March 27th, 2018

As smooth as this move has been, it's still been stressful on me. There was no better reminder of that till today as I was hallucinating a fairy outside my parents place watching us carry boxes to the car. Mom had given Dad a ride to work this morning so we could borrow the car and move the last little bit.

I keep saying the last bit, but in all honestly a lot of my stuff has been boxed up and Mom is saving them for me to have again later. Toys from my childhood, stuffed animals and the like, photo albums that she'd created of me for me, things that I'll get back when I have children of my own. Assuming I ever have kids. Mostly memories, and nice ones that I'm happy she's holding on to, but things that I don't have room for anymore.

That's part of the stress that I've been feeling, leaving home isn't just leaving the only thing I've ever known. It's leaving behind all those memories. It's got me feeling a bit down in the dumps, and I think that's why I was seeing a fairy watching us.

Before we boxed them up for good, we spent some time going over them. It was just Candace, Mom, and I today, since everyone else had work. But it was nice being able to share those memories with Candace. Though looking back on it, I feel a bit guilty now realizing she doesn't have the same. Not even a tangible memory to wonder over.

We'll have to create those memories for her.

Anyway, everything that is coming with me is now here. And I've spent some time situating, but I still have a lot to go through and it's a little overwhelming. Even with everything that was left behind with Mom, I'm still wondering how I had room for all this stuff and where I'm going to put it now.

Sam was over for dinner, he wanted to check in on us and make sure everything was okay with my move. He said he'd have time tomorrow if I still needed, but I think he was glad I didn't. He didn't ask about when I'd be ready to join him at the shop, I think he felt it might be rushing me. So I made sure to ask if it was okay if I took another few days to situate and move in. Of course he was okay with that.

So much to do and my head is swimming, so I'm going to go to bed a little early tonight and get an early start tomorrow.

a general note

I had tried really hard to keep up with this journal through some stuff I've been working on, and unfortunately I have been unable to do that. Part of the reason the journal entries for these last few days have been so... lacking in substance.

I'm not seeing that I have a lot of readers. I am getting hits from a few places, but I can't tell if they're actual readers or just servers as I post links to my journal entries through a few different social medias. So if I don't have any readers at all, I guess I don't have to worry about it. But if I have even one reader, let me apologize. I have so much going on right now and I only have a short time to type this little note out before I have to leave. And I don't know how long this is going to last.

I am hoping things will settle down soon. And when they do I should be in a much better position to work on these entries. So I should be able to not only catch up but get myself ahead for any future issues. I ask your patience while I get my ducks in a row.

That said, if I do have any readers, let me know. Say Hi in the comments, let me know your thoughts. If you keep coming back I must be doing something right. Let me know what that is, let me know what I can do better. I'm happy to hear constructive criticism, and I'd love to hear your ideas. I had actually hoped that this story would be a bit more influenced by the readers, so please by all means respond to the story. I'd love to see you guys adding to my story with depictions, in art or in word, of #fairysign type stuff. Or even your own ideas of things happening in the world as O Véu comes down.

Considering this is intended to be a personal journal that doesn't actually exist on the internet, its understandable that people might not want to comment here. If you'd prefer, that's why I set up the facebook page. The tumblr link is mine also, and while it wasn't intended to be associated with this journal, it is mine and you can comment there as well. If there are other social media's you like to catch me through, let me know.

Sadly though, I need to go. Again, please accept my apologies that this story of mine is going to go into dormancy. Hopefully only a few days, no more than a week. I promise I will get back to it, I want to see this through in the worst way. If I have any readers, it would be a huge boost to my moral in that effort for you to speak up and let me know. And if nothing else, please share this with others. I'd love to see this story become something more than my own little thing.

March 26th, 2018

Not a whole lot to say, spent most of the day packing and moving again. Dad had to work, as did Sam, even Mom had her project down at the library to work on. The advantage being that Hal was able to come by and help move. Candace was there to help as well, but with three of us in Hal's jeep, that didn't leave a lot of room for boxes.

Candace and I spent most of the morning packing what we could, of what was left to pack. And while Hal had a lunch break we got in a trip, but that didn't leave him a lot of time to eat. So Candace and I fed him after he helped bring in what we'd shipped. Then he had to leave and Candace and I took the bus back to my parents place to get some more work done. With most everything packed we started cleaning up after me so that Mom wouldn't have to. When Dad got home he helped us with another trip, but then he left us here and went home.

So I've actually got most of my stuff here now, though it's all still in boxes. I still have a few things left at home, and if Candace and I want to be complete we'll go back and finish cleaning tomorrow.

Then I'll have to unpack everything.

For as fast as this has been, its still starting to feel like it's taking forever. I've been trying to unpack since I'm here and unable to do anything else, but it's like I don't know where to put anything and I don't know where to start.

Oh well, I have time. Sam's not expecting me to show up for work until I'm comfortable to do so, but he's also not going to pay me until I do. Still, my "true" job is to be here for Candace, and I don't know how that's going to work out as far as paychecks and stuff. So I also need to get to Sam's forge so I can talk with him about that. No stress, just stress.

