September 1st, 2017

It’s late, but I need to get this down before I forget anything. I had a great day, and it looks like Candace is in a good position. We had a lot of fun, and Sam is a wonderful cook, I’ll happily visit them again and look forward to it.

It’s just, I’m worried about Candace. Let me explain how the evening went, and then maybe I can explain my worry.

Sam picked me up after work at the museum as we planned. He got there early, and once I knew he was there I made sure to count down my till quickly so he wouldn’t have to wait. He walked me out to his truck, which was obviously a work truck. It had some heavy equipment in back for his smithing, even had a proper anvil.

As he was driving me to Candace’s, I asked how she was doing. He said she’s been acting pretty stir crazy. Her broken ankle prevents her from getting around, and with noone to contact, she doesn’t have any visitors. He’s been looking out for her, getting groceries and taking care of chores, but he can’t be there all the time and feels bad just leaving her all alone.

I asked about his folks, and what I overheard when I passed them in the hall. He said that his brother’s marriage to Candace had been sudden and unexpected. They hadn’t been dating long enough for Eli, his brother, to tell their parents, and then on a whim they eloped. They were going to honeymoon in Hawaii, that’s why they were aboard the plane. His parents were hurt that they didn’t know anything about this, with Sam as well since Sam knew what was going on. They were justifiably suspicious of Candace when I had overheard their conversation, but Sam said they had since warmed up to her and were now supportive of her.

I asked, since he said he knew her a bit before the crash, what he knew about her. He said she was a dancer, “not the exotic type mind,” but that she performed for small parties who were wealthy enough to afford her. He said that his brother had meet Candace at an officers party some politician had thrown. What he heard was that the party had treated her poorly, they were expecting the more exotic kind. So when she stormed out disgusted by their behavior, Eli had gone after her. He apologized for the other’s behavior and offered her a ride home. They hit it off hard and fast and next thing Sam knew they were married.

We weren’t able to talk longer, because by then we were already at her house in Crestmoor. It was a nice place, certainly nicer than my parents place. I helped Sam carry in the groceries, though he didn’t look like he needed the help at all, and he seemed genuinely surprised at me lending a hand.

The inside of Candace’s house was, I think the word is spartan. The living room had a TV and a chair, in which sat Candace who had appeared to have given up on the remote as it was lying on the floor near a dent in the wall behind the TV. She did brighten upon seeing us though.

While Sam settled into his role as cook, Candace gave me a tour of the place. She called it cramped, which took me off guard considering my parents place with the three of us was smaller. The master bedroom had a small dresser on top of which was mounted another TV. And while there were two other bedrooms, they both had their doors closed. When I asked about them, Candace said she didn’t really have any use for them anyway, they were just full of stuff. We looked in the one, it was dominated by a gun rack which of everything in the house seemed to have received the most loving care.

The dining room had a table, complete with four chairs. I helped Candace take one of the chairs, she was still getting around using the crutches. And then when I went to take another chair I found a cat lying on it. As I grabbed the chair to pull it out, it growled at me and startled me. I jumped back, and his paw reached up to hit the chair where I had been holding it. Scared the ever living crap out of me. Candace laughed, but Sam was there quick as can be shoing the cat into the bedroom. I’m pretty sure I heard him mutter “Damn Cat.”

Candace apologized for laughing, but she said I should have seen my face. I finally took my seat, and asked about the cat. Candace said he was her only companion here, but didn’t know if the cat had belonged to her late husband or not. She said he’s normally very sweet to her, but typically stays out of sight when Sam was around.

While she had been giving me a tour I got the feeling that the place was a bachelor pad. There were a number of pictures of some guy though, one with him standing among a group of guys all wearing fatigues. One had him standing with Sam, both younger, each holding a fish by a line. I asked about them, and Candace confirmed that the one was Eli.

Eli, by the photos, was a good looking guy. He was much more average than was Sam, in more ways than one. Having spent the drive over with Sam, I have to admit he had a rugged handsomeness about him. Seeing him in the picture with Eli, I could see that Sam was easily the better looking of the two, but Eli wasn’t without his own good looks. He wasn’t as big as Sam, or as tall, and his hair was more brown, more like their parents. Where Sam's skin was darker than mine, Eli had a healthy sun induced tan.

