on the subject, that he wanted me to be safe, and then happy. Mostly he wanted me to know that he would always be here for me. That I didn't need his permission, but that I had his permission to be my own person.

And then he gave me one more hug, and the got up and headed into the kitchen to start making dinner since Mom would be home soon.

I love my father so much, and that means the world to me for him to have said all that. I'm not going to go flaunting my relationship in front of him. But I also know that I no longer have to be afraid of him finding out. Though considering what Mom found in the dryer the other day, and she still hasn't said one word to me about. I suspect she and he have had a long heart to heart.

I'm getting to this much earlier than I normally would. Mom just got home, and the smells coming out of the kitchen are making my stomach growl like Pavlov's dogs. It's been a while since the last time Dad cooked, and he always makes such good food. So I'm going to go eat, and maybe try and stay up as long as I can. But more likely I'll pass out on my empty plate.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have good news.

February 26th, 2018

This lethargy is starting to get to me. This morning Hal picked me up, and I was feeling good. I figured the workout would help me wake up. And for a bit it seemed to. Hal suggested that since I've got a return appointment on Wednesday, and since he's got lab tomorrow, today would be the best chance I've got to sit in on a class. And since I was feeling up to it, I agreed.

I sat through one class, and it was interesting and fun. Hal's professor really knows how to engage the class and make his lecture stimulating. Even so, by the end of class I was ready to lay down. Hal had to get to his next class, so he didn't have time to take me home. We went back to his place so he could get his stuff anyway, and I crawled into his bed while he went to class.

He woke me up later, bringing lunch. It honestly felt like I'd just laid my head down, but two hours had passed. He offered to take me home then since he had the time. I apologized that I was being such a downer, but he assured me it was alright. So he brought me home and I've spent the rest of the day on the couch drifting in and out of sleep and not getting anything watched. The last time I'd woke up, Dad was home and had already changed the channel to news.

I had a bit to eat at dinner, but not as much as I normally do. I just wasn't all that hungry.

I'm starting to wonder if this is a side effect of the medication Dr. Laurie wanted me to try out. It's been a few days since the operation, which wasn't all that invasive. I'm not sore anymore, so I can't imagine that I'm still recovering from that. We'll see how tomorrow goes, and if I'm still feeling like this, I'm going to ask Dr. Laurie to put me back on my old meds.

February 25th, 2018

Physically I feel fine. I'm not sure like I was, nothing hurts, I moved about easily and well. Even this morning, Hal took me to the gym and I didn't have any problems. I did take it easy, like I had yesterday with Max, but I feel like I could've done my usual workout.

But mentally I feel like I pushed a little too hard yesterday. And maybe that's just an excuse, I don't know. I've felt tired all day. And having seen so many fairies yesterday, so many hallucinations, I feel like it wore me out. Hal asked if I wanted to go over to his place and help with his homework like I often do. I asked if he could just take me home so I could rest and sleep. I hope he didn't take it the wrong way, and he was kind enough to do as I asked.

And that's mostly what I've done the rest of the day. I laid down on the couch for a while. Candace showed up, she took the bus to get here on her own. And she tried looking after me, but I just asked to be allowed to rest. So she told me to holler for her if I needed anything, and then she proceeded to help mom around the house.

I listened to them and watched some TV. I actually caught a bit of the news, it seems the traffic copter that had been recording the fight last night was able to record that the opponent had dragged The Stag away. He dragged The Stag under a bough of trees, which prevented the 'copter from being able to see them, and never emerged. Once the police arrived, they directed the police to check under those trees, but the police couldn't find anything. So we're still not sure where they went, or what's happened. But we do know that The Stag was taken by his opponent.

I texted Hal and Max what I'd learned so they would know. But by that point I was feeling pretty tired, so I went into my bedroom and took a nap. I don't know how long I was out, but I woke to find Candace had joined me. Me moving about woke her, and she apologized saying she hoped I didn't mind. I think if I was in my right mind I might have found it weird, but at the time I found it nice, sweet even. She was concerned about me and just wanted to make sure she was there if I needed.

It was a nice nap though, and I woke feeling much better, even a little energized. So I got around and we helped Mom with dinner. Sam showed up just before Dad got home and took Candace home. They both apologized that they couldn't stay and appreciated us inviting them, but they had things to do tonight.

So it was just me and the parents tonight. Which was nice and comforting.

I'm heading to bed early though, whatever good the nap did for me, it didn't last. Hopefully I get some good rest tonight. Hal texted, asking about about me joining him for class. I told him we'll have to wait and see how I feel tomorrow.