I swear I haven't forgotten this, but as we all know this last year was a trial. I had tried to use my time to get back into writing, but as usual...
I have a rather grand view of this story, that were I to write an actual novel rather than journal entries, I'd have multiple novels on my hand. To that end, I have villains in mind. However, given the deceptive nature of the fae, I didn't want the villains to be exactly who the readers expected them to be.
Take Sam for example. Sam is Candace's brother in law, and while Sam's parents are not accepting of Candace, Sam seems to take her under his wing and care for her. I wanted this to show early on, so even in the hospital Sam is constantly checking in on Candace to make sure she's got everything she needs. And when Candace struggles, I was actually writing this before "Karen" became the term it now is, but Karen would be a perfect term for Candace. The scene as I remember it was Candace struggling with her physical therapist, her fae nature came through and she was indignant of the whole situation. She was in pain in a way she'd never felt before (not that she could remember), and she couldn't just get up and do her thing. In order to heal she had some human telling her what to do, which galled her to her very core. So she stands up to give the human a piece of her mind, only to fall cause her ankle still can't support her weight. Sam is there in an instant to catch her and carry her away.
I wanted Sam to be shown to have an overly protective attitude toward Candace. At first it might seem sweet, but I wanted that over the course of the story to evolve into something more sinister, controlling. When Rawiya moves in with Candace I was trying to give a little time for Rawiya to get settled in. But as time went by I wanted to show two things; Candace's nature which I've touched on before, but also how Sam's care went beyond reason. At first it wouldn't seem like much, after all Candace has amnesia and can't remember who she is, or what she used to do, or even if she has her own property or anything. So for Sam to provide for her should seem fitting.
As time went by though, I wanted Rawiya to become more and more interested in who Candace was, and helping to find out. If she was such a celebrated dancer, surely someone is looking for her right? I wanted Sams concern to allow Rawiya to ask him to look into those things, and I think I did start on that. But I wanted Rawiya to check in on his efforts, to see if anything had come up. The answer would always be no, she'd suggest a private eye to help. Sam would agree, but Rawiya would have to ask if he'd found one. Oh yea, I hired a guy last week, he's looking in to things. Should he come by to interview Candace? Right now he's working on what we do have, I didn't want to bother Candace too much anyway, but if and when it becomes necessary I'll let you know and we can find a time to do that.
But on the other side of things, when Rawiya raises the subject to Candace, Candace seems unconcerned with finding out who she was, resistant even. Candace is content with where she is, and why shouldn't she be? She's got a house and a friend, no responsibilities, not even bills. Wait? What about a mortgage? Electric bill, water bill, cable/internet? When Rawiya asks Sam about these he just says that he's redirected the bills to himself and he just pays them for her. And Candace doesn't seem to care.
So Rawiya gets more pushy about this. Especially remembering that part of her agreement with Sam was that her job was to be there for Candace. I want Rawiya's curiosity and concern for Candace to help drive figuring these things out. I want Rawiya to get impatient with this PI's progress and for her to start looking on her own. And I want Rawiya to discover that Sam never actually hired a PI, that Sam had done nothing to look into Candace's history.
I wanted to tease a few things as I revealed that Sam was not as he seemed. Despite how malign Sam's actions would eventually come across, I wanted to show him as having genuine concern for Candace's well being. Of course, that would still tie in with the impression I wanted to build, so it worked in my favor. I even wanted Sam's actions to become controlling in a way. Over time he would be more and more restrictive about what Candace can and cannot do. At first, sure we can go out on holiday and take snow day, but Sam has to be there for that. But as time goes by, Sam is less and less willing to allow Candace to go out, which of course drives Rawiya crazy because Sam does not get to allow Candace to do anything.
But there was another aspect about Sam that I also wanted to tease, an aspect that I wanted to be much slower to reveal. I wanted to reveal it through Candace's treatment of Sam, which started all the way back at the hospital. Candace is dismissive of him, even more so than she is of others. And even as Rawiya wears that down, helping Candace to befriend Max and Hal, Candace remains dismissive and condescending toward Sam. At first of course Rawiya just sees that Sam is being helpful and caring, and she doesn't understand why Candace should be so cold toward him. But even as Rawiya learns that Sam has control of every aspect of Candace's life, she can't get Candace to see how this might be a bad thing all through Candaces dismissal of him. It makes for an odd sort of dynamic, in which Candace expects everything out of Sam even as she brushes him off and doesn't listen to him. But when Sam says don't go out, she won't go out.