Before I realized it, I pointed out that Sam and Eli looked quite different, not just from each other, but from their parents as well. Sam explained that was because he and his brother were both adopted. Candace seemed curious about that as well, and she asked her own questions. As I listened to them talk, it seemed they were finally getting to know each other for the first time. Candace was curious if he knew much about himself from before he was adopted, no doubt because it almost mirrored her present experience. Sam though deflected those questions, he seemed unwilling to talk about it.

I stepped in and changed the subject, asking Candace if being home here brought back any memories. She admitted that it hadn’t, which I had to guess was because this was Eli’s place, which raised the question, where was her’s? Candace seemed confused at first, and I had to explain that if she had only recently married Eli, she must have lived somewhere else before. The question was, where?

Candace agreed that it made sense and we both asked Sam if he knew anything. He said he didn’t, but bringing it up I had given him an idea. He wouldn’t be able to look into it tonight, but with the weekend upon us he would have the time to look.

At some point in the conversation, Sam had finished cooking and joined us at the table. He had made a dish of salmon and scallops in a garlic white sauce topped with cheddar cheese. It was fantastic, and I didn’t even miss the linguini I would usually expect with such a meal. Candace was especially thrilled with the dish, she said she loved it and it seemed like our praise made Sam’s night.

Sam had asked about my job at the museum, which isn’t particularly interesting. But since we were on the subject I asked Sam about being a blacksmith. He said he found peace in the forge, the rhythmic hammering of the metal, and being able to create things with his own hands was unequalled in his experience. He said he mostly did basic stuff for local equestrians. Being wealthy enough to own a horse or two usually meant they could afford to be a little eccentric in how their horses were shod. Sam said he didn’t just do horseshoes though. As often as not people were commissioning him to do trim for their gates and fences, or their barns, and now their homes. Once Sam got into the hang of doing those he started doing more artistic type pieces and managed to sell a couple that he was really proud of. Doing arms and armor was a new thing for the renaissance crowd, he hadn’t ever thought of applying his trade that way, but once he looked into it he found it really fascinating. Now he’s working on a suit of armor all his own, when he has the chance to work on it.

Having both shared our professions as they may be (mine just a job really) Candace then asked about Eli, what he did. Sam seemed to hesitate, but he said that Eli had been a soldier and had worked into becoming an officer for the Army. He said Eli had been injured a few years ago, and that it had placed Eli behind a desk since. Sam seemed to feel guilty about that, and it took some coaxing, but Sam and Eli had enlisted together. While Eli found himself drawn to a permanent position within the Army, Sam had taken an honorable discharge after he’d served his term. I think Sam blames himself for not being there when Eli had been injured.

We eventually finished up, and as it was getting late I needed to get home. But it was neat spending time with Candace and Sam, learning about them and getting to know them. I promised to visit again, which would depend on my schedule, and now that I knew where she lived I could probably find a bus route there so Sam didn’t have to come get me all the time. Sam seemed relieved by that.

So now I’m at home, and it gives me a moment to reflect on my worries about Candace. Watching them interact, I got the feeling that there were two different relationships going on. Candace is of course still learning her place in the world, trying to remember who she was and at the same time developing who she now is. Sam is her brother-in-law, but she seems to treat him more like a servant. Once he and I started talking she happily welcomed him into the conversation, but up until then she practically ignored him.

But like I said, it was like there was a whole other relationship going on, and that was Sam’s relationship to Candace. I didn’t get the feeling that she was his sister-in-law, in fact he seemed to look at her as though she were something more than that. He treats her formally, almost reinforcing that she is his sister-in-law, but his formality seems to go overboard. Especially with the way he looks at her, he’s fond of her. To be clear it’s not that he desires her, which tends to reinforce the sister-in-law relationship. But he does seem to want to impress her. I said earlier that our praise of his food made his night, but I think it was more her praise of his food.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just over thinking it. I am tired after all. I hope Sam is able to find something this weekend. I think it’s clear that that house is Eli’s, and not her’s. She seemed very out of place there. Which wasn’t helped by her clothes, I’m not sure what she was wearing but it didn’t seem to fit at all. She seemed comfortable enough, but it all seemed a size too big. With any luck, something will be found that maybe helps to explain this situation.

