April 3rd, 2018

My arms feel like noodles, noodles made of jello. Sam had mentioned yesterday that he'd wanted my help with something today. What he wanted was to get me familiar with working with him at the forge. Not just the modern tools, he had be pumping bellows all day.

Well, okay, not all day. Shortly before lunch somebody came driving up to the garage as we were working. It surprised me, I didn't think people would just drive up here, and so I hesitated and Sam gave me a disappointing look until he realized my attention was elsewhere. To my relief we could walk away from what we were doing and come back to it later.

The guy that had drove up was one of Sam's regular clients, Mark something or other. He seemed nice enough, though he couldn't stop looking at me and held on to my hand uncomfortably long when we shook. Sam had to ask him twice what he needed before Mark finally let go of me.

Mark said one of his horses had thrown a shoe and was hoping Sam would be able to get out to his place sometime soon to help take care of that. He also asked about when Sam would be able to get to his commission. Sam told me later that Mark wants him to create a piece to hang on his barn. Even though Sam has been up front about how much time his current piece would take, Mark keeps trying to get him to drop it and start on his commission. From the sound of things Mark can be insistent, on the verge of not taking no for an answer, but he pays well so Sam puts up with how rude he could be. He's also a notorious womanizer, Sam had discovered just this last year.

Anyway, Sam gave in a bit to Mark's pushiness and so tomorrow we'll head out to reshoe the horse since we'll be out shopping anyway. And while we're there he can take measurements and details for Marks commission. Sam did make sure to remind Mark three times that we still had a lot of work left to do on his current piece and wouldn't be able to start another for some time yet. Despite Mark's "oh yea, of course, of course," I still don't think he heard.

Since this had stopped us and it was so close to lunch, Sam and I took a break after Mark left to eat. That was when we discussed Mark, but Sam also took the chance to tell me about some of the book keeping chores he'd need me to do as a more regular duty. It struck me today who I was sitting eating lunch with. Generally at the museum I was eating alone, except on the days that Hal or Max visited. I don't think I've spent this much time around Sam before, and it reminded me of some of the issues I've had with him and how he treats Candace. I know he means well, and he seems genuinely concerned and a nice guy. I'm just not sure why he does some of the things he does.

He loves to talk about his work, and I kinda get the feeling that he doesn't have anyone to talk about these things with. He's passionate about his work, and it shows. I know when we're all together he doesn't say much at all, and it gives him this quiet private person type vibe. But out at the forge, sitting there eating lunch with him, he could just go on and on. And it's contagious, he makes me excited to see the finished product as well. We lost track of time while we were eating, but since we don't clock in or out Sam wasn't bothered by it. Which is good since he's the boss.

Anyway, he showed me the books and Marks account since we had just talked with him. There was nothing to do with them now, but at least this way I'm familiar with where things are. And it gave my arms a chance to rest before heading back to the bellows. At least I wasn't swinging the hammer, it's no wonder Sam's arms are as big as they are.

We ran a little late finishing up. Sam apologized but said sometimes that happens and hoped I was okay with it. I reminded him that my only other responsibility was to be there for Candace, and that was a responsibility given to me by him. But I did mention that should anything else come up I'd be sure to let him know. And then I remembered that my brother was planning on being in town in a couple of weeks and that I'll be wanting to be able to spend some time with him. Sam was cool with that, and if he's always this easy going I think I'll like working for him.

Anyway, I'm home now and writing down thoughts for Efe's letter. Just getting out what to say and how to say it, not even an official draft. I know I'll have to tell him my new address, and that means explaining why. I'm just not sure how much detail I need to go into. And of course there's Hal and I, which again I'm not sure how to summarize. The problem with both of those things is that I can't seem to say anything without there being a conspicuous omission. But I can't not say anything about em, otherwise he'll come home wanting to know what's wrong. I don't want to not send anything, and I don't want to just say "see ya when you get here." I want to tell him about the new job though too, which would also require some explaining.

If it takes me too long to do this the letter won't get to him in time anyway.

I can hear Candace getting around. I should get something started if I want anything to eat before I go to bed.

April 2nd, 2018

Not an hour after I'd finished my journal last night and Mom calls up to say she'd received a letter for me from Efe. It was already getting late so she didn't want to bring it to me then, but wanted to know when I'd be home after work today so she could drop it off. That's why I didn't make any note last night, I didn't have his letter in hand to say anything about it, but I do now!