I wanted a final confrontation, well not final but a climactic confrontation in which Rawiya finally gets Candace to understand that Sam should not be trusted. In so doing, she gets Candace to finally leave the house unaccompanied by Sam, and together they go to find some answers. When they get back, Sam is fuming that they didn't listen to him. Now I feel I should mention that while Sam, this whole time, has had a disturbing amount of control, he's always been accepting of Candace's dismissal of him and has never raised his voice to her or acted threatening in any way. So when Sam finally raises his voice and expresses anger, Rawiya is understandably terrified. Candace however finally goes on the offense herself, finally confronting Sam about all the things Rawiya had been trying to get through to her. Despite Sam's size and demeanor, he is cowed by Candace's fury, but in her rage Candace spits out the accusation that he's a filthy troll.
Sam is horrified by this, he'd been shrinking under Candace's fury, but at hearing her call him a troll he practically collapses in on himself and leaves.
This gets in to one aspect I wanted to present in my stories. The fae exist, in many forms, fairies and sprites, elves and goblins, The Sidhe above all, and trolls below. In my interpretation of these things, I wanted to present trolls as being the offspring between the fae and humans. Stories of trolls being filthy and lowly, living under bridges, come to us humans from fairies telling us about them. As such when we think of trolls we think of monstrous and dangerous things, we don't think of individuals like Sam. I imagine and describe it similarly to the uncanny valley for the fae.
If you are unfamiliar with the uncanny valley, it's a term used to express the phenomenon of how we find things less attractive the more closely things resemble us. For the fae this is what's going on with trolls. They are half fae, as so are like the fae in many aspects, certainly more so than we humans. But they are not quite fae, and as such the fae find trolls to be less attractive. They push them out and turn them away. So trolls generally grow up homeless and fall into the very descriptions that the fae have about them. That's why they live under bridges. Not being true fae, they can't live with nature the way the fae do, they are very like us in that respect.
But for us humans, we find them more attractive, being human touched with aspects of the fae. We are drawn to them, enamored by them. Not knowing that they are the trolls that fairies tell us about, we have different names for them: Incubus and Succubus. I wanted to use Max to show this aspect of Sam. Rawiya's tumor would interfere with it, 'cause the attraction is somewhat magical in nature. It's been a little while, so I don't know how far along the line I had gotten, but I wanted Max and Sam to become an item for a while.
In any case, Candace being by nature fae, this is why she is so dismissive and cold toward Sam. But I didn't yet want to reveal why it was so hurtful to him for her to call him out like that. See, even though Sam ran off having been called out by Candace, Rawiya and Candace both agree they shouldn't be there when he returns. So they call Max (by this point I wanted Rawiya to be more aware that Candace is fae and as such she avoids calling Hal) who comes over, they load up her car with things and drive out into the mountains hoping to get away from Sam.
Now, I don't want to get into too much detail about what transpires, but from the perspective of a novelization version of my story, I wanted this to end out the book. Sam finally gets to reconnect with the girls, and finally explains why he has been acting the way he has. He hasn't kidnapped Candace, he isn't trying to control her in any way. She's a fugitive, he's trying to protect her.
Sam will finally then explain that on the other side of O Véu there are kingdoms of fae and fairy kind. We humans are vaguely aware of them having remembered them in legend. But that since the erection of O Véu, the kingdoms have changed, fallen and reformed. Where once there were two, the Seelie and Unseelie, there are now many. Fairy kind is still bound by the agreement made to raise O Véu, and in some aspect the original courts still exist. The fractions within those courts have as much as anything to do with a disagreement about who rules after King Bres's sacrifice. The summer court believes that his crown should have passed to his daughter Titania, while the winter court believes his protégé, Nuada, who was properly trained to take the throne should fulfill his destiny.
There are other courts to be sure, but Sam's concern is with a particular court ruled by one known as The Mad Queen. Sam doesn't know much of Candace's original reason for being involved with The Mad Queen, he suspects she was a placed spy. In any case, what is believed is that The Mad Queen was actively seeking to tear down O Véu, which would undo the entire purpose of erecting it in the first place. Not knowing exactly what Candace was doing, Sam only does know that Candace had managed to create for herself something of an emergency contingency in case she was discovered. That's what Sam is, his job is to protect Candace from The Mad Queen, and that's why Candace had to give up her identity: so she couldn't be tracked or summoned. That's why he is so protective of her, not to control her for his own amusement. With O Véu fallen and the worlds reuniting, there are now fae freely wandering our world. In order to protect Candace, he can't let her be discovered, lest The Mad Queen find her and come for her.
This is why Candace can't know who she is, and why we can't tell her much if anything about herself. She has to forget that she's fae, or she'll remember everything and become vulnerable. Her amnesia is willingly undertaken, and this has an effect on how it works for her. The only thing she remembers is that Sam is her protector, that's why she was and hopefully remains so trusting of Sam's judgement. But because her identity wasn't stripped from her, she remains physically fae, that's why she still has her wings and can readily recognize other fae and trolls. That is something that can only fade with time, but it also acts as an indicator. As long as she remains physically fae, she can remember and come back, which they hope she'll one day be able to do. But if she ever fully becomes mortal, there's no return, and she'll live and die as a mortal never remembering who she was.
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