March 25th, 2018

I can't believe how fast this move has taken place. Efe wasn't really moving anything, but he was still preparing for shipping out for a week in advance, and Batel spent the whole week packing before we moved all her stuff in one go. My decision to move was less than a week ago, and we packed all day yesterday, and we moved most of the stuff today. My two heavy items, my bed and dresser, means that I'm sleeping here, and I've got the clothes to do so. We grabbed a bunch of boxes, my books, comics, movies, and other things that were easy to grab and pack. Also heavy boxes. But I still have a lot of stuff left at home, and I forgot to grab my toiletries and towels. Fortunately I've stayed over here before and Candace is happy to let me use her stuff till I get mine.

It's just been a long day of moving, but between Dad and Sam, I hardly had to do any heavy lifting. I felt bad for Dad, but Sam made it look easy. Hal's been texting me through the day, he would have loved to come help and kept asking to do so. But I know he's on the outs right now with my parents, and he's got school starting up again tomorrow. So I told him not today, but he can come by and help me unpack things after it's all here.

Dad's going to come get me tomorrow and we'll see about getting the rest of my stuff packed up to move. But he's got to work, so it'll get packed, I don't know if it'll get moved. I may have to find a way to smooth things over with the parental units and Hal to get his help.

Anyway, it's late now that I've finished making the bed. I need to get to sleep if I'm going to be up in time for Dad to get me.

March 24th, 2018

We haven't always lived here, so I've moved before. But it's been a long time since I've moved and I don't really remember doing it before. When Efe left to join the service, he pretty much left everything behind. In fact his room still has all of his stuff right where he left it. Mom dusts it out every so often, and he's come home to visit a couple of times. But he didn't exactly move. Batel on the other hand did move, and since we were sharing a room that pretty much opened things up for me. I did get to help with that though, and packing her things up and hauling them to Arizona is easy to remember since it was only almost a year ago.

Packing her things up was mostly just a lot of work, but there was a certain amount of emotion involved because my sister was moving away. But moving myself, it's almost opposite. It's still work, but there's a lot more emotion involved. As Mom and I are going through things, it's more like we're going through my memories to see what's there. It was the same with Batel, but they were her memories as much as anything. This time they're my memories.

That was my day today, just cleaning things up and packaging them away. Fortunately I'd done laundry recently, so my clothes were easy to pack away. Saving enough out for the next few days to remain descent. We've still got a lot to pack though, and it's a little mind blowing realizing how much crap I've got. I hadn't though I'd had that much stuff, but now I've got the boxes to prove otherwise.

Sam'll be by tomorrow to start moving the big things with his trailer. Since I'm only moving across town, we're not in as much of a rush to move all the things right now like we were with Batel. But the more we can get on that trailer the easier it'll be later. Besides, once my bed is moved, I'll have to be able to start sleeping at Candace's. So I'll need my clothes and toiletries to come with. The rest can come at a more relaxed pace.

Long day today, I expect it'll be another long day tomorrow.

March 23rd, 2018

I'm scared and excited, in different measure at different times. I've always lived with my parents, and there's a comfort in that. But I've also, even more so recently, been wanting to move out. My thoughts had been that Max and I might find a place together, but everything she could find was associated with the college which I wasn't also attending. So that just never happened.

Now that the opportunity has presented itself, I'm excited to finally be doing what I've long wanted. But it means I'm stepping outside of that familiarity, and that's kinda scary. I've heard horror stories about roommates that can't get along. Thanks to Hals recent roommate, I even have a horror story of my own. Thanks to those stories, the general consensus is to not move in with a friend if you want to remain friends.

The advantage though is that we already know each other, the only thing we don't really know is our living arrangements and how they'll mesh. But I think as long as we're open with each other we should be fine. Besides, she'll have the master bedroom which has its own bath. And I'll just have my own bathroom that I'll have to keep clean for guests, which is how it's been with my parents. Though admittedly Mom made sure to stay on top of certain things and I won't have her around anymore.

Sam said he's got a trailer that he uses to deliver some of his larger pieces, and we can use it to move my stuff. It's not an enclosed trailer, and I'm tempted to ask if we can get a rental instead. But either way, he'll haul it and help load/unload. We'll just have to plan ahead so he can make sure he's got the time. I asked about this weekend, but Sam already has a schedule. Besides, I need time to get boxes and pack everything up. So we're looking at next weekend as the best opportunity.

I talked with Mom and Dad about everything today. Mom kept saying I didn't have to move, that getting a job helping Sam was fine. Dad said that if I went to college I wouldn't have to pay rent. I think they're feeling the fear of losing me, even despite their ultimatum. This'll be good for me though, I need to move on and out. And unlike my siblings I'll still be in Denver.

