So when I called Candace up, I let her know what was going on. She encouraged me to take the morning to talk with Hal and that I could join her whenever I was ready. So I called Hal up and asked if we could go somewhere we could talk. Hal suggested his place, of course, but I felt more comfortable in a neutral and public area. So we agreed to meet at the cafe down on 25th.
I told him I wasn't comfortable working with The Order. That I was no longer comfortable with him working with The Order. I won't prevent him from doing so, or ask him not to, I won't even make it a condition on us remaining together. I don't think that'd be fair. But I wanted him to know that I'm not comfortable with it anymore. To that end, I turned down their offer. Though I seriously considered asking if they'd just pay me to stay quiet. But part of me is still worried about how they'd react to such threats.
I understand that it's an incredible opportunity for him. His schooling is paid for and he's allowed, encouraged even, to continue to pursue his education at his own pace. And having a similar offer is tempting to me. I do want to go to college after all. But I wasn't prepared to lose my job again, especially not like that. I want my education to get me into a career that I can stay with, and I don't want some shadow organization pulling my strings and putting that career at risk. And no, I don't consider it okay that I could just get another similar job somewhere else.
I told him I was happy with our relationship, but I knew that it'd have to change going forward. I'm willing to try if he is, but I want to step back from The Order and all our conspiracy talk.
Hal listened, and he accepted my decision. He wants to continue with our relationship, which was good to hear. But he's going to want to have someone to be able to talk to about all this. For now, he'll see if he can make do just chatting with Brigida, and I suggested that Max has always been interested in conspiracy theories. Hal actually mentioned that it might be nice having someone to escape all that with. But I don't think he's ever going to be able to tear himself away, and I think he's aware of that too.
So we'll see how things go, and I'm glad we had this talk. It was nice afterward to hold him again and be held by him again. I did miss that.
Afterward he brought me to Candace's, and made the decision to go work on some of his own things.
In a way that was good, because I wanted to be able to spend some time with Candace and maybe see if I could identify what Sam was talking about.
Things went well, it was windy and cloudy today, which made it less enjoyable to work outside. Fortunately we were working with the small pots and seeds, so we could do that inside. Candace seemed to do well, even when I had a dizzy spell just before two. But as well as she seemed, I think I am seeing what Sam saw. She was waving her hands over one of the pots she had just planted, and was getting frustrated when nothing happened. Then there was her humor, which wasn't very humorous. She was mocking, especially toward Sam. When we first met, I remember her being dismissive and condescending toward him, but she seemed to come to accept him and even bond with him after coming to live here. But today, and even yesterday the way she teased him about asking for help with the table saw, she mocked him. It made me uncomfortable.
I finally called her out on it though, asking why she was harping on him so badly. She acted like she wasn't even aware she was doing it. And it seemed genuine, which is troubling on its own. Afterward she seemed to go back to herself. She stopped harping on Sam, and when he showed up later for dinner, she seemed to try to make it up to him.
I'm not sure what's going on with her, but I do think it'd be good to keep a closer eye on her. So over dinner I talked to them some more about the offers they had made me. I'll have to talk to my parents, though at the moment I feel like they're pushing me out anyway. But I'll take the empty room, that way I can just move my stuff in rather than having to claim things that are already there.
I'm not sure how much of an assistant to Sam I'd make, but for a time it'd be nice to have a little bit of cash coming in and I'd like to see his forge and stuff. So I'll try that out for size, and if I like it I can keep doing it. But if it's only part time, I'll still have to find another job. And when that comes alone we'll have to reassess my assistance to him.
Reaching that decision really seemed to take a weight off my shoulders, and if I'm not paying rent, maybe I can still save up and go to college rather that get another job.
When Sam was taking me home, he asked about his other offer, making my primary job be to be there for Candace. I told him I wasn't comfortable with us making those arrangements behind her back. But I also admitted I'd seen how she was acting differently, and I had to agree that maybe she does need someone there. So if he wanted to pay me a bit more on the side for doing something I'd do anyway... who was I to turn down more money?
Don't remind me about the tubing trip. I've got a different situation now, and with that comes different priorities.
I'm tired now that I'm home, so I stayed long enough to say good night to Mom and Dad, and then came up here to my room. I'll talk to them tomorrow about moving in with Candace.
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