August 31st, 2017

Today started out looking like it’d be another lazy day. Mom was not about to have that, I guess I was sulking a bit, so she grabbed me up and we went to visit the Botanic Gardens. I’ve always liked it there, it's peaceful. I always like to visit the Bonsai Pavilion and the Tea House, but on a hot summer day it’s nice to take a stroll through the Oak Grove and Shady Lane.

It was a nice little treat, and I’m glad Mom brought me.

But…. While we were in the Oak Grove, I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. When I turned to look there wasn’t anything to see. But it really bugged me, and I got distracted trying to find what had caused me to turn in the first place and walked into Mom. She asked what was up, and I just said I wasn’t sure. We took a seat at the nearest spot, and Mom gave me a moment thinking maybe I was having a dizzy spell. To be honest, I could feel it, but I was so concerned with what I’d seen, it didn’t really register, and it never turned into a full attack. Will have to mark today with the rest of my attacks.

Anyway, as I was looking around I saw it again out of the corner of my eye. This time when I turned to look it was still there. At first I thought a firefly, which didn’t make any sense. But as I looked, sure enough whatever it was was shining as though producing it’s own light. It's glow was very light, if it had been out in the sun I wouldn't have been able to see it, but it was in the shadow of the leaves and was definitely producing it's own light.

Mom noticed that I was staring at something and asked what I was looking at. In the moment I turned to her and then looked back, trying to point it out to her, whatever I had seen was gone. We waited for a little while more, but it didn’t come back.

We eventually moved on, and I didn’t see anything like it again, nor did I feel the dizziness coming on. I’m a little concerned they might be connected, and next time I visit Dr. Laurie I’ll have to mention this. For now I don’t want to mention it to Mom, ‘cause it might be nothing, but just before Mom asked me what I was looking at, I could swear that I was looking at a tiny person.

I’ve been doing some research on my own into hallucinations, the types people have, what they actually see, and what causes them. One thing I’ve learned about is Pareidolia, it’s an ability our minds have to see patterns where they don’t exist. This is how we see faces in things that don’t have faces, or are able to see shapes in clouds. It’s not a hallucination itself, but it makes it hard to determine what I am seeing. Is this tiny person a hallucination, or is it just Pareidolia?

I have to admit, that thought scares me. And if I’m being honest, that same fear is why I’m not mentioning it to Mom. But for my own sanity I plead, I need to be sure that it is a hallucination before I say anything. So if it happens again I have to find some way of confirming what I’m seeing.

Anyway, when we got home there was a message from work asking if I could come in tomorrow to cover Janet’s shift. With all this time off, I really need the hours. So I texted Sam real quick asking if he could call me back as soon as he was able, which he promptly did. I explained the situation and offered to reschedule. Sam asked how late the schedule would run, and when I said five thirty he suggested we meet up for dinner. He has some things at his shop he needs to work on anyway, and he’d be happy to make dinner if that was okay. Honestly, he sounded a little desperate.

I had already been talking with Mom about visiting Candace, so I just checked in about being out later than usual. She was okay with it, so I confirmed with Sam that that’d be alright and asked if he could pick me up at the museum. He said that’d probably be easier for him to find and agreed.

Tomorrow is going to be busy then, and it’ll run late, so I better get some rest while I can.

August 30th, 2017

It doesn’t take long for lazy days to get boring. Having already had one, even with work yesterday, I found myself really bored today. I did chores, and caught up on Legion, I find myself having to watch the same episode two and three times before I feel I understand what’s going on, which is why I’m still only on the 3rd episode. Thank God for DVR, or I’d never get to watch anything interesting.

Sam texted me today, they’re releasing Candace. We chatted for a bit, it sounds like her scans didn’t show anything that might need corrected, or that might be physically causing her amnesia. So they really didn’t have any further reason to keep her at the hospital. Sam said he’ll be looking after her for the time being, but he was still hoping that maybe I could spend time with her. He said she did better when I visited.

I’ll admit, it seems odd, like he’s scheduling a play date for a kid or something. Which doesn’t help that I’m the playdate. But I really feel for her, she’s gone through a lot, and at the same time it’s all just been dumped on her ‘cause she can’t remember any of it. It’s hard to imagine how that’d feel.

