February 22nd, 2018

Candace asked this morning if she could be with me for the operation. I don't think she understood that she wouldn't be allowed in the room. But Mom said she'd be welcome to stay with her while I was in. Since Hal was going to stop by this morning anyway I texted him and asked him to pick Candace up. And they were both able to join me when I was admitted to the hospital.

Hal couldn't stay long since he had class, but it was nice having him here. Candace looks like more of a wreck than Mom does. She's been great though, offering to get coffee or snacks or anything we need. I don't think Mom's let go of me since we got here. Even now her hand is resting on my leg.

I'm feeling stoic, I think would be the best word. I can feel my system altered without my meds, it's like I'm in a constant state of going into an attack. Not quite nauseous, more like I'm sitting in a boat on water. And to be honest, I haven't let go of Mom all day either. In many ways she's been holding me up. I know what's coming, and any fear or nervousness I should feel is gone. Now I'm just waiting for it to happen.

And that's what's happening now. It's still early in the day, we just had a small lunch. I'm just waiting for staff to come get me. So I decided to write in my journal a bit, I expect afterward I'm not going to want to do much.

Max couldn't be here, though she texted me saying she wished she could. She said she'll try to stop by later just to check in on me. Likewise, Dad has work. But he'll come over after he gets off.

Dr. Laurie just poked his head into the room to let us know they're coming.