Sounds like he's doing good, but he said things have been tesnse lately and he's not sure how to explain it. He says they've been running extra security checks and drills as though the higher ups are expecting something, but otherwise everything seems fine. He did confirm hearing about Smithwick, but it hadn't registered to him at the time so he didn't pay attention. Now that I've brought it to his attention, Efe said he'd ask around.

He expresses concern about my hallucinations and asked a lot of questions, especially about things I had specifically avoided telling him. I'm not sure how I'm going to answer some of his questions, but the others about what the doctors are saying and stuff I can be more up front about. Of course there is the delay in correspondence, so as much as anything he's just asking for an update knowing I'd have been taking care of things.

Then of course he asks about the museum and how my job is going. I'm not sure how I'm going to tell him about that without explaining why and sounding crazy. Although it sounds like I may not have to worry about it. Efe's put in for leave for the week of Dad and Batel's birthday. He'll miss Mom's birthday, but he always tries to come home that week because all their birthdays are so close. I could just not write back and he'll be arriving about the time I'd be getting a response from him anyway.

No, I should write something at least, even if it's a "looking forward to seeing you, we'll talk then."

It is nice to hear from him, and other than the stress of drilling all the time it sounds like he's having fun. He still can't tell me where he is, but he must be near civilization because he mentioned being able to visit town with his buddies more than once. As always he's frustratingly vague with the things they're doing, and I suppose that's how he'd feel if I avoided answering his questions.

I'm stewing on what I should write back, or if I should write back. So I haven't even pulled out any paper yet.

As for my day today, it was much easier. At least, getting into the swing of things. We'd moved most of the stuff out of Sam's shed Friday, so today I spent time cleaning the shed out and working out how and where to put things back in. Once I got to contemplate everything, and how little that shed was, I started wondering where it all came from. Sam says it was all in the shed, but I just don't see how. And he wants me to get it all back in there.

So while I was cleaning the shed out, which consisted of using a broom to clean up the cobwebs and brush down the walls before sweeping it out. It's not like we're going to prepare food in there, but I couldn't believe how much dust and mud made its way in. I let my mind ponder the question of how to organize everything and get it all back in. There was a shelf in the back that I cleaned off, and I realized it was just some sheet metal propped up on some wall hooks. The hooks themselves were adjustable, fitting into a series of mounts that I found all around the shed. I asked Sam while we ate lunch if he'd would be willing to cut up some of that sheet metal so I could make more shelving, and he said that was a great idea. Most of the metal is scrap anyway, stuff he uses for spare when he needs.

After lunch I found a pencil and some paper and started making notes for how big I'd want the shelves to be, and found a measuring tape among his tools so I could give him numbers. Then I set about organizing all his stuff into piles so I could get an idea of what would be going back into the shed. Most of the sheet metal and scraps I think we can slide under the shed. It's propped up off the ground anyway, so there's room. And I found a couple of metal barrels that are empty, if we can get them into the shed and cut the tops off they can store more stuff. Stand up the bars and fence posts in one, and use the other for smaller scraps and chunks that don't stack so easily.

I found so many pliers, I'm starting to wonder if Sam buys a new pair every month or so because he can't find the others. I'm going to put up nails to hang them off all over the place so he always has a pair handy. And I'd say something similar about his hammers, except all the hammers are different and they look much more well cared for... and used. So those I'll have to dedicate some space for and organize.

I remembered as I was thinking things through of seeing inside Max's Dad's garage. We didn't usually go in there, not much reason to, but he had a peg board on which he hung a lot of his tools. I think I'm going to do that against one of the walls, and we can use nails for pegs since he's got so many. Sam thought that was a good idea too, but confessed that he didn't have any peg board. So after that I started using my note paper to make a list of everything I wanted, and when it was time to go I presented it to Sam. He checked off everything he had, or could manage, and said we'll have to go shopping for the rest.

I was a little embarrassed to be spending his money for him, but Sam said it was perfectly fine. He said he's got something he needs my help with tomorrow, but Wednesday we can go shopping and pick most of that stuff up.

To be honest, I was surprised how fast the day went by. I worked, but it didn't feel like I'd done all that much. Next thing I knew Sam was knocking on the side of the shed to get my attention and it was time to clean up to go. I was apologetic about asking him to buy things, and about not getting anything put back in the shed, and then as I start apologizing for not being ready to go he just starts laughing. It didn't make me feel the greatest, but Sam reminded me that this wasn't an office job and he wasn't ticking off my tasks. He knew this was a big job, and if it was going to get organized right, it'd take time. As long as I wasn't walking around talking on my phone instead of working, he was happy. Did I mention we don't get any cell service out there?