On the other hand, it’s exciting. How many people get the chance to learn about a person as they learn about themselves? I suppose all parents get that chance with each of their kids, but this is different, she’s already an adult. Well, minus her tantrums I guess. But even then, if the tantrums are a result of her situation, maybe helping her rebuild her memories will help with the tantrums. And if we can’t rebuild her memories, I get to be there to help her build new ones.

So yea, I’m kind of excited for this. We decided to meet up on Friday, since I don’t have anything scheduled. I did have to explain that he’d have to come get me since I can’t drive. Sam thought that meant I didn’t have a vehicle, I forgot I hadn’t explained my tumor to him. A conversation for the drive after he picks me up.

Max also got back to me about a lunch date, so I’ll get to catch up with her on Sat. She said she found a new deli last week while I was in the hospital, said I’d like it.

So yea, that’s my day, not uneventful, but not exactly productive either. On the plus side, the swelling around my broken nose seems to have finally gone away. Still sporting a nasty bruise though.

August 29th, 2017

Back from work, short easy shift. The others were happy to see me again, and were all concerned about how I was doing. So I was answering questions all day, but it’s nice to know they care. Even the bus driver noticed I had been gone.

Not much to say, mostly just a record that I didn’t have any dizzy spells and if I was seeing anything it didn’t register out of the ordinary. I did get a look at my schedule, the rest of this week is light because they hadn’t planned on me, but they’ve got me on call in case they need. Next week’s schedule is still being worked on but it looks like I’ll have my usual days off. Texted Max to let her know. Maybe we can get together some time for lunch. I think Thursday she has time between classes. We’ll see.

August 28th, 2017

It’s weird to think that it’s been a week since my blackout. Part of that I know is because I was out for two nights and completely lost a day. Then I spent the rest of the week in the hospital, and as much as I did it’s not like I was traveling to work and back every day. Made for one long monotonous week that doesn’t feel like it took that long at all. More like one really long day.

Still, that means I’ve missed a week of work. Fortunately Mom made sure to call them and let them know. I still had to call in today to check in. They know about my tumor, and they’re really great people, so I know they’re understanding. But I also know how it is when someone calls out sick, and it can be a pain to cover for them. I’ll have to make it up to the others and help cover shifts on the fly for a while.

That said, it was a nice relaxing day today. Normally on my days off I still have my own chores to do, but I haven’t been around to make a mess and my work clothes when unused. Thanks to that hospital gown I was barely wearing my own clothes. Just a lazy day at home, which rarely happens. I almost felt guilty when I called Max up and found she was at work. Almost.

She’s got some days off coming up, but I need to find out my own schedule before I can confirm a day off of my own. Maybe we can make a lunch date or something, catch up then. They weren’t sure when I’d be available next, so I really wasn’t scheduled this week. They could use me tomorrow, so I’ll have a short shift then, and they’ll have a schedule for me when I get there.

Speaking of getting back to my own job, I find myself wondering about Candace and where she works. If her in-laws don’t even know her family, do they know where she works? Has anyone been able to call in on her behalf? That sucks to think that not only has she lost her past, but she might even be losing her future. What is she going to do about the hospital bills? Insurance? Even if she has any, does she know? Those things hadn’t even occurred to me before, but now I find myself wondering how she’s going to rebuild her life. Not just reconstructing her past, but her present and her future as well. I hope someone is looking for her, someone who can advocate on her behalf more than just her in-laws. A friend? Her Mom? Someone? If they’ve got her information though, they should be able to look her up, right? Find a relative, a facebook page? Something?

It makes me wonder what Sam meant in saying there was no one. No one they know of? Or does he know and he knows there’s no one there? That’s an awful thought. Wish I knew her last name, I could go looking myself.

August 27th, 2017

It seems like it’s been such a long day, but I think part of that is simply how long it’s been since I’ve been in my own room. The specialist that Dr. Laurie had consulted didn’t see anything on my MRI scans that needed immediate rescanning, which was a relief. They still need to compare it to past scans and see if they can find what might have caused my loss of balance, but that’ll take time and doesn’t require me to remain monitored. I still had to complete another session of physical therapy. Mostly they wanted to make sure I knew how to do things correctly, that way I could do them on my own here at home.