Mom and Dad are being supportive though. Dad said he'd start bringing boxes home for me, and Mom offered to help pack them. She also mentioned that this would be a good opportunity for me to purge things that I didn't need or want anymore, and that she could store things that I might want in the future. Like keeping some of my toys for kids of my own or whatever.

This is going to be an interesting week as I dig out all my stuff and go over it. I'm wondering what I'll find. And I'm hoping I don't lose anything.

March 22nd, 2018

Today started out normally enough. Hal called up and asked about going to the gym and picking up Candace. He said he had the day free if I wanted to do something, but he knew I generally had plans with Candace. Of course, if he could be of help at Candace's he was willing and able. I told him that Candace and I had plans, but we needed to talk. I told him I'd check in with Candace, and get back to him.

So when I called Candace up, I let her know what was going on. She encouraged me to take the morning to talk with Hal and that I could join her whenever I was ready. So I called Hal up and asked if we could go somewhere we could talk. Hal suggested his place, of course, but I felt more comfortable in a neutral and public area. So we agreed to meet at the cafe down on 25th.

I told him I wasn't comfortable working with The Order. That I was no longer comfortable with him working with The Order. I won't prevent him from doing so, or ask him not to, I won't even make it a condition on us remaining together. I don't think that'd be fair. But I wanted him to know that I'm not comfortable with it anymore. To that end, I turned down their offer. Though I seriously considered asking if they'd just pay me to stay quiet. But part of me is still worried about how they'd react to such threats.

I understand that it's an incredible opportunity for him. His schooling is paid for and he's allowed, encouraged even, to continue to pursue his education at his own pace. And having a similar offer is tempting to me. I do want to go to college after all. But I wasn't prepared to lose my job again, especially not like that. I want my education to get me into a career that I can stay with, and I don't want some shadow organization pulling my strings and putting that career at risk. And no, I don't consider it okay that I could just get another similar job somewhere else.

I told him I was happy with our relationship, but I knew that it'd have to change going forward. I'm willing to try if he is, but I want to step back from The Order and all our conspiracy talk.

Hal listened, and he accepted my decision. He wants to continue with our relationship, which was good to hear. But he's going to want to have someone to be able to talk to about all this. For now, he'll see if he can make do just chatting with Brigida, and I suggested that Max has always been interested in conspiracy theories. Hal actually mentioned that it might be nice having someone to escape all that with. But I don't think he's ever going to be able to tear himself away, and I think he's aware of that too.

So we'll see how things go, and I'm glad we had this talk. It was nice afterward to hold him again and be held by him again. I did miss that.

Afterward he brought me to Candace's, and made the decision to go work on some of his own things.

In a way that was good, because I wanted to be able to spend some time with Candace and maybe see if I could identify what Sam was talking about.

Things went well, it was windy and cloudy today, which made it less enjoyable to work outside. Fortunately we were working with the small pots and seeds, so we could do that inside. Candace seemed to do well, even when I had a dizzy spell just before two. But as well as she seemed, I think I am seeing what Sam saw. She was waving her hands over one of the pots she had just planted, and was getting frustrated when nothing happened. Then there was her humor, which wasn't very humorous. She was mocking, especially toward Sam. When we first met, I remember her being dismissive and condescending toward him, but she seemed to come to accept him and even bond with him after coming to live here. But today, and even yesterday the way she teased him about asking for help with the table saw, she mocked him. It made me uncomfortable.

I finally called her out on it though, asking why she was harping on him so badly. She acted like she wasn't even aware she was doing it. And it seemed genuine, which is troubling on its own. Afterward she seemed to go back to herself. She stopped harping on Sam, and when he showed up later for dinner, she seemed to try to make it up to him.

I'm not sure what's going on with her, but I do think it'd be good to keep a closer eye on her. So over dinner I talked to them some more about the offers they had made me. I'll have to talk to my parents, though at the moment I feel like they're pushing me out anyway. But I'll take the empty room, that way I can just move my stuff in rather than having to claim things that are already there.

I'm not sure how much of an assistant to Sam I'd make, but for a time it'd be nice to have a little bit of cash coming in and I'd like to see his forge and stuff. So I'll try that out for size, and if I like it I can keep doing it. But if it's only part time, I'll still have to find another job. And when that comes alone we'll have to reassess my assistance to him.

Reaching that decision really seemed to take a weight off my shoulders, and if I'm not paying rent, maybe I can still save up and go to college rather that get another job.

When Sam was taking me home, he asked about his other offer, making my primary job be to be there for Candace. I told him I wasn't comfortable with us making those arrangements behind her back. But I also admitted I'd seen how she was acting differently, and I had to agree that maybe she does need someone there. So if he wanted to pay me a bit more on the side for doing something I'd do anyway... who was I to turn down more money?

Don't remind me about the tubing trip. I've got a different situation now, and with that comes different priorities.

I'm tired now that I'm home, so I stayed long enough to say good night to Mom and Dad, and then came up here to my room. I'll talk to them tomorrow about moving in with Candace.