As early as we started, it felt like I had all afternoon to myself once I got home. Candace was in bed when I got there and I had a few hours before she got around. In fact I was able to surprise her with breakfast when she got up for a change. I didn't cook anywhere near as well as she does, but she ate my pancakes and didn't even mention how dark they were. She seemed a little grumpy though, and I offered an apology for waking her up. She just shook her head and said it was fine, that it was nice waking up to the smell of my pancakes.

It feels odd having to go to bed while the sun's still up. I know it'll pass behind the mountains soon, and that makes it a bit easier, but I'm just so used to not even thinking about bed until it was dark. Probably why I'm still sitting here writing even though I should be in bed.

March 31st, 2018

It's been a while since Hal and I had spent time together, intimately, and last night it showed. With all the changes happening and everything going on... And it felt great, such a release. But at the same time, things were different. I don't think Hal noticed it, but I did. We were caught up in the moment, and that might explain things. Our last time was over two weeks ago, which was also our last date.

Either way, it meant that I didn't get home last night, so I'm actually writing this journal entry late. We hadn't planned on me staying there.

Yesterday morning Max came over and helped me go through the last of my stuff. As quickly as I packed up and moved out, it sure seems to be taking forever to unpack. Though really, it's mostly small stuff and memories at this point. Things I need to decide if I want to keep or toss. Considering how long Max and I have been friends, and how close we've been, this was a trip down memory lane for the both of us. So we really only got through one box.

Max had been curious about how things went with Sam on Friday, and now she really wants to visit and see his place for herself. I had thought he'd have already showed her, but I guess not. Of course I mentioned my ruined clothes and needing to get some new outfits if I was going to work at Sam's forge. Max is always thrilled to go shopping, and when we came out of my room we found Candace up and about and invited her to join us. Usually we'd go to the mall, but this time we found ourselves at Rockmount Ranch Wear. The three of us looked way out of place, considering, but then this is Colorado so no one really mentioned it. Anyway, I am now the proud owner of some proper jeans, a couple of flannel shirts, and some gloves my size that could still probably fit within the gloves I'd borrowed from Sam on Friday. The lady at the register seemed amused by our excitement at my new job.

Afterward we got some lunch, which was when Hal texted. He had come over like I had suggested only to find us not answering the door. I was happy to have him come join us, but Max and Candace boxed up our lunches, paid our bill, and had me home so fast my head was spinning. They practically dumped me in Hal's arms and said they'd put my work clothes on my bed.

Hal hadn't had anything to eat, so I actually ended up getting two lunches yesterday, though I hadn't eaten much of my first and didn't get much for my second. We had a nice afternoon, and while there was no planned date, I think we both needed it to be. Hal had even called up Brigida and asked if they could skip a week. He was expecting her to be harder to convince, but she just said okay and asked if everything was alright. Hal admitted that he was just looking to spend some time with me, and Brigida was cool with it. I guess Hal and I were both expecting things to be like at the museum.

We rented a movie, but we didn't watch it. Still fell asleep on the couch though. Not complaining at all. Like I said, it was a good night.

This morning we got around, took a shower, had breakfast. It felt comfortable, nice. And I spent the whole time thinking about how he wasn't telling me about what he'd been doing with The Order, or his classes, or if they'd found anything recently. Only to then realize I wasn't telling him anything about working for Sam now, what we'd done at his shop, my dizzy spell. I mean, I can't tell him about the stables, and that was awkward enough considering when we were both at the museum we could talk about the things we weren't supposed to tell anyone else about. But I'm just so used to us talking, and we weren't.

It didn't feel like we needed to. We just weren't.

Maybe that was what was different about last night.

Leave it up to me to be concerned about something that felt so good.

While we had the morning together, I did need to get home since I didn't have a change of clothes. He still had my over night bag from his last place, so that was good at least. And he needed to work on his school stuff. So he brought me home and dropped me off. I've been doing laundry and putting yesterday's shopping away. I was worried about waking Candace, but she seemed to sleep through it. She's just starting to get around now and was wondering what I wanted for dinner.

I don't think I'll do a journal for tonight, unless something comes up in the next few hours. I do need to get to bed soon though if Sam's going to be picking me up again before dawn. It'll be the first day of a whole work week, and during the typical work week no less. I'm actually kind of excited by that.