Physical therapy didn’t happen until after lunch because Dr. Laurie wasn’t able to meet with Mom and I until 10:30, so I wasn’t able to leave as soon as I’d like. That said, I ran into the missing hiker at the cafeteria. At first I didn’t know it was him, but he seemed familiar. He must have thought the same, because he approached me and asked if he’d seen me at the museum. I admitted that I was a cashier there. Turns out he’s an intern from the University in the Anthropology department. His name is Halvis, Hal, and after I asked about why he was here, that’s when I learned he was the missing hiker. That certainly explained his appearance, and why he was dragging an IV bag around with him. We weren’t able to talk for long, ‘cause I had my therapy session, but he promised to bump into me at the museum some time.

And while I was at therapy, Sam showed up looking for me interestingly enough. He waited patiently for me, and at first I wasn’t aware that he was there. Once I did notice him I started looking around for Candace and was confused that I couldn’t find her. It wasn’t until I was finishing up and gathering my stuff that he approached me, asking if I could stop by Candace’s room and spend some time with her. I told him I was being released, but he insisted and explained that I had been a relaxing influence on her. I promised I’d stop by, but I couldn’t stay.

So before we actually left, I made sure to stop by Candace’s room. Sam was right, she needed some calming, she was irate when I got there. I guess staying in the hospital was taking it’s toll on her too. When I got there she ordered Sam and the nurses out, then greeting me warmly she apologized for her behavior.

Candace is definitely a puzzle. There’s a warmth in her, a concern for others that I recognized while we were talking in the cafeteria yesterday. Some of the topic’s I’d brought up certainly caused her concern for how people have been treated in the past. And even looking around at the other patients at the hospital, she often smiled at those whose gaze would wander our way. It was a warm and genuine smile, and it always received a smile in return. But then when I catch her in her room, or like at the therapy session when I first saw her, she has this petulant side to her that seems so childish. She treats Sam like dirt, and the nurses for that matter. I have to wonder what her relationship with her husband had been like, or if she was like that only now with her amnesia. Maybe it was just being cooped up in her hospital room, I don’t know. I know I was getting testy myself and wanted to get home.

I asked how she was doing, and she said she wanted out. I probed a little bit and found that it wasn’t like she wanted to leave, as much as she wanted to be outside. She was actually kind of scared of leaving, and mentioned that the doctors were only waiting to get a scan of her brain before they released her. Turns out she was waiting on the MRI machine that I had been scheduled for. I let her know that I was leaving today, and that seemed to sour her mood. She asked me to visit her, but I told her that I had work and life to get back to. I wasn’t sure I’d have the time. She then shooed me out almost like she had Sam.

Outside her room, Sam caught me and thanked me for stopping by. I mentioned that some fresh air would probably do her some good, that she really just wanted to get outside. He said that made sense, and I would have asked about it, but I was really starting to run short on time. Sam knew I was leaving, but he asked if he could get in touch with me later. He said that I had been very helpful, and that with her amnesia, he didn’t know who he could contact of her friends or family. He asked if I’d be willing to visit after she had been released.

He was right, and I knew it as soon as I heard him say it. Between the doctors, and her in-laws, she didn’t have anything. I told him I work, but that on my days off once in awhile it might be nice to get to know her. So we swapped numbers and he promised to text me to let me know how she was doing. I said I’d let him know when I have a day free, and we could make plans for then.

I do hope she is released soon. Maybe familiar surroundings might help, with her attitude at least if not her memory. It’s not late, but being home I find myself just wanting to sleep. Mom said she’d been in contact with my boss at the museum and let him know what was going on. I’ll need to call in tomorrow, but since there’s not much in the way of physical requirements, I should be able to return to work soon. Dr. Laurie did make sure to give me a note to turn in, dating it through tomorrow so I can spend a day at home before going back to work. If I have my way I’ll sleep the entire day, maybe get up for a banana split or something. His instructions though for work are to take it easy, and if I need to take a break I should. Keep the stress low for a few days. I’ll have to keep